...everyone who has ever been through one wants to tell you their stories. Which is fine, and cute, and it's a good bonding experience (once the bride/mother-to-be learns to shrug off the well-meaning but completely uninformed advice). But there's just one problem: no wedding story will ever come close to a pregnancy horror story. Your cake might have toppled over, or the best man fainted, or the rings might have been forgotten in a hotel room. Maybe your veil even caught on fire from lighting the unity candle.
But no, none of those even come close to beating ANYTHING close to "oh yes, after 96 hours of excruciating labor my abdomen was sliced open and then ...[insert groteseque details here]." Or almost worse, "I thought for sure that once I was past the first trimester we were good to go, but then I miscarried at 19 weeks with copious bleeding and had to be rushed to the ER. *pause* Wow, you're pretty far along to not be showing even a little bit...are you sure everything's okay?"
News flash: I don't need your help coming up with ways my pregnancy could go wrong. Trust me, my body is coursing with hormones. I have fully considered every possible thing that could go wrong - food poisoning, lack of nourishment, seatbelt trauma in a car accident, having a 19-pound baby, freak genetic incompatibilities that result in our child being born with a full-length beard, and the chance of being picked off by a sniper on the fifth floor of the office building in our local grocery store parking lot.
[I might have woken my husband up in the middle of the night crying about that last one.]
And I've taken the reasonable precautions for them. Prenatal vitamins, a healthy diet, frequent (but not too frequent) exercise, safe driving, and pricing bullet-proof vests long enough to cover a protruding belly (we decided that probably a crib was a better investment of the money, although I sure hope we don't live to regret that decision). And so I've reached the point where there's really nothing I can do about it. We just wait and pray that everything turns out...and we keep my favorite comfort foods stocked for the days when the hormones take over.
So when the next person eyes my still very flat belly and make a comment like "Gee, you don't seem to grown at all...are you sure the baby's all right?", I will look them in the eye and say very, very sweetly:
"No, it was just an elaborate hoax to see how many people noticed after six or seven months. Congratulations on catching on so fast!"
And then I will start working on my list of horror stories to tell the next pregnant woman who comes along.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Second-borns are the best
It has become apparent. It is very obviously second-borns that are the most loved.
You see, when a mother decides she wants her first baby, she really doesn't know what she's getting into. She doesn't understand the desperate need for twenty pillows propping up her back. She hasn't considered the loss of her favorite wardrobe - possibly forever. She has never experienced the utter indignities that pregnant women are subjected to at the doctor's office.
And so, she desires that first child in ignorance.
Oh sure, I love my firstborn without a doubt. But anyone can walk into a torture chamber willingly, if they don't know what it is. But a mother choosing to have a second baby is walking into the torture chamber with her eyes open, with full knowledge of what is to come.
Therefore, I, as the desired second-born, am quite obviously the most loved. Thanks, Mom.
P.S. Don't worry to those of you who are concerned about my firstborn's self-esteem. I'll delete this post before Jiblet can read, which will be sooner than you think because I had a an obviously prophetic dream that she was a child prodigy with far superior mental capabilities and a sunny-sweet, always obedient disposition and an absolutely fabulous mother. Like every firstborn, right? But then, in that case, I don't think you have to worry about self-esteem issues.
P.P.S. For you firstborns reading this, really, I'm kidding. It's okay. I'm sure your mom loves you very much. This post is really just a way for me to complain without sounding too whiny, so don't get bent out of shape.
You see, when a mother decides she wants her first baby, she really doesn't know what she's getting into. She doesn't understand the desperate need for twenty pillows propping up her back. She hasn't considered the loss of her favorite wardrobe - possibly forever. She has never experienced the utter indignities that pregnant women are subjected to at the doctor's office.
And so, she desires that first child in ignorance.
Oh sure, I love my firstborn without a doubt. But anyone can walk into a torture chamber willingly, if they don't know what it is. But a mother choosing to have a second baby is walking into the torture chamber with her eyes open, with full knowledge of what is to come.
Therefore, I, as the desired second-born, am quite obviously the most loved. Thanks, Mom.
P.S. Don't worry to those of you who are concerned about my firstborn's self-esteem. I'll delete this post before Jiblet can read, which will be sooner than you think because I had a an obviously prophetic dream that she was a child prodigy with far superior mental capabilities and a sunny-sweet, always obedient disposition and an absolutely fabulous mother. Like every firstborn, right? But then, in that case, I don't think you have to worry about self-esteem issues.
P.P.S. For you firstborns reading this, really, I'm kidding. It's okay. I'm sure your mom loves you very much. This post is really just a way for me to complain without sounding too whiny, so don't get bent out of shape.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Goodness Gracious, I have a Blog????
Hello blog. :)
I am posting on you because I don't want to become one of those women whose facebook becomes a pregnancy discussion board. I mean, people can choose to read my blog. They'd have to block my newsfeed to avoid seeing my posts. And you don't want that, do you?
Of course not.
Besides, there's people who actually WANT the details (Hi, Mom and Dad). So now they can read if they want. But they don't have to. Plus, I get to keep a record of pregnancy, so that when that little bundle of joy is in my arms and my brain magically forgets about all the inconveniences of the past nine months, and I turn to Josh and say, "Awww, I just want 20 more of these," then I have a reminder that no, I actually don't want 20 more of those. That I might melt when I look into little Jiblet's eyes, but I really don't want to do this 20 times and ten or less will suffice. And I don't want to do it with multiples, either.
So blog, I will try to not turn you into a pregnancy log, because the internet does not need to have access to whether my ankles are swelling or info on how difficult it is to sit up in the mornings. But most likely pregnancy will come up frequently. Sorry about that.
When I was talking to a dear friend, she asked me what I was learning lately. I peered the morning sickness induced brain haze and found a recurring theme:
My utter, complete dependence on the good grace of others.
It's easy to appreciate the grace of God. I mean, no matter how you try, He's perfect and you're not. But humans are a little different. They're imperfect, you're imperfect. You show them grace, they show you grace. It's really easy to take that for granted, or to take it as "I forgave you, so now you forgive me."
But I found myself in the throes of morning sickness, and therefore, etiquette and social norms went out the window. My college roommate invited me to a party the first weekend after the morning sickness hit. I had RSVP'd yes. But then the day of, I simply couldn't go to a party where there would be food. Which pretty much describes every party. So I blew it off.
And then there was the time my boss showed a great act of kindness and ordered pizza for our whole office. Now, normally I'm a supreme pizza kind of gal. But onions have declared themselves as my mortal enemy, in any form. And then one of my co-workers suggested that we get a Supreme pizza, and everyone else very quickly agreed. I mean, I'm the only girl in an office of guys! Supreme is the thing to get!
One of my co-workers must have looked at my face. The face that was plainly conveying the thoughts in my head. The thoughts that ran something along the line of, "Onions? On pizza? That's like the equivalent of bringing in roadkill to the office and dishing it up" And that kind co-worker very graciously jumped in to suggest a different kind. When the others said that no, they were absolutely sure that supreme was what they wanted, kind co-worker jerked his head in my direction to remind them of my "condition".
So that was the time when little Jiblet vetoed an entire office to get the kind of pizza he wanted. Who says children don't have sin natures?
And the list goes on. My boss brought in his daughter's homemade fudge, very proudly showing off her skills. I politely took a piece, took a bite, and promptly exited the building. How can I tell him she did a good job after that? I didn't eat the dishes that my guests brought to Thanksgiving. I left church to eat a snack because Jiblet was hungry and goodness knows won't wait for anything. But that was actually an improvement - I actually went to church that week, despite the 40-minute car ride over the mountains.
And then there's Josh. As he puts it, I have a different stomach every day. What sounds great yesterday, and of which I made a week's worth of servings, suddenly becomes a monster in my fridge. The first week of the sickness, I wanted potatoes. So we bought a five pound bag of potatoes. But three days later, I could no longer look at potatoes. And what's worse, I could no longer wash the dishes of any meal that included potatoes. So Josh's meals have been reduced to the food I can't look at.
So what I have learned in the last two months? First, I learned that the first trimester is really awful, and I really hope that the morning sickness disappears completely soon (it's hard to imagine being able to eat anything, though!). But more importantly, I am completely dependent on others to extend grace, no matter what manners or social customs I ignored. To still be my friend, even if I leave the lunchroom when they bring in their food. To still include me in their plans, even though I cancelled last minute the last time because of carsickness. To be kind enough to overlook my social transgressions.
And that's grace.
I am posting on you because I don't want to become one of those women whose facebook becomes a pregnancy discussion board. I mean, people can choose to read my blog. They'd have to block my newsfeed to avoid seeing my posts. And you don't want that, do you?
Of course not.
Besides, there's people who actually WANT the details (Hi, Mom and Dad). So now they can read if they want. But they don't have to. Plus, I get to keep a record of pregnancy, so that when that little bundle of joy is in my arms and my brain magically forgets about all the inconveniences of the past nine months, and I turn to Josh and say, "Awww, I just want 20 more of these," then I have a reminder that no, I actually don't want 20 more of those. That I might melt when I look into little Jiblet's eyes, but I really don't want to do this 20 times and ten or less will suffice. And I don't want to do it with multiples, either.
So blog, I will try to not turn you into a pregnancy log, because the internet does not need to have access to whether my ankles are swelling or info on how difficult it is to sit up in the mornings. But most likely pregnancy will come up frequently. Sorry about that.
When I was talking to a dear friend, she asked me what I was learning lately. I peered the morning sickness induced brain haze and found a recurring theme:
My utter, complete dependence on the good grace of others.
It's easy to appreciate the grace of God. I mean, no matter how you try, He's perfect and you're not. But humans are a little different. They're imperfect, you're imperfect. You show them grace, they show you grace. It's really easy to take that for granted, or to take it as "I forgave you, so now you forgive me."
But I found myself in the throes of morning sickness, and therefore, etiquette and social norms went out the window. My college roommate invited me to a party the first weekend after the morning sickness hit. I had RSVP'd yes. But then the day of, I simply couldn't go to a party where there would be food. Which pretty much describes every party. So I blew it off.
And then there was the time my boss showed a great act of kindness and ordered pizza for our whole office. Now, normally I'm a supreme pizza kind of gal. But onions have declared themselves as my mortal enemy, in any form. And then one of my co-workers suggested that we get a Supreme pizza, and everyone else very quickly agreed. I mean, I'm the only girl in an office of guys! Supreme is the thing to get!
One of my co-workers must have looked at my face. The face that was plainly conveying the thoughts in my head. The thoughts that ran something along the line of, "Onions? On pizza? That's like the equivalent of bringing in roadkill to the office and dishing it up" And that kind co-worker very graciously jumped in to suggest a different kind. When the others said that no, they were absolutely sure that supreme was what they wanted, kind co-worker jerked his head in my direction to remind them of my "condition".
So that was the time when little Jiblet vetoed an entire office to get the kind of pizza he wanted. Who says children don't have sin natures?
And the list goes on. My boss brought in his daughter's homemade fudge, very proudly showing off her skills. I politely took a piece, took a bite, and promptly exited the building. How can I tell him she did a good job after that? I didn't eat the dishes that my guests brought to Thanksgiving. I left church to eat a snack because Jiblet was hungry and goodness knows won't wait for anything. But that was actually an improvement - I actually went to church that week, despite the 40-minute car ride over the mountains.
And then there's Josh. As he puts it, I have a different stomach every day. What sounds great yesterday, and of which I made a week's worth of servings, suddenly becomes a monster in my fridge. The first week of the sickness, I wanted potatoes. So we bought a five pound bag of potatoes. But three days later, I could no longer look at potatoes. And what's worse, I could no longer wash the dishes of any meal that included potatoes. So Josh's meals have been reduced to the food I can't look at.
So what I have learned in the last two months? First, I learned that the first trimester is really awful, and I really hope that the morning sickness disappears completely soon (it's hard to imagine being able to eat anything, though!). But more importantly, I am completely dependent on others to extend grace, no matter what manners or social customs I ignored. To still be my friend, even if I leave the lunchroom when they bring in their food. To still include me in their plans, even though I cancelled last minute the last time because of carsickness. To be kind enough to overlook my social transgressions.
And that's grace.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Why Hello, July
Wait. Where did that month go?
Or maybe the more accurate question would be, "wait, where did that blog go?" It got lost in the day-to-day whirlwind that is preparing for the fall. So I present to you, in five parts: Our July. It turned into a multi-theme month that is cultivating a lot of good habits.
FLYing all the way home
July has been a "get-the-apartment-in-order" month, Flylady style. Yes, the bane of our existence growing up who was always making us throw away old toys has been this month's theme as we prepare for our move.
It's been great. Not only is the apartment in apple-pie order, but we've gotten rid of so much junk. All those baggy clothes, old t-shirts in excess, single earrings, kitchenware that we have duplicates of, all those ratty old college twin bedsets - gone. Woohoo. I even got Josh to part with his terrible bright yellow and red tie.
Plus, we're practically packed for the move. Everything we're not planning on using in the next three weeks is packed away, labelled, and color-coded by room. So this is going to be a pretty easy move, I think, and all because we're spending ten minutes a day on preparations.
Returning to my first "love"
I compiled my book list for "books to get through while Josh is in grad school". There's about 90 books on my list, and so far this month I've read three. Currently I am working on "The Little Prince" in Spanish. After the post-college burnout, I read a little bit, but not a whole lot. Now I've remembered what it is to love reading again, and to spend hours curled up with a book. And Josh is reading right along with me!
Staying fit and having fun
Each day we are spending 15-20 minutes working out. Three days a week this means cardio workouts - running, roller blading, ultimate frisbee, tennis. The other days it means strength training + easy cardio - walking, cleaning, etc. But the rule is to not let them be a "workout", but to be fun. We're playing tennis during our lunch break once a week, and now we're hitting the trails on roller blades on weekends. :)
A surprise improvement
Since I was about 9 and running track, I have always gotten a lot of headaches. I blamed this on computer time, allergies, sleep deprivation...all of the above. I never in a million years suspected dehydration, because I drink a lot of water. I carry a water bottle with me at all times and sip from it all day, drinking almost nothing else. For the past three years, I've been drinking the recommended amount of water of 64oz. a day - in fact, a little more.
So I thought my headaches weren't related to dehydration at all. But then early this month, I decided to drink until at no point during the day I was thirsty. If I'm thirsty, I drink until I no longer want anything to drink.
On the first day, I drank three liters (~101 ozs).
So for a week, I put three rubber bands on my water bottle and took one off each time I drank a liter.
NO HEADACHES!
All that time, I thought I was getting enough water because I was drinking the "recommended" amount. Turns out my body needs more water than that - just like it needs more sleep than the average person (yes, my body wants 10 hours of sleep to be truly happy). Now I'm drinking 3-4 liters a day, and I feel so much better.
So the moral of the story is you're probably dehydrated right now. Go drink some water.
A new era
Josh and I made a commitment that for the first year of our marriage, we would intentionally avoid making too many commitments and instead really focus on intentionally getting to know each other. And that year is over. It's been wonderful.
Josh starts grad school next month and we'll have less time together. If that had happened last fall, I feel certain our marriage would have been much less fun. I will miss him like crazy on those nights he is gone, but at least I know we had a fabulous year where our first priority was simply to get used to being married.
August: the Demise of the Photo Faker
So yes, Mom, I'm a photo faker. Maybe it was growing up with a mom who has a camera bag permanently attached to her shoulder. But I don't take pictures. Ever. If something noteworthy happens, someone else has a camera, right? And they'll post them on facebook, because that's all people do with pictures now anyway.
Next month, my theme will be to take a picture a day. And to post it. So it will be a blog post a day. Another two-fer. :)
That's all for now! A nice long post to make up for not posting ever. :P
Or maybe the more accurate question would be, "wait, where did that blog go?" It got lost in the day-to-day whirlwind that is preparing for the fall. So I present to you, in five parts: Our July. It turned into a multi-theme month that is cultivating a lot of good habits.
FLYing all the way home
July has been a "get-the-apartment-in-order" month, Flylady style. Yes, the bane of our existence growing up who was always making us throw away old toys has been this month's theme as we prepare for our move.
It's been great. Not only is the apartment in apple-pie order, but we've gotten rid of so much junk. All those baggy clothes, old t-shirts in excess, single earrings, kitchenware that we have duplicates of, all those ratty old college twin bedsets - gone. Woohoo. I even got Josh to part with his terrible bright yellow and red tie.
Plus, we're practically packed for the move. Everything we're not planning on using in the next three weeks is packed away, labelled, and color-coded by room. So this is going to be a pretty easy move, I think, and all because we're spending ten minutes a day on preparations.
Returning to my first "love"
I compiled my book list for "books to get through while Josh is in grad school". There's about 90 books on my list, and so far this month I've read three. Currently I am working on "The Little Prince" in Spanish. After the post-college burnout, I read a little bit, but not a whole lot. Now I've remembered what it is to love reading again, and to spend hours curled up with a book. And Josh is reading right along with me!
Staying fit and having fun
Each day we are spending 15-20 minutes working out. Three days a week this means cardio workouts - running, roller blading, ultimate frisbee, tennis. The other days it means strength training + easy cardio - walking, cleaning, etc. But the rule is to not let them be a "workout", but to be fun. We're playing tennis during our lunch break once a week, and now we're hitting the trails on roller blades on weekends. :)
A surprise improvement
Since I was about 9 and running track, I have always gotten a lot of headaches. I blamed this on computer time, allergies, sleep deprivation...all of the above. I never in a million years suspected dehydration, because I drink a lot of water. I carry a water bottle with me at all times and sip from it all day, drinking almost nothing else. For the past three years, I've been drinking the recommended amount of water of 64oz. a day - in fact, a little more.
So I thought my headaches weren't related to dehydration at all. But then early this month, I decided to drink until at no point during the day I was thirsty. If I'm thirsty, I drink until I no longer want anything to drink.
On the first day, I drank three liters (~101 ozs).
So for a week, I put three rubber bands on my water bottle and took one off each time I drank a liter.
NO HEADACHES!
All that time, I thought I was getting enough water because I was drinking the "recommended" amount. Turns out my body needs more water than that - just like it needs more sleep than the average person (yes, my body wants 10 hours of sleep to be truly happy). Now I'm drinking 3-4 liters a day, and I feel so much better.
So the moral of the story is you're probably dehydrated right now. Go drink some water.
A new era
Josh and I made a commitment that for the first year of our marriage, we would intentionally avoid making too many commitments and instead really focus on intentionally getting to know each other. And that year is over. It's been wonderful.
Josh starts grad school next month and we'll have less time together. If that had happened last fall, I feel certain our marriage would have been much less fun. I will miss him like crazy on those nights he is gone, but at least I know we had a fabulous year where our first priority was simply to get used to being married.
August: the Demise of the Photo Faker
So yes, Mom, I'm a photo faker. Maybe it was growing up with a mom who has a camera bag permanently attached to her shoulder. But I don't take pictures. Ever. If something noteworthy happens, someone else has a camera, right? And they'll post them on facebook, because that's all people do with pictures now anyway.
Next month, my theme will be to take a picture a day. And to post it. So it will be a blog post a day. Another two-fer. :)
That's all for now! A nice long post to make up for not posting ever. :P
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Change of Plans...
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...the music theme was scrapped within a couple days and the Josh theme is in. Which means that this month, I am working on learning/experiencing more of Josh's hobbies and tastes. This includes but is not limited to:
-reading Zorro
-learning the game he plays with his miniatures (lotr based, of course)
-probably learning to play Battlestar Galatica
-watching the Cosby show and Muppet clips
-etc.
You might call it getting in touch with my inner nerd/adventurer. We might even pick up Star Wars from the library.
Anyway, the change due to a lot of news that we received all in the same week and that is causing considerable stress to Josh. Therefore, I'm trying to help him be distracted/relaxed at home in the evenings.
In other news:
-we will be moving late July/early August. Possibly to West Virginia (barely, but still. Yay car registration and new licenses). Where we will go, we're not sure, but we are definitely going to move, and definitely moving out of our current town.
-no scholarships have come through yet - please pray that the necessary funding for grad school comes through. We have two and a half months to come up with the first semester's amount.
-the required course, which Josh was told last year he could transfer in b/c the professor teaches the class both at our alma mater and Josh's grad school, cannot be transferred in. Therefore, he ended up adding a class (only offered in the fall and a pre-req to most of the other classes) to his schedule and will be in class on MTW from 6:30-9:30 next fall, after an eight hour workday and before a 1.5 hour commute home. This will however, hopefully be the last 3-class semester.*
*We are appealing to the professor to convince the registrar to let Josh transfer it in. Pray it goes well...
-in preparation for a move (and to get all our we-hate-making-decisions-but-have-to-do-it energy out), we performed a massive purge and our den is now 1/4 full of stuff we are selling/giving away/throwing out.
And that's all for now! We're both doing well, and actually...now that we've gone through the purge, we're both excited to move (we're ready to move now!). And this is really the first time we've had to make the tough decisions as a married couple, so I feel like it's been a worthwhile growing experience. :)
-reading Zorro
-learning the game he plays with his miniatures (lotr based, of course)
-probably learning to play Battlestar Galatica
-watching the Cosby show and Muppet clips
-etc.
You might call it getting in touch with my inner nerd/adventurer. We might even pick up Star Wars from the library.
Anyway, the change due to a lot of news that we received all in the same week and that is causing considerable stress to Josh. Therefore, I'm trying to help him be distracted/relaxed at home in the evenings.
In other news:
-we will be moving late July/early August. Possibly to West Virginia (barely, but still. Yay car registration and new licenses). Where we will go, we're not sure, but we are definitely going to move, and definitely moving out of our current town.
-no scholarships have come through yet - please pray that the necessary funding for grad school comes through. We have two and a half months to come up with the first semester's amount.
-the required course, which Josh was told last year he could transfer in b/c the professor teaches the class both at our alma mater and Josh's grad school, cannot be transferred in. Therefore, he ended up adding a class (only offered in the fall and a pre-req to most of the other classes) to his schedule and will be in class on MTW from 6:30-9:30 next fall, after an eight hour workday and before a 1.5 hour commute home. This will however, hopefully be the last 3-class semester.*
*We are appealing to the professor to convince the registrar to let Josh transfer it in. Pray it goes well...
-in preparation for a move (and to get all our we-hate-making-decisions-but-have-to-do-it energy out), we performed a massive purge and our den is now 1/4 full of stuff we are selling/giving away/throwing out.
And that's all for now! We're both doing well, and actually...now that we've gone through the purge, we're both excited to move (we're ready to move now!). And this is really the first time we've had to make the tough decisions as a married couple, so I feel like it's been a worthwhile growing experience. :)
Friday, June 10, 2011
A Belated Anniversary Post
On Monday, the day we celebrated our first anniversary, my co-worker returned to work from his honeymoon. He was on the phone when his bride came in to eat lunch with him, so I was chatting with her while she waited.
He got off the phone. He turned. He saw her. He jumped up. "It's soo good to see you!" he gushed, wrapping her in his arms and kissing her. She returned the embrace and then turned to smile apologetically at me. "This is the longest we've been apart since we got married." And then turned back into his arms, thrilled that the four-hour wait was finally over.
I had to smile - and then I was thinking about the year of marriage that Josh and I have shared together. We're not the gushy honeymooners anymore (okay, not as gushy). But part of me expected that to be a sad realization, like we had fallen "out-of-love". Yet it was rather a joyful realization.
We don't have that warm-fuzzy-feeling-everytime-I-see-you feeling as often anymore, but in its place is something a thousand times more precious. We've gained trust.
Not that we didn't trust each other before. But the trust that comes from living and loving together is unique. Special. Intimate. I trust Josh to care for me, to tell me when there's something on his mind, to apologize when something goes wrong and to rebuke me when that something is me. I trust him to take the time to talk through disagreements and to set down the impulse purchase and to cherish me and to do everything he can to provide for me.
Josh trusts me to be a good steward of his provisions, to be honest but supportive, to look at both sides of an issue, and to see things with as objective a perspective as possible. We both trust each other to treat ourselves as the other's possession, and to treat the other as ourselves.
We have disagreements and sometimes one of us (um....me) will try to get out of doing the dishes and there are dirty clothes on the floor. It's all the things that society tells us are those little things that make marriage impossible.
But we trust each other to be married. We trust each other to love and to cherish, to honor and obey, as long as we both shall live.
And that's not the starry newlywed view, where you hope and you trust in their good character. It's the experience that you can only get by knowing another.
And that is what our first year of marriage has been all about.
He got off the phone. He turned. He saw her. He jumped up. "It's soo good to see you!" he gushed, wrapping her in his arms and kissing her. She returned the embrace and then turned to smile apologetically at me. "This is the longest we've been apart since we got married." And then turned back into his arms, thrilled that the four-hour wait was finally over.
I had to smile - and then I was thinking about the year of marriage that Josh and I have shared together. We're not the gushy honeymooners anymore (okay, not as gushy). But part of me expected that to be a sad realization, like we had fallen "out-of-love". Yet it was rather a joyful realization.
We don't have that warm-fuzzy-feeling-everytime-I-see-you feeling as often anymore, but in its place is something a thousand times more precious. We've gained trust.
Not that we didn't trust each other before. But the trust that comes from living and loving together is unique. Special. Intimate. I trust Josh to care for me, to tell me when there's something on his mind, to apologize when something goes wrong and to rebuke me when that something is me. I trust him to take the time to talk through disagreements and to set down the impulse purchase and to cherish me and to do everything he can to provide for me.
Josh trusts me to be a good steward of his provisions, to be honest but supportive, to look at both sides of an issue, and to see things with as objective a perspective as possible. We both trust each other to treat ourselves as the other's possession, and to treat the other as ourselves.
We have disagreements and sometimes one of us (um....me) will try to get out of doing the dishes and there are dirty clothes on the floor. It's all the things that society tells us are those little things that make marriage impossible.
But we trust each other to be married. We trust each other to love and to cherish, to honor and obey, as long as we both shall live.
And that's not the starry newlywed view, where you hope and you trust in their good character. It's the experience that you can only get by knowing another.
And that is what our first year of marriage has been all about.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
End of the Month
Since my husband is trying to revive his facebook, I figure I should try to post a little more on my blog.
Plus, I finished my full month of running. How was it? Great. I feel better, I worked some steam out on the more stressful days (which helps a little in the marriage department!), and it made me more conscious of what it means to be "healthy".
To be honest, I didn't quite make my goal of exercising every day - but then every other day is a big improvement as well. I did have to stop for a while because I caught a cold, but otherwise, I made great leaps and bounds and was able to meet my goal!
Someone once told me that physical fitness isn't about how far you can go or pushing yourself to the max. It's about staying healthy and keeping in good shape so that if you ever NEED to kick it up a notch, you can. So I intend to keep up the progress I have made by continuing my routine 3 days a week - not necessarily with the goal of getting faster or running longer, but just with the goal of staying fit and healthy.
In other news, so begins a new month! We have a keyboard and a flute sitting in our apartment that rarely get used. So this month is about brushing up on my music! I'm try to alternate the two...with the keyboard, the challenge is reading those left-hand notes. Playing the flute for so many years has my eye automatically trained to read the treble clef, and now I'm terribly at translating to the bass clef. On the flute, my challenge will be finger fumblings, and smooth breath control. Time to work that diaphragm!
And so begins a new month. Newly off from a fabulous Alaskan vacation, DONE with financial audits, and now getting back on top of things at work. I feel like things have definitely taken a turn for the less-hectic!
Plus, I finished my full month of running. How was it? Great. I feel better, I worked some steam out on the more stressful days (which helps a little in the marriage department!), and it made me more conscious of what it means to be "healthy".
To be honest, I didn't quite make my goal of exercising every day - but then every other day is a big improvement as well. I did have to stop for a while because I caught a cold, but otherwise, I made great leaps and bounds and was able to meet my goal!
Someone once told me that physical fitness isn't about how far you can go or pushing yourself to the max. It's about staying healthy and keeping in good shape so that if you ever NEED to kick it up a notch, you can. So I intend to keep up the progress I have made by continuing my routine 3 days a week - not necessarily with the goal of getting faster or running longer, but just with the goal of staying fit and healthy.
In other news, so begins a new month! We have a keyboard and a flute sitting in our apartment that rarely get used. So this month is about brushing up on my music! I'm try to alternate the two...with the keyboard, the challenge is reading those left-hand notes. Playing the flute for so many years has my eye automatically trained to read the treble clef, and now I'm terribly at translating to the bass clef. On the flute, my challenge will be finger fumblings, and smooth breath control. Time to work that diaphragm!
And so begins a new month. Newly off from a fabulous Alaskan vacation, DONE with financial audits, and now getting back on top of things at work. I feel like things have definitely taken a turn for the less-hectic!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Lesson of the Week
Never ever take a financial position one month before the end of the fiscal year, esp. if you are a non-profit organization. Because the annual audit WILL happen the week after your brother-in-law graduates and you lose your student interns and your husband's family comes into town, and which coincidentally is the week before you leave for vacation and really don't want to be in a stressful situation. And because you didn't actually work there for most of the year, you will be asked all kinds of questions that you don't know the answer to ("so did this funding come through this source? And when you said x donation went through y campaign, what made you say that?" Me: Ummmm....sure, I think so. And I didn't say that. Because I wasn't actually working here.")
Whew.
And because I am in a highly busy part of the year and working with some very stressed coworkers (seriously. At our meeting today I could feel the stress in the room absorbing into my bloodstream), I am very very grateful for my running goal.
Because I am keeping it! And it feels good. :)
I might not actually meet the running goal in miles and minutes for the month. My allergies seriously impair my running ability, because they seriously impair my breathing ability, and that's just a little important to a runner.
But that's okay, because it's gotten me exercising every day, whether it's running or walking to the grocery store or playing frisbee with the neighbor kid. And since I feel good and have a chance to let off some steam, getting to work and finding things like a leaky refrigerator that desperately needs to be defrosted doesn't really bother me.
So the moral of the story is: audits are stressful. But running is fun and mind-clearing and good. :)
Whew.
And because I am in a highly busy part of the year and working with some very stressed coworkers (seriously. At our meeting today I could feel the stress in the room absorbing into my bloodstream), I am very very grateful for my running goal.
Because I am keeping it! And it feels good. :)
I might not actually meet the running goal in miles and minutes for the month. My allergies seriously impair my running ability, because they seriously impair my breathing ability, and that's just a little important to a runner.
But that's okay, because it's gotten me exercising every day, whether it's running or walking to the grocery store or playing frisbee with the neighbor kid. And since I feel good and have a chance to let off some steam, getting to work and finding things like a leaky refrigerator that desperately needs to be defrosted doesn't really bother me.
So the moral of the story is: audits are stressful. But running is fun and mind-clearing and good. :)
Saturday, May 7, 2011
A Weekend at Holly Knoll
One of my friends works as the personal assistant for the president of an organization that owns a mansion.
At least, that's what she told us when she invited our college hallway down for a weekend. She's an outdoorsy type of gal, so we assumed it was something kinda like a big cabin. Then she said it had a river with a dock, and we could go swimming. That just strengthened our assumption. But we should have realized that the South is a little different....
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| The house itself...the tree obstructs the view a little, but then, MLK, Jr. wrote much of us "I Have a Dream" speech under it. So it stays. |
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| The second story veranda - screened in to avoid bugs. |
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| The first floor study |
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| Second story sitting room (as opposed to the second story game room) |
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| Third story sitting room, as well as the fully stocked, absolutely beautiful third story kitchen |
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| The dock! |
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| View down the staircase to the front entryway! |
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| One of nine bedrooms |
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| The riverfront. One of the gals and I waded halfway across the river to Williamsburg and we were still only waist deep. |
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| Beautiful sunsets! |
All in all, it was gorgeous and I felt well-refreshed (at least emotionally and spiritually - I didn't sleep a whole lot!) after it. Each morning I was up 2-3 hours before anyone else, so I could sit on that gorgeous dock with my Bible or talk a walk or sit on the front porch with its six rocking chairs or read one of the many books scattered throughout the house. On the second morning, I walked out on the dock only to find an otter already there in the water....I surprised him as much as he surprised me!
But even more, it was a sharp reminder of lifestyles and the choices we have made. For that weekend, I ate fabulous food and lounged on comfortable furniture and had loads of girl-talk and watched movies. And it was fun. The social aspect of it was like being back in college (the food was way way better, of course).
It was nice to experience "the high life" for a while. But in the end, it was nice to go back to my own lifestyle. To go to work where I am personally invested in the organization and carry much of the responsibility for the internal workings. To come home to our apartment, with its lack of a coffee table and noisy upstairs neighbors and have my husband greet me at the door with a kiss. To cook our simple meals, sans wine or cocktails, but to cook them together and enjoy them together.
Holly Knoll was beautiful and I'm really glad I went (and I have some good recipes now, too). But it wasn't sad to say goodbye.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
The Secret to Being Organized
So today I had an epiphany. It's an epiphany that's been gradually dawning on me for a while, but today it hit me fully.
To make a very long story short, in the past six months I've gone from being a research assistant to a research/web/admin assistant to web/admin coordinator to web/finance coordinator to being the head finance and admin staffer. It really has been a shift brought on by sheer necessity for organization.
The real irony of it is that since I was a little girl, I was resolved to never have an administrative position. Mostly because I hated talking on the phone and didn't want to deal with stuff like bills and ordering supplies and answering phones (the last of which, fortunately, is not part of my job).
But besides that, I've never considered myself to be an organized person. I can't stick with day timers or other scheduling devices, I'm not good with logistics, I enjoy a little procrastination now and then,and my filing systems tend to be "all my papers are here in one place but not really in any particular order, so let's shuffle through them."
Yet I'm discovering that in the work world, I'm considered to be a very organized person.
This makes me laugh.
Hence, the epiphany: what separates an organized person from a disorganized person? A disorganized person loses and forgets things. But anyone can do that, no matter how fancy and thorough the filing system.
The real secret to "organization" is this:
(1) If it can be done in less than five minutes, do it now.
(2) If it's already been done, mark it as done and put it away out of sight.
(3) If it hasn't been done, keep it right where it most annoys you to have things build up.
And that right there is the only reason I am considered to be an organized person.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Month 1: Running
So for the first month, I chose running. This is mainly because I used to love running and I still do when I actually get out to run. This is also because Josh's work offers extra vacation time to people who set "health and wellness" goals and meet them each quarter, and he put down that he would run. So I am his accountability partner.
The rules I set are very important for me, because I am OCD when it comes to even numbers. Last fall, I was running consistently. But the problem was that if the timer said that I had been running for 30 minutes and needed to stop, I would invariably have run some awkward distance like 2.46 miles and would decide to run another 4/10s of a mile to make it an even 2.5. The problem was that when I had run 2.5 miles, I would have been running for some awkward time like 33.7 minutes and then I would have to run another couple minutes so it would be 35....but then I would have gone 2.8 miles and if I could only get up to 3 miles....
Pretty soon, I would have been running for an hour and by the time I had stretched and showered, it would have taken me two hours and so when I started working full-time, that simply wasn't practical. Good-bye running.
So you see why having a strict time limit is important. Awkward numbers, prepare to be ignored.
The rules I set are very important for me, because I am OCD when it comes to even numbers. Last fall, I was running consistently. But the problem was that if the timer said that I had been running for 30 minutes and needed to stop, I would invariably have run some awkward distance like 2.46 miles and would decide to run another 4/10s of a mile to make it an even 2.5. The problem was that when I had run 2.5 miles, I would have been running for some awkward time like 33.7 minutes and then I would have to run another couple minutes so it would be 35....but then I would have gone 2.8 miles and if I could only get up to 3 miles....
Pretty soon, I would have been running for an hour and by the time I had stretched and showered, it would have taken me two hours and so when I started working full-time, that simply wasn't practical. Good-bye running.
So you see why having a strict time limit is important. Awkward numbers, prepare to be ignored.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
New Goals/Challenge!
So, in 3.5 months, Josh will start grad school and I will magically find myself with my evenings free. Tonight he was off with his brother and I was thinking about how common that will be once school starts, and how I'll need a hobby to keep myself not only busy, but also growing. I don't want to fall into the Youtube and Facebook trap!
So starting now, I've decided that each month, I'm going to undertake a project. It may be just meeting a certain goal (like being able to beat Josh at his own strategy game) or learning a new skill (like learning how to crochet), but either way, I want to pick up a new experience. This should serve a couple purposes:
1) It should offer me a little insight into a different world, and Ill probably pick up a few lessons along the way.
2) Since I don't have a hobby right now, I may find one that I absolutely love.
3) Since 30 days is supposedly the time it takes to develop a new habit, I may find that some new, good habits are formed.
4) Since I plan to switch out between physical goals (like running or picking tennis back up) and mental goals (like memory goals, reading through certain books, or trying my hand at writing), it should help me stay both physically and mentally healthy.
I'm cheating a little bit this month, since April is almost half-over (wow, what a pessimist I am...I mean half-begun). My goal won't be over until the end of May, and it will be running a 5k in 30 minutes or less.
Oh yeah...and there are a couple rules, too. Each month I will have to:
So starting now, I've decided that each month, I'm going to undertake a project. It may be just meeting a certain goal (like being able to beat Josh at his own strategy game) or learning a new skill (like learning how to crochet), but either way, I want to pick up a new experience. This should serve a couple purposes:
1) It should offer me a little insight into a different world, and Ill probably pick up a few lessons along the way.
2) Since I don't have a hobby right now, I may find one that I absolutely love.
3) Since 30 days is supposedly the time it takes to develop a new habit, I may find that some new, good habits are formed.
4) Since I plan to switch out between physical goals (like running or picking tennis back up) and mental goals (like memory goals, reading through certain books, or trying my hand at writing), it should help me stay both physically and mentally healthy.
I'm cheating a little bit this month, since April is almost half-over (wow, what a pessimist I am...I mean half-begun). My goal won't be over until the end of May, and it will be running a 5k in 30 minutes or less.
Oh yeah...and there are a couple rules, too. Each month I will have to:
- Spend no less than 15 minutes each day on it, except for Sundays (because I believe Sabbaths are important and help avoid burn-out)
- Spend no more than 30 minutes each day, because I AM married and work a full-time job.
- Update the blog for the start and finish of each project, at least. Mostly for accountability purposes.
- Be realistic.
Right now, I have a few things that I want to try. These include cooking through a cookbook, learning how to knit or crochet, biking to the town of our workplace and back (Josh has told me I can get a bike for my birthday :), reading a book in Spanish, etc. But I'm also open to suggestions. Please, throw out ideas for monthly projects!*
I'm pretty excited about this. Ever since I finished my "when-I-was-in-school-I-didn't-read-this-assigned-book-but-now-I'm-reading-it-so-I-don't-feel-guilty" list, I've needed something more substantial to spend my time on. And maybe this will show me what I really truly love to do as a hobby. :)
*Please keep in mind that (1) I work full-time and am pretty serious about the 1/2 hour a day rule and (2) I'm looking for tuition-friendly hobbies.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Why I'm Not a Committed Christian (and why that's a good thing)
This article is very very good.
I've been thinking about blogging a lot lately, but when I get home from work, all desire to sit at a computer flees. My job is like running a daily marathon -exhausting, demanding, but satisfying. The end of the fiscal year is coming up, and then the auditors come. Which means I am chin-deep in paperwork. But my boss is happy with my job, our supporters are happy with my job, and I'm happy with my job. And that's a good thing.
I've been thinking about blogging a lot lately, but when I get home from work, all desire to sit at a computer flees. My job is like running a daily marathon -exhausting, demanding, but satisfying. The end of the fiscal year is coming up, and then the auditors come. Which means I am chin-deep in paperwork. But my boss is happy with my job, our supporters are happy with my job, and I'm happy with my job. And that's a good thing.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Love Another Child
I recently read the book Love Another Child, by the Jeubs. I didn't see anything I didn't agree with - children are a blessing, don't push them off until it's too late, open your heart to love them, etc. But I feel that their message needs an added element: preparation.
Children are a blessing - yes. Always a blessing - yes. But they are not an unqualified blessing. An unqualified blessing is one that is a blessing in all seasons of life, and equally desireable to all people. But I find that to quite clearly and obviously false. If it were, then there would be no problem with having children born out of wedlock.
That indicates that there is a certain amount of preparation that is needed to start having children. I know married couples who are too selfish to be good parents - would having children be a blessing to them? Surely they would love their children as blessings. But if they don't have a strong marriage, I would caution them against having children. They are simply not equipped to parent well and will hurt their children with bitter fights between mom and dad.
Or what about this scenario? Josh and I are only just now figuring out how our spiritual gifts work together. We are still talking over and praying about several aspects of our marriage that we would like to see develop more fully. Would it be wise to introduce a child to our marriage before we've worked out how we can work together spiritually?
Josh and I would love to be parents. But another factor for us is Josh's plans to attend grad school, working full-time and attending school at night - returning sometime between 10:30 and 11:00 each night. He would simply not have the ability to be involved in the life of a child(ren), except on weekends (which will be his main study time).
Now, if we already had children, we would do what we needed to do to finish up and love that child as much as we could. If we happened to have a child now, we would love him or her and make the necessary adjustments. But why knowingly walk into a situation in which both parents aren't fully able to take an active parenting role? Isn't that, in a way, cheating the child of our presence? Isn't it cheating each other in our still-developing marriage - if I'm consumed with caring for a baby in the few hours Josh is home, will our marriage continue to grow?
At work, I hear stories every day from both men and women who wish they hadn't been so quick to get pregnant. They weren't prepared in their marriages. They weren't knowledgeable enough about their spouse. They weren't mature enough for parenting. They were too busy meeting career goals to really parent. And something happened that ended in those children being taken away. Their selfishness brought them back to their college drinking days. Their spouse got caught bringing drugs into the home. They handled a situation with a child in a poor way or left the child unattended, and the authorities found out.
And their hearts are broken. They loved another child before they were prepared, and now they are separated. They don't regret having the child, because they truly genuinely love him. But because they weren't prepared to take on a parenting role, both the child and the parent are suffering through a foster care experience.
Josh and I don't fear any of these scenarios for ourselves, but we do want to offer our children a loving home that is prepared for them. We're not waiting until we have the perfect marriage (because kids will definitely bring out new sides of us!) or until we can "afford" kids (what does that even mean, anyway?). We're simply waiting until we can offer the time and a healthy, fruitful marriage to our children. So we feel that at this point in our lives, the wisest thing we can do is focus our hearts and time into preparing our marriage and our home, before we take on the responsibilities of parenting.
Is it a time issue? We're both young - most people our age have some college left to finish. We don't want to wait any longer than it takes Josh to finish grad school. But I would say that even those couples several years older than us shouldn't rush into having kids just because their biological clock is ticking. They should have kids only after they have invested in each other enough that they can provide their kids with a stable home. For some, that will take longer than others. Some may even regret, at the end of the child-bearing lives, that they didn't have more kids. But they will be better parents in the end, because they took the time to thoughtfully and purposefully prepare for parenting. And I would say being a quality parent is more important than having lots of kids - even if you love every one - and your kids will be better-equipped in their own marriages and parenting.
It's not that I disagree with the Jeubs. But I feel that something needs to be added more strongly to their message. Children are to be loved, no matter what situation you are in financially or emotionally. But don't go selfishly bringing them into a home because you want a child or want that "achievement", without taking into consideration the huge amount of time that you will need to invest in them and in your marriage.
Any comments on this? Are my thoughts the thoughts of a naive non-parent? It's okay to say yes - I welcome correction from people who have parented before!
Children are a blessing - yes. Always a blessing - yes. But they are not an unqualified blessing. An unqualified blessing is one that is a blessing in all seasons of life, and equally desireable to all people. But I find that to quite clearly and obviously false. If it were, then there would be no problem with having children born out of wedlock.
That indicates that there is a certain amount of preparation that is needed to start having children. I know married couples who are too selfish to be good parents - would having children be a blessing to them? Surely they would love their children as blessings. But if they don't have a strong marriage, I would caution them against having children. They are simply not equipped to parent well and will hurt their children with bitter fights between mom and dad.
Or what about this scenario? Josh and I are only just now figuring out how our spiritual gifts work together. We are still talking over and praying about several aspects of our marriage that we would like to see develop more fully. Would it be wise to introduce a child to our marriage before we've worked out how we can work together spiritually?
Josh and I would love to be parents. But another factor for us is Josh's plans to attend grad school, working full-time and attending school at night - returning sometime between 10:30 and 11:00 each night. He would simply not have the ability to be involved in the life of a child(ren), except on weekends (which will be his main study time).
Now, if we already had children, we would do what we needed to do to finish up and love that child as much as we could. If we happened to have a child now, we would love him or her and make the necessary adjustments. But why knowingly walk into a situation in which both parents aren't fully able to take an active parenting role? Isn't that, in a way, cheating the child of our presence? Isn't it cheating each other in our still-developing marriage - if I'm consumed with caring for a baby in the few hours Josh is home, will our marriage continue to grow?
At work, I hear stories every day from both men and women who wish they hadn't been so quick to get pregnant. They weren't prepared in their marriages. They weren't knowledgeable enough about their spouse. They weren't mature enough for parenting. They were too busy meeting career goals to really parent. And something happened that ended in those children being taken away. Their selfishness brought them back to their college drinking days. Their spouse got caught bringing drugs into the home. They handled a situation with a child in a poor way or left the child unattended, and the authorities found out.
And their hearts are broken. They loved another child before they were prepared, and now they are separated. They don't regret having the child, because they truly genuinely love him. But because they weren't prepared to take on a parenting role, both the child and the parent are suffering through a foster care experience.
Josh and I don't fear any of these scenarios for ourselves, but we do want to offer our children a loving home that is prepared for them. We're not waiting until we have the perfect marriage (because kids will definitely bring out new sides of us!) or until we can "afford" kids (what does that even mean, anyway?). We're simply waiting until we can offer the time and a healthy, fruitful marriage to our children. So we feel that at this point in our lives, the wisest thing we can do is focus our hearts and time into preparing our marriage and our home, before we take on the responsibilities of parenting.
Is it a time issue? We're both young - most people our age have some college left to finish. We don't want to wait any longer than it takes Josh to finish grad school. But I would say that even those couples several years older than us shouldn't rush into having kids just because their biological clock is ticking. They should have kids only after they have invested in each other enough that they can provide their kids with a stable home. For some, that will take longer than others. Some may even regret, at the end of the child-bearing lives, that they didn't have more kids. But they will be better parents in the end, because they took the time to thoughtfully and purposefully prepare for parenting. And I would say being a quality parent is more important than having lots of kids - even if you love every one - and your kids will be better-equipped in their own marriages and parenting.
It's not that I disagree with the Jeubs. But I feel that something needs to be added more strongly to their message. Children are to be loved, no matter what situation you are in financially or emotionally. But don't go selfishly bringing them into a home because you want a child or want that "achievement", without taking into consideration the huge amount of time that you will need to invest in them and in your marriage.
Any comments on this? Are my thoughts the thoughts of a naive non-parent? It's okay to say yes - I welcome correction from people who have parented before!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Happy as a clam
I was chatting with a friend tonight and I came to a realization (okay, I knew it all along...but sometimes things just...hit you): I really like my life.
So work feels like it's out-of-control and I've been given more responsibilities than I can handle. We live pretty frugally, which means skipping a lot of the pleasures our single friends are enjoying, like eating out and taking weekend trips. We're staring down a couple years of tuition in the face. But life is good. Not good -- great.
Our church is embracing us and making us feel at home. We don't indulge a whole lot, but we have everything we need. We have good jobs for good employers, and even though my work right now is crazy, it's pretty clear that my bosses trust me and we have good working relationships. Despite the rapidly changing office setting, I feel like we're moving in a good direction, are taking steps to correct some organizational issues, and are strengthening as a (much smaller) team.
But best of all, as a couple we are are growing with a purpose and with direction. We have a shared, concrete goal for the next 5-10 years, and we have a way to work towards and prepare for it, which is good for our marriage. We are reading our Bibles together and sharing what we've learned.
Our apartment is comfortable and actually more space than we need. Our food is tasty and filling.
I am young among my friends in age, but as I was listening to one gal 6 years my elder talk about her relationship with her boyfriend, I realized that we are older in many ways. And because we are "older", we enjoy stability and not as much drama. I have a wonderful husband who keeps a close eye on my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. He cherishes me in a way few women (sadly) are cherished.
To be honest, I can't think of anything in my life I would change right now, at least not in circumstances.
It's a wonderful life. :)
So work feels like it's out-of-control and I've been given more responsibilities than I can handle. We live pretty frugally, which means skipping a lot of the pleasures our single friends are enjoying, like eating out and taking weekend trips. We're staring down a couple years of tuition in the face. But life is good. Not good -- great.
Our church is embracing us and making us feel at home. We don't indulge a whole lot, but we have everything we need. We have good jobs for good employers, and even though my work right now is crazy, it's pretty clear that my bosses trust me and we have good working relationships. Despite the rapidly changing office setting, I feel like we're moving in a good direction, are taking steps to correct some organizational issues, and are strengthening as a (much smaller) team.
But best of all, as a couple we are are growing with a purpose and with direction. We have a shared, concrete goal for the next 5-10 years, and we have a way to work towards and prepare for it, which is good for our marriage. We are reading our Bibles together and sharing what we've learned.
Our apartment is comfortable and actually more space than we need. Our food is tasty and filling.
I am young among my friends in age, but as I was listening to one gal 6 years my elder talk about her relationship with her boyfriend, I realized that we are older in many ways. And because we are "older", we enjoy stability and not as much drama. I have a wonderful husband who keeps a close eye on my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. He cherishes me in a way few women (sadly) are cherished.
To be honest, I can't think of anything in my life I would change right now, at least not in circumstances.
It's a wonderful life. :)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
All Members of One Body...
We had our meeting with our elders last night for membership. At least, we thought it was going to be elders, with a pastor. But when they knocked on the door, it was both our pastors and one of our elders.
We small-talked for a while ("Yep, looks like a newlywed apartment...man, when we were newlyweds I bought this dresser..."), ate cookies, and settled down into our seats. And then the questions started.
"Tell us your testimony"
"Describe to me the work and person of Jesus."
"Do you have a favorite Scripture passage?"
"How do you envision yourself using your spiritual gifts for the Body of Christ?"
And then, the Book of Church Order came out and they asked us those five little questions that determined whether we would join the local church.
It was a precious time to me. I had trouble finding a church in college. I didn't have a car, so I hopped in whatever car was available, or a church van sent to pick up stranded students. More often than not, I ended up arriving in a herd of students and then rushing to greet people so I wouldn't miss the van. I attended three different churches while I was there, for at least 4 months at each one. And in all those churches, there was only one at which I ever met the pastor (twice actually...but he didn't remember my name). No one ever asked my testimony. For all they knew, I didn't even believe in God.
Our first week at our current church was a surprise. Not only did both pastors greet us (we didn't even realize they were the pastors at the time!), but they both immediately offered to gather people to help us move in. Within a month, two different elders had invited us over to lunch to get to know us. And now, both of our pastors know our stories, know our spiritual gifts, know our struggles, know our talents, know our jobs, know our needs. We aren't members because they signed the paperwork. We are members because we are known. To make a rough analogy, you can pay your dues to be in a club - but to really belong as a member, you've got to be a part of the club.
We belong here..
And then today at lunch we mentioned to a couple co-workers that we had a meeting for membership. I was shocked at how quickly membership was bashed as "bureaucratic" and "unnecessary."
No -- a bureaucracy is paperwork and needless red tape. It is not human. And anyone who was in our home last night knows that the three men gently asking us questions and getting to know us are not a bureaucracy. They have simply made the process of joining a church one in which you can't sit by the sidelines, isolated and alone.
There is a difference between order and bureaucracy. I am comforted more and more as I watch our church in action. They are prepared to handle challenges. They are prepared to stand up against sin. They've done it, and the church has not fallen apart or crumbled in shock. Even more, they've been able to comfort each other because they know each other.
I am a member of the universal Body of Christ. What does that mean? That we share beliefs, that we have a common heritage. But that means nothing if I am not accountable.
I am a member of the local Body of Christ. I am accountable to them, I have submitted to them, and I am responsible to contribute to them. We share beliefs. We have a common heritage. But even better - there is a system set in place that helps us remember that.
Let all things be done decently and in order.
We small-talked for a while ("Yep, looks like a newlywed apartment...man, when we were newlyweds I bought this dresser..."), ate cookies, and settled down into our seats. And then the questions started.
"Tell us your testimony"
"Describe to me the work and person of Jesus."
"Do you have a favorite Scripture passage?"
"How do you envision yourself using your spiritual gifts for the Body of Christ?"
And then, the Book of Church Order came out and they asked us those five little questions that determined whether we would join the local church.
It was a precious time to me. I had trouble finding a church in college. I didn't have a car, so I hopped in whatever car was available, or a church van sent to pick up stranded students. More often than not, I ended up arriving in a herd of students and then rushing to greet people so I wouldn't miss the van. I attended three different churches while I was there, for at least 4 months at each one. And in all those churches, there was only one at which I ever met the pastor (twice actually...but he didn't remember my name). No one ever asked my testimony. For all they knew, I didn't even believe in God.
Our first week at our current church was a surprise. Not only did both pastors greet us (we didn't even realize they were the pastors at the time!), but they both immediately offered to gather people to help us move in. Within a month, two different elders had invited us over to lunch to get to know us. And now, both of our pastors know our stories, know our spiritual gifts, know our struggles, know our talents, know our jobs, know our needs. We aren't members because they signed the paperwork. We are members because we are known. To make a rough analogy, you can pay your dues to be in a club - but to really belong as a member, you've got to be a part of the club.
We belong here..
And then today at lunch we mentioned to a couple co-workers that we had a meeting for membership. I was shocked at how quickly membership was bashed as "bureaucratic" and "unnecessary."
No -- a bureaucracy is paperwork and needless red tape. It is not human. And anyone who was in our home last night knows that the three men gently asking us questions and getting to know us are not a bureaucracy. They have simply made the process of joining a church one in which you can't sit by the sidelines, isolated and alone.
There is a difference between order and bureaucracy. I am comforted more and more as I watch our church in action. They are prepared to handle challenges. They are prepared to stand up against sin. They've done it, and the church has not fallen apart or crumbled in shock. Even more, they've been able to comfort each other because they know each other.
I am a member of the universal Body of Christ. What does that mean? That we share beliefs, that we have a common heritage. But that means nothing if I am not accountable.
I am a member of the local Body of Christ. I am accountable to them, I have submitted to them, and I am responsible to contribute to them. We share beliefs. We have a common heritage. But even better - there is a system set in place that helps us remember that.
Let all things be done decently and in order.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I just had to share this...
Today I found a "stress-test" in a book I was reading. The test listed out a variety of factors that cause stress in your life, and had the premise that if you scored over 300 points in any single year, you were vulnerable to illness. These factors encompassed changes that can happen in a year - from moving to graduating to marrying to financial situation to deaths to divorce to law violations to personal conflicts, etc., etc., etc.
Out of curiosity I added up my total from this point last year to the present time.
388.
So I added up Josh's total.
540.
We had a good laugh over that - apparently, we are both extremely vulnerable to illness and Josh in particular should have had a meltdown. And wedding planning and finals and job hunting weren't even on the list.
We're taking it as funny, and I'm not looking for sympathy. In my opinion, it's been a great year. But I fully agree that even though all the changes have been good, they've also been incredibly stressful, and I think a good point stands:
We are always ready to support those who have had bad changes in their lives. We bring flowers, lift them up in our prayers, and write encouraging notes.
Those who are undergoing happy changes are generally expected to be happy, and can generally find a lot less support and encouragement. I practically had panic attacks as I reached the end of my last semester (finals AND house-hunting AND job-hunting AND wedding planning was a bit too much), but it seemed that anytime I demonstrated anything less that pure excitement and joy, others questioned whether I was doing the right thing. Or they would tell me that my life was so good that I had no right to complain.
Obviously, our community has supported us (although there were an enormous difference in support from our older friends who have been through our experience and our younger friends who have not). Y'all have been great, and our successful navigation through the year is no doubt due to your continued prayers and support. But I just want to make the point again: watch out for the "happy" changes in people's lives as well as the "bad" ones. Chances are, they're just as stressed, but don't feel free to express those fears and doubts.
Out of curiosity I added up my total from this point last year to the present time.
388.
So I added up Josh's total.
540.
We had a good laugh over that - apparently, we are both extremely vulnerable to illness and Josh in particular should have had a meltdown. And wedding planning and finals and job hunting weren't even on the list.
We're taking it as funny, and I'm not looking for sympathy. In my opinion, it's been a great year. But I fully agree that even though all the changes have been good, they've also been incredibly stressful, and I think a good point stands:
We are always ready to support those who have had bad changes in their lives. We bring flowers, lift them up in our prayers, and write encouraging notes.
Those who are undergoing happy changes are generally expected to be happy, and can generally find a lot less support and encouragement. I practically had panic attacks as I reached the end of my last semester (finals AND house-hunting AND job-hunting AND wedding planning was a bit too much), but it seemed that anytime I demonstrated anything less that pure excitement and joy, others questioned whether I was doing the right thing. Or they would tell me that my life was so good that I had no right to complain.
Obviously, our community has supported us (although there were an enormous difference in support from our older friends who have been through our experience and our younger friends who have not). Y'all have been great, and our successful navigation through the year is no doubt due to your continued prayers and support. But I just want to make the point again: watch out for the "happy" changes in people's lives as well as the "bad" ones. Chances are, they're just as stressed, but don't feel free to express those fears and doubts.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Time to Grow Up!
Today, whether reading Christian or secular sources, you will find all sorts of articles about my generation's failure to grow up. We're pushing off marriage, pushing off kids, pushing off responsibility, and staying as young as we can.
If forty is the new thirty, then thirty is the new twenty. And twenty is too young to be tied down with a husband!
You can tell us to get a grip. You can tell us to grow up. You can tell us that we're selfish, self-absorbed, and irresponsible. Most of these articles do that.
But you're not going to get anywhere with my generation if you don't get to the root of the issue.
Addressing the symptoms isn't enough. You can force a boy into marriage, but you can't make that marriage last. You can force him to move out, but you can't keep him out of debt. You can even frustrate him into having kids, but you can't make him a good parent.
No, you have to address the cause:
Remember the book The Greatest Generation? My Mom's disagreement with that book is that the greatest generation was the one that raised those people. The generation that had the best impact on society was the generation that taught their children how to rise up and meet challenges. The so-called "greatest generation" completely failed to pass it on.
I don't want to be harsh, but that applies to my generation as well. Do you wonder why my peers shrink at marriage? Because it started with the generation before us.
They were raised to think that marriage is limiting and that growing up is nothing but a pity.
Yes. My generation didn't arrive at this conclusion for themselves. They're really not smart enough for that. My generation was taught that it is better to be young.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard these statements:
"Just wait until you have to pay bills! Then you'll care about turning the lights off!"
"Enjoy being single! You'll never be free again!"
"Once you have kids, the honeymoon is OVER!"
"Ooooh, I'm achy. To be young again...and my waistline would be much smaller for sure"
"Remember when we were kids? Those were the days...carefree and fancy-free!"
As a teenager, I listened. I listened to the women at church talking about their problems with middle-age. I listened to the elderly complaining about their aches and pains. I listened to the dads talking, careworn with bills and payments. I saw the magazines: "Look 10 years younger in 3 easy steps!" And I got the message: young is good. Old (or even "older") is bad.
And I didn't want to grow up. It sounded stressful. I didn't want to get married. It sounded limiting. I didn't want kids, because then things would never be the same again. I was afraid to be older.
When I was about 15, I read a proverb about the glory of the silver-headed being wisdom. I realized then that every age has its drawbacks. But every age also has its own unique joys that are to be cherished and appreciated. And no age is better than another, because they all have their own special problems and benefits.
Parents, your children need to hear that from you. They need to hear what you LOVE about being your age - snuggling your children, growing with your husband and marriage, the special perspective of a mother that you wouldn't trade for the world. Yes, you might not be able to move as fast and your metabolism isn't quite the same. But isn't it worth it to watch your daughter mature into a young woman? Isn't it worth it to have your son run into your arms?
They need to know that. They need to know that when they grow up, it will be okay to be older, and that they will enjoy it. They need to know that, when you're walking with the Lord, 30 is great. 40 is great. 50 is great. They need to know that you are still learning, and that you are enjoying your life.
My generation can't grow up because they were taught to love their youth too much. They were taught that no benefits come with age. They've been taught to devalue wisdom and the experiences that bring it, and instead to value only independence and irresponsibility.
Selfish, self-absorbed, and irresponsible? Definitely. But raised to think so. So how do you fix it?
If forty is the new thirty, then thirty is the new twenty. And twenty is too young to be tied down with a husband!
You can tell us to get a grip. You can tell us to grow up. You can tell us that we're selfish, self-absorbed, and irresponsible. Most of these articles do that.
But you're not going to get anywhere with my generation if you don't get to the root of the issue.
Addressing the symptoms isn't enough. You can force a boy into marriage, but you can't make that marriage last. You can force him to move out, but you can't keep him out of debt. You can even frustrate him into having kids, but you can't make him a good parent.
No, you have to address the cause:
WHY is my generation having trouble growing up?
I don't want to be harsh, but that applies to my generation as well. Do you wonder why my peers shrink at marriage? Because it started with the generation before us.
They were raised to think that marriage is limiting and that growing up is nothing but a pity.
Yes. My generation didn't arrive at this conclusion for themselves. They're really not smart enough for that. My generation was taught that it is better to be young.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard these statements:
"Just wait until you have to pay bills! Then you'll care about turning the lights off!"
"Enjoy being single! You'll never be free again!"
"Once you have kids, the honeymoon is OVER!"
"Ooooh, I'm achy. To be young again...and my waistline would be much smaller for sure"
"Remember when we were kids? Those were the days...carefree and fancy-free!"
As a teenager, I listened. I listened to the women at church talking about their problems with middle-age. I listened to the elderly complaining about their aches and pains. I listened to the dads talking, careworn with bills and payments. I saw the magazines: "Look 10 years younger in 3 easy steps!" And I got the message: young is good. Old (or even "older") is bad.
And I didn't want to grow up. It sounded stressful. I didn't want to get married. It sounded limiting. I didn't want kids, because then things would never be the same again. I was afraid to be older.
When I was about 15, I read a proverb about the glory of the silver-headed being wisdom. I realized then that every age has its drawbacks. But every age also has its own unique joys that are to be cherished and appreciated. And no age is better than another, because they all have their own special problems and benefits.
Parents, your children need to hear that from you. They need to hear what you LOVE about being your age - snuggling your children, growing with your husband and marriage, the special perspective of a mother that you wouldn't trade for the world. Yes, you might not be able to move as fast and your metabolism isn't quite the same. But isn't it worth it to watch your daughter mature into a young woman? Isn't it worth it to have your son run into your arms?
They need to know that. They need to know that when they grow up, it will be okay to be older, and that they will enjoy it. They need to know that, when you're walking with the Lord, 30 is great. 40 is great. 50 is great. They need to know that you are still learning, and that you are enjoying your life.
My generation can't grow up because they were taught to love their youth too much. They were taught that no benefits come with age. They've been taught to devalue wisdom and the experiences that bring it, and instead to value only independence and irresponsibility.
Selfish, self-absorbed, and irresponsible? Definitely. But raised to think so. So how do you fix it?
Send the other message.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Sense of Belonging
It may sound funny, but after four years of being here, I finally am starting to feel like we belong to the community. Not just the college community, but the community of our neighbors. I am finally starting to feel like we're contributors.
On Friday, we stopped to grab a bite after dinner after work and then went to a concert. And I saw not one, but two, of my AWANA girls throughout the course of the evening. Today on the way to church, some friends pulled up next to our car and waved. A visiting choir to our church brought some old friends we hadn't seen in a while. A college buddy of Josh's stopped us as we were leaving Costco.
I grew up in the"dog-and-pony" show, as my mom liked to call it. No matter where we went, there was someone who knew my mom who would report any negative behavior - and believe me, she heard about it! Skirts that were an inch too short, a thoughtless remark, an emotional outburst in public...busted. Somehow or another, word got back to Mom. Belonging to the community somehow didn't feel like such a privilege. :P
But now, having been transplanted, it is nice to have a place. It is nice to know the people I am shopping with, eating with, working with. It is nice to have that "small-town" feel, where you are not just another stranger.
And most of all, it is good to know that we belong here. It could be tempting to view this point in our lives as a transition period, a time when we're just waiting for Josh to finish grad school. It could be tempting to breeze along with superficial relationships and limited involvement in the lives of others.
But life is never transitional. Life is always the fullest right where you're at. The fact that life is always changing indicates that it never is - we must only learn how to create normalcy out of changing situations. A lot can change in a few months.
But our need for fellowship, community,and belonging never will.
On Friday, we stopped to grab a bite after dinner after work and then went to a concert. And I saw not one, but two, of my AWANA girls throughout the course of the evening. Today on the way to church, some friends pulled up next to our car and waved. A visiting choir to our church brought some old friends we hadn't seen in a while. A college buddy of Josh's stopped us as we were leaving Costco.
I grew up in the"dog-and-pony" show, as my mom liked to call it. No matter where we went, there was someone who knew my mom who would report any negative behavior - and believe me, she heard about it! Skirts that were an inch too short, a thoughtless remark, an emotional outburst in public...busted. Somehow or another, word got back to Mom. Belonging to the community somehow didn't feel like such a privilege. :P
But now, having been transplanted, it is nice to have a place. It is nice to know the people I am shopping with, eating with, working with. It is nice to have that "small-town" feel, where you are not just another stranger.
And most of all, it is good to know that we belong here. It could be tempting to view this point in our lives as a transition period, a time when we're just waiting for Josh to finish grad school. It could be tempting to breeze along with superficial relationships and limited involvement in the lives of others.
But life is never transitional. Life is always the fullest right where you're at. The fact that life is always changing indicates that it never is - we must only learn how to create normalcy out of changing situations. A lot can change in a few months.
But our need for fellowship, community,and belonging never will.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
My Smaller Vocabulary
Sometimes I feel like being a young married has robbed me of the meaning of some of my favorite vocabulary words. For example:
Me in May 2010: "Oh my goodness....I'm sooooo hungry all the time lately. I can't wait for lunch!"
Friend 1: "Haha yeah, me too! Sitting in class really works up my appetite! Wanna go grab lunch now?"
Friend 2: "In the meantime, have some almonds!"
Me now: "Oh my goodness....I'm sooooo hungry all the time lately. I can't wait for lunch!"
Friend 1: *casts furtive glance to friend2*
Friend 2: *timidly* "You're...hungry? ALL the time? Are you.... *whispers* eating for two?"
Me: *sigh*
Me in May 2010: "Oh, I'd really love some oranges right now. I've been craving them lately."
Friend 1: "Hmmm, you must be low in vitamin C. Here, have a vitamin."
Me now: "Oh, I'd really love some oranges right now. I've been craving them lately."
Friend 1: "OHMYGOSH YOU'RE HAVING CRAVINGS?!?!?!?!?"
Me in May 2010: *baby toddles by* "Awww, how cute"
Friend 1: "Awwwwww....look at those little ringlets!"
Friend 2: "I just want to pick her up and squeeze her!"
Me now: *baby toddles by* "Awww, how cute"
*awkward silence*
Friend 1: "so....you want any of your own?"
Friend 2: "Are you trying to tell us something?"
Me in May 1020: "Ugh, breakfast just didn't sit right in my stomach. I don't feel so great."
Friend: "Aw, I'm sorry...why don't you lay down until chapel?"
Me now: "Ugh, breakfast just didn't sit right in my stomach. I don't feel so great."
Friend: "You're.....SICK? In...the MORNING???"
The ironic thing is that most likely, when I AM thinking of announcing something, but am not quite ready to make that announcement or am not quite sure, I will probably be avoiding all suggestive terms. So the fact that I am telling you about my cravings should indicate that I am NOT craving pickles and ice cream.
Until then, I'll just have to deal with the sudden interest in all things relating to my appetite, my opinion of children, and anytime I'm just not feeling well.
Me in May 2010: "Oh my goodness....I'm sooooo hungry all the time lately. I can't wait for lunch!"
Friend 1: "Haha yeah, me too! Sitting in class really works up my appetite! Wanna go grab lunch now?"
Friend 2: "In the meantime, have some almonds!"
Me now: "Oh my goodness....I'm sooooo hungry all the time lately. I can't wait for lunch!"
Friend 1: *casts furtive glance to friend2*
Friend 2: *timidly* "You're...hungry? ALL the time? Are you.... *whispers* eating for two?"
Me: *sigh*
Me in May 2010: "Oh, I'd really love some oranges right now. I've been craving them lately."
Friend 1: "Hmmm, you must be low in vitamin C. Here, have a vitamin."
Me now: "Oh, I'd really love some oranges right now. I've been craving them lately."
Friend 1: "OHMYGOSH YOU'RE HAVING CRAVINGS?!?!?!?!?"
Me in May 2010: *baby toddles by* "Awww, how cute"
Friend 1: "Awwwwww....look at those little ringlets!"
Friend 2: "I just want to pick her up and squeeze her!"
Me now: *baby toddles by* "Awww, how cute"
*awkward silence*
Friend 1: "so....you want any of your own?"
Friend 2: "Are you trying to tell us something?"
Me in May 1020: "Ugh, breakfast just didn't sit right in my stomach. I don't feel so great."
Friend: "Aw, I'm sorry...why don't you lay down until chapel?"
Me now: "Ugh, breakfast just didn't sit right in my stomach. I don't feel so great."
Friend: "You're.....SICK? In...the MORNING???"
The ironic thing is that most likely, when I AM thinking of announcing something, but am not quite ready to make that announcement or am not quite sure, I will probably be avoiding all suggestive terms. So the fact that I am telling you about my cravings should indicate that I am NOT craving pickles and ice cream.
Until then, I'll just have to deal with the sudden interest in all things relating to my appetite, my opinion of children, and anytime I'm just not feeling well.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Prince Charming
This article is a very short description of a very big problem. You would think that, driven by Hollywood stories as it is, this would be predominant in the dating circles (and it is). But courtship isn't exempt from the Prince Charming syndrome, either. In fact, in some ways, it goes even deeper because girls tend to think of courtship as a one-time chance. So they wait to start a courtship until it's the perfect guy standing in front of them.
I had a friend in college who was very committed to her idea of her perfect mate. He would come and they would instantly be attracted to each other. Her dad would love him. Her little brothers and sisters would worship him. Everyone would make comments to them- "Oh, you two are soooo perfect for each other!" He would be manly - he would play football, basketball, and know how to fix cars. He would be well-respected and friends with everyone. He would be funny, sweet, and would be able to dance.
My friend was very cute, was fun-loving, and had no shortage of guys who were willing to call on her. But she never gave them a chance. She turned down multiple dates, dance invitations, and coffee outings. As as I watched the guys who were being rejected, I saw quite a few that she got along with quite well. That she respected and enjoyed. That would be a good match. But because of her ideal, she couldn't even consider anyone else.
I wonder sometimes if she will ever get married. It's not that no one would want to marry her - I know half a dozen guys who would love the chance. It's that she'll never find what she's looking for, and she'll never "settle" for less.
Moms, you've got to help your girls understand this. There's no such thing as a "perfect" match - at least, not perfect in the way we picture it. I always pictured myself marrying an introvert who liked to read, and we would be able to read together and talk about our favorite books. I had to let go of that picture. But I'm very happy.
Love isn't an irresistible attraction. It's not something you "just can't help." You can choose to love someone, and you can choose to not love someone. That's not to say you should marry someone you're not attracted to, but you shouldn't expect that attraction to be full and complete. No matter who you marry, there will be areas of his personality and habits that you're just NOT attracted to.
But it's a choice - are you willing to let those expectations stand in the way of what can otherwise be a very healthy and happy relationship?
I had a friend in college who was very committed to her idea of her perfect mate. He would come and they would instantly be attracted to each other. Her dad would love him. Her little brothers and sisters would worship him. Everyone would make comments to them- "Oh, you two are soooo perfect for each other!" He would be manly - he would play football, basketball, and know how to fix cars. He would be well-respected and friends with everyone. He would be funny, sweet, and would be able to dance.
My friend was very cute, was fun-loving, and had no shortage of guys who were willing to call on her. But she never gave them a chance. She turned down multiple dates, dance invitations, and coffee outings. As as I watched the guys who were being rejected, I saw quite a few that she got along with quite well. That she respected and enjoyed. That would be a good match. But because of her ideal, she couldn't even consider anyone else.
I wonder sometimes if she will ever get married. It's not that no one would want to marry her - I know half a dozen guys who would love the chance. It's that she'll never find what she's looking for, and she'll never "settle" for less.
Moms, you've got to help your girls understand this. There's no such thing as a "perfect" match - at least, not perfect in the way we picture it. I always pictured myself marrying an introvert who liked to read, and we would be able to read together and talk about our favorite books. I had to let go of that picture. But I'm very happy.
Love isn't an irresistible attraction. It's not something you "just can't help." You can choose to love someone, and you can choose to not love someone. That's not to say you should marry someone you're not attracted to, but you shouldn't expect that attraction to be full and complete. No matter who you marry, there will be areas of his personality and habits that you're just NOT attracted to.
But it's a choice - are you willing to let those expectations stand in the way of what can otherwise be a very healthy and happy relationship?
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Why Smatterings?
Why name my blog smatterings? I am ever more deeply reminded of why I chose that name as I wrestle with the memories of my courtship experience and how to extract, clarify, condense, and explain the many lessons I learned.
"Smatterings" is defined as "a small, scattered amount or number," or "slight or superficial knowledge." He speaks a smattering of French. She has a smattering of of freckles. There is a smattering of left-handed people.
There is a difference between being smart, being intelligent, and being wise. Smartness is head knowledge. You can be street-smart, a smart mathematician, smart in geography. It means you know a lot and retain information. My (big) little brother is smart in sports stats.
Intelligence is how quickly you learn. An intelligent person picks up on systems and patterns and organizes information in a way to be able to retain it -- or at the very least, to know how to find it again. Intelligence allows you to grasp concepts and see possibilities that mere knowledge wouldn't allow. In short, "smartness" is an information collection and intelligence is the system by which that information is processed; the efficiency of the system affects the speed at which it can be processed. Thus, intelligent people are generally smart, but we all know that is not always the case. :P
Without wisdom, however, they both are useless. Wisdom allows you to apply that information to life situations. It allows you to view information through the light of abstract concepts. It allows you to bring information to a moral conclusion. It allows you to choose to overlook certain facts. It is wisdom that allows you to someone as an immortal soul.
With so much involved in learning, it is no wonder that most people only have a smattering of knowledge and even less have wisdom. I am deeply aware that the more I read, the more I learn, the more I comprehend, I have only scratched the surface. But it is also deeply impressed in me the minor importance of intelligence and smartness compared to wisdom. The first two are limited: no matter how much knowledge you gain, you will always be ignorant. There will always be subjects you don't even know exist. There will always be updates that makes your knowledge obsolete.
Wisdom, however, is timeless. But it, even more than the others, is a choice. You must choose to comprehend. You must make the effort to process your information in a way that increases wisdom. And you must decide to seek the source.
Like the others, it's an eternal search on this earth. You will never be all-wise. But unlike the others, wisdom never stops benefiting you. It is never outdated.
So..."Smatterings." I will only ever have a smattering of knowledge. But it is my intention to take those smatterings and process them in a way that gives a deeper comprehension. It is my choice to use those smatterings in the search for the good, the true, and the beautiful.
"Smatterings" is defined as "a small, scattered amount or number," or "slight or superficial knowledge." He speaks a smattering of French. She has a smattering of of freckles. There is a smattering of left-handed people.
There is a difference between being smart, being intelligent, and being wise. Smartness is head knowledge. You can be street-smart, a smart mathematician, smart in geography. It means you know a lot and retain information. My (big) little brother is smart in sports stats.
Intelligence is how quickly you learn. An intelligent person picks up on systems and patterns and organizes information in a way to be able to retain it -- or at the very least, to know how to find it again. Intelligence allows you to grasp concepts and see possibilities that mere knowledge wouldn't allow. In short, "smartness" is an information collection and intelligence is the system by which that information is processed; the efficiency of the system affects the speed at which it can be processed. Thus, intelligent people are generally smart, but we all know that is not always the case. :P
Without wisdom, however, they both are useless. Wisdom allows you to apply that information to life situations. It allows you to view information through the light of abstract concepts. It allows you to bring information to a moral conclusion. It allows you to choose to overlook certain facts. It is wisdom that allows you to someone as an immortal soul.
With so much involved in learning, it is no wonder that most people only have a smattering of knowledge and even less have wisdom. I am deeply aware that the more I read, the more I learn, the more I comprehend, I have only scratched the surface. But it is also deeply impressed in me the minor importance of intelligence and smartness compared to wisdom. The first two are limited: no matter how much knowledge you gain, you will always be ignorant. There will always be subjects you don't even know exist. There will always be updates that makes your knowledge obsolete.
Wisdom, however, is timeless. But it, even more than the others, is a choice. You must choose to comprehend. You must make the effort to process your information in a way that increases wisdom. And you must decide to seek the source.
Like the others, it's an eternal search on this earth. You will never be all-wise. But unlike the others, wisdom never stops benefiting you. It is never outdated.
So..."Smatterings." I will only ever have a smattering of knowledge. But it is my intention to take those smatterings and process them in a way that gives a deeper comprehension. It is my choice to use those smatterings in the search for the good, the true, and the beautiful.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Back to Basics, part 1
High school. What do you do with it?
A lot of my ideas about courtship formed while I was in high school. It was very easy to let them form, too - I was very withdrawn and didn't have many guy friends (actually, I didn't have all that many friends in general, so it wasn't really about the guys), so there wasn't much to keep me from thinking that my courtship would be ideal. Ironically, the one thing that helped me make guy friends was playing Josie Pye in Anne of Green Gables. All that flirting gave me something to laugh about with the guys! And since I almost never appeared on stage with other girls, I usually ended up having my backstage waits/practice sessions with the guys.
The next year, starting debate, I found myself spending most of my friend time with the two guys in debate with me, and we quickly became fast friends. Still, the fact that we were the three amigos meant that I never had the answer the question: what do you do about one-on-one time with guys that are just friends? Are you putting yourself in an awkward situation? This was never something that came up for me in high school.
As I've been thinking about this, I've been hard-pressed to come up with an answer because the experience in college is completely different. At an age where marriage suddenly becomes an imminent possibility, things change. But there are a few basic principles that I'd like to point out before I get back to thinking about it.
A lot of my ideas about courtship formed while I was in high school. It was very easy to let them form, too - I was very withdrawn and didn't have many guy friends (actually, I didn't have all that many friends in general, so it wasn't really about the guys), so there wasn't much to keep me from thinking that my courtship would be ideal. Ironically, the one thing that helped me make guy friends was playing Josie Pye in Anne of Green Gables. All that flirting gave me something to laugh about with the guys! And since I almost never appeared on stage with other girls, I usually ended up having my backstage waits/practice sessions with the guys.
The next year, starting debate, I found myself spending most of my friend time with the two guys in debate with me, and we quickly became fast friends. Still, the fact that we were the three amigos meant that I never had the answer the question: what do you do about one-on-one time with guys that are just friends? Are you putting yourself in an awkward situation? This was never something that came up for me in high school.
As I've been thinking about this, I've been hard-pressed to come up with an answer because the experience in college is completely different. At an age where marriage suddenly becomes an imminent possibility, things change. But there are a few basic principles that I'd like to point out before I get back to thinking about it.
- First things first: the parents are the authority. So as a high school girl, if the parents want limited interactions with guys, then you've just got to trust that God will work through that.
- Preparation for marriage begins from birth. Even toddlers are getting ideas about what marriage looks like from their parents. So even high schoolers who will not be in a relationship until ready for marriage shouldn't block it completely from their consciousness. It's okay to identify characteristics in guys that you want to see. It's okay to be thinking about marriage in high school. It is NOT okay to obsess about it, or to let anything distract you from joy in Christ.
- In all things, your goal is to treat others with God's love. Ignoring them is not okay. Neither is hanging out exclusively with other girls, giggling and acting silly (which tends to make guys uncomfortable). Not that it's wrong to be silly -- but we do owe others the courtesy of saving those moments when we're alone with our friends!
- Common sense - if you're not in a relationship, why would you lead someone to think that you were? Why would you encourage someone to think they were in one with you? At times, I did run errands or spend time talking with various guy friends, but the focus was not in spending time together, but in serving someone else. On the few occasions I ended up at coffee or grabbing a bite to eat with a guy friend, it wasn't because we had sought to be alone together. It was because our moms were together and we had time to kill, or we had both been sent to pick up siblings from an event that was running late, or something similar. And those times were great, and I strengthened my friendships with these great brothers of mine. But notice the emphasis was NOT on spending exclusive time together.
Just a few thoughts, to be yet pondered and expanded. Feel free to make comments/ask for clarification.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Life Update
I'm making an effort to be more personal, rather than offering disembodied thoughts and abstractions. Which isn't hard, because I don't have a lot of time for thoughts and abstractions.
One of my coworkers left for another job today. You don't work for a non-profit because of the money, which means our office is particularly close and my coworkers have become some of my closest friends. Losing someone hurts not only on a professional how-are-we-going-to-survive-without-you level, but also on the awww-man-I'm-really-going-to-miss-you level. We've all been a little sad this week, and there may have been a few tears in the office today. I love my work environment - it's like going to work really means going to hang out with your friends. But it's tough to say goodbye.
On the same front, there's a reason you don't work for a non-profit for the money - there's not much of it. We're not hiring to fill her position, which means I'm inheriting her job as the website manager and publications designer on top of my usual administrative and communications tasks. Not only do I have a lot to learn, but my boss is on baby watch for the next two weeks. It's going to be a lonely and incredibly busy few weeks.
We're also undertaking a membership class for the church we're attending. Not only is it eight hours of getting-to-know-you, deep theological wrestlings, and pizza tomorrow, but our interest in membership was announced to the church (not in a pressuring sort of way) and the congregation was encouraged to "get to know" us. Not that they really needed the extra reminder -- they're already the most hospitable church I've ever seen. If Baptists are about potlucks, then Presbyterians are about inviting others over for lunch after the service.
I really appreciate it, though. My biggest struggle since graduation has been maintaining close female friendships (outside of work, that is). We have lots of couple friends, and Josh has his guy friends from college. But that need has not yet been met for me. I am hoping that as we get more involved in the church, I'll find that girlfriend who shares my interests and dreams.
And finally, both Josh and I have had our first experiences driving in wind, snow, and ice. It's not so bad. :) We passed about 7 cars in the ditch on the way to work yesterday, and those coming home from the city had an 8-hour commute on Wednesday night. But I already feel much more comfortable handling a car in poor weather conditions. I just needed to know how it felt. :)
Until I've had the time to catch my breath and gather my thoughts...hasta luego and happy weekend!
One of my coworkers left for another job today. You don't work for a non-profit because of the money, which means our office is particularly close and my coworkers have become some of my closest friends. Losing someone hurts not only on a professional how-are-we-going-to-survive-without-you level, but also on the awww-man-I'm-really-going-to-miss-you level. We've all been a little sad this week, and there may have been a few tears in the office today. I love my work environment - it's like going to work really means going to hang out with your friends. But it's tough to say goodbye.
On the same front, there's a reason you don't work for a non-profit for the money - there's not much of it. We're not hiring to fill her position, which means I'm inheriting her job as the website manager and publications designer on top of my usual administrative and communications tasks. Not only do I have a lot to learn, but my boss is on baby watch for the next two weeks. It's going to be a lonely and incredibly busy few weeks.
We're also undertaking a membership class for the church we're attending. Not only is it eight hours of getting-to-know-you, deep theological wrestlings, and pizza tomorrow, but our interest in membership was announced to the church (not in a pressuring sort of way) and the congregation was encouraged to "get to know" us. Not that they really needed the extra reminder -- they're already the most hospitable church I've ever seen. If Baptists are about potlucks, then Presbyterians are about inviting others over for lunch after the service.
I really appreciate it, though. My biggest struggle since graduation has been maintaining close female friendships (outside of work, that is). We have lots of couple friends, and Josh has his guy friends from college. But that need has not yet been met for me. I am hoping that as we get more involved in the church, I'll find that girlfriend who shares my interests and dreams.
And finally, both Josh and I have had our first experiences driving in wind, snow, and ice. It's not so bad. :) We passed about 7 cars in the ditch on the way to work yesterday, and those coming home from the city had an 8-hour commute on Wednesday night. But I already feel much more comfortable handling a car in poor weather conditions. I just needed to know how it felt. :)
Until I've had the time to catch my breath and gather my thoughts...hasta luego and happy weekend!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
This Present Sojourn
In reading through Genesis, I'm noticing how much of OT life revolved around the wells. As much as the tents they lived in were symbols of their journey in faith, so their wells were symbols of God's faithfulness along their journeys. Their temporary residences depended on the presence of water. Their arguments and quarrels were about the wells. When they wanted to mark a spot, they named the wells. The wells were their sustenance, their security.
Like their tents, I too have periods in my spiritual life where I dwelt by certain "wells"of God's providence. There have been times where I needed certain truths to soak in, to be immersed in some aspects of the gospel that I only partially understood. Sometimes learning must stop to make way for greater comprehension - new information does very little for those who are already misinformed.
Like the OT patriarchs, I can look back on my spiritual growth by tracking those times of rest, of understanding. It is good for the soul to not trek on mercilessly. Even spiritual journeys need a resting place sometimes, and that is usually where the recovery takes place that allows Christian to continue his trek. But even more than that...
When men in the Bible built a well, they moved on. But the well remained. I find it telling that Isaac camped at Beer Lahai Roi -- the same well that Hagar brought Ishmael in despair and saw God. Ishmael's growth and sustenance became Isaac's, by a twist of irony. The same God nurtured both and allowed them rest in the same place.
I too have benefited by the wells of others. Countless counselors have spoken truth gleaned from their own experience. Comforters have remembered their pain to empathize with mine. Those spiritual camp-outs by the wells of truth have lasted far beyond their own thirst. Through their writings and encouragement, I can follow in their footsteps. And I can leave my own path behind, for others to learn from. And by recording the ways my needs were met in the past, I can return in the future to remember his faithfulness in the past, which should inspire my trust in the present..
Just a couple thoughts. :)
Like their tents, I too have periods in my spiritual life where I dwelt by certain "wells"of God's providence. There have been times where I needed certain truths to soak in, to be immersed in some aspects of the gospel that I only partially understood. Sometimes learning must stop to make way for greater comprehension - new information does very little for those who are already misinformed.
Like the OT patriarchs, I can look back on my spiritual growth by tracking those times of rest, of understanding. It is good for the soul to not trek on mercilessly. Even spiritual journeys need a resting place sometimes, and that is usually where the recovery takes place that allows Christian to continue his trek. But even more than that...
When men in the Bible built a well, they moved on. But the well remained. I find it telling that Isaac camped at Beer Lahai Roi -- the same well that Hagar brought Ishmael in despair and saw God. Ishmael's growth and sustenance became Isaac's, by a twist of irony. The same God nurtured both and allowed them rest in the same place.
I too have benefited by the wells of others. Countless counselors have spoken truth gleaned from their own experience. Comforters have remembered their pain to empathize with mine. Those spiritual camp-outs by the wells of truth have lasted far beyond their own thirst. Through their writings and encouragement, I can follow in their footsteps. And I can leave my own path behind, for others to learn from. And by recording the ways my needs were met in the past, I can return in the future to remember his faithfulness in the past, which should inspire my trust in the present..
Just a couple thoughts. :)
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Pray for Josh
Tomorrow night he goes to an open house at the school he wants to attend for his Master's. He'll be going to night classes, so this is a trial run - he'll take the metro in. Pray that everything transportation-related will go smoothly so we know what to expect come fall when school starts with his commute.
Pray also that he'll get home early enough to get a good, restful night of sleep because...
...his GRE is on Saturday.
So much for being done with major tests.
We've both had an incredibly draining, eventful, and head-spinning sort of week (yeah, you'll probably hear more about that later - I'm in hyper-preparation mode, so I have a one-track mind and it will probably come up), so we do covet your prayers for this weekend.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Conflict Resolution
One of the things that strikes me as a very obvious weakness in couples today is conflict resolution. It's obvious, it's a chronic problem through the generations, it's in every marriage handbook. Instant gratification is a big part of it - no one knows how to deny themselves anymore. And compromise almost always involves that.
But even more than that, I think the mark of a couple that can live together well is how they solve conflicts outside of themselves. What happens when there's a potentially sticky situation that needs to be decided? I find that many conflicts between young couples are actually rooted in a fear of conflicts with others.
For example, what happens when you have to make a decision based on someone's expectation of you? Does your fear of confrontation from the other person overpower your fear of confrontation with your spouse?
I would suggest that in most cases it does. At some point, you ceased to be concerned with your reputation to your spouse. Let them think what they will - they know your every flaw anyway. But there remains a concern for what other people think, and so we still want to live up to their expectation. Thus, we may make choices to please others, rather than serve our marriage to our best ability.
Conflict resolution skills are important not just in your marriage, but for your marriage. Being able to handle disappointing other people, being able to handle momentary tension in those relationships, will help maintain unity in a marriage in those times where you just have to make tough decisions.
It's been one of those days for us. I've always considered myself to be a highly non-confrontational person. Yet I am finding more and more that in my generation (and in the workplace!), I'm actually more willing to confront than most. I am also finding out that setting boundaries with others in areas that could affect the time and energy that I can spend with my husband is a worthwhile investment and peace-maker.
I've heard that conflict resolution is a big issue with many young marrieds. But I'm realizing that for us, a lot of conflicts can be avoided by resolving things with other people.
But even more than that, I think the mark of a couple that can live together well is how they solve conflicts outside of themselves. What happens when there's a potentially sticky situation that needs to be decided? I find that many conflicts between young couples are actually rooted in a fear of conflicts with others.
For example, what happens when you have to make a decision based on someone's expectation of you? Does your fear of confrontation from the other person overpower your fear of confrontation with your spouse?
I would suggest that in most cases it does. At some point, you ceased to be concerned with your reputation to your spouse. Let them think what they will - they know your every flaw anyway. But there remains a concern for what other people think, and so we still want to live up to their expectation. Thus, we may make choices to please others, rather than serve our marriage to our best ability.
Conflict resolution skills are important not just in your marriage, but for your marriage. Being able to handle disappointing other people, being able to handle momentary tension in those relationships, will help maintain unity in a marriage in those times where you just have to make tough decisions.
It's been one of those days for us. I've always considered myself to be a highly non-confrontational person. Yet I am finding more and more that in my generation (and in the workplace!), I'm actually more willing to confront than most. I am also finding out that setting boundaries with others in areas that could affect the time and energy that I can spend with my husband is a worthwhile investment and peace-maker.
I've heard that conflict resolution is a big issue with many young marrieds. But I'm realizing that for us, a lot of conflicts can be avoided by resolving things with other people.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Kanani
Can I help but give a shout-out to the new American Girl doll?
http://www.americangirl.com/index.php
I had the name first though! ...okay, probably not really. I've gone by Kanani for a year and 8 days, and she's probably been in the works for at least that time.
But still...it's fun to have a namesake. :)
HT: Ash (thanks for pointing her out to me!) ;)
P.S. By the way, if anyone has any questions about how courtship worked for Josh and me or how it's perceived, please do comment or something. I want to be helpful, but I don't know what is most helpful.
http://www.americangirl.com/index.php
I had the name first though! ...okay, probably not really. I've gone by Kanani for a year and 8 days, and she's probably been in the works for at least that time.
But still...it's fun to have a namesake. :)
HT: Ash (thanks for pointing her out to me!) ;)
P.S. By the way, if anyone has any questions about how courtship worked for Josh and me or how it's perceived, please do comment or something. I want to be helpful, but I don't know what is most helpful.
Friday, January 7, 2011
A Sad Realization..
I've had a very sobering couple of weeks after a series of conversations. I find myself giving marriage advice...out of the wealth of seven months of experience. I ought to be the one seeking advice, not offering it!
A friend approached concerned about a couple that is close to her. They married two months after us, and already are considering splitting up. It came as a shock to my system. Four months of marriage and giving up- I cannot even comprehend! What has for me been a supremely happy time has for them been misery.
Don't get me wrong, I've found marriage to have all sorts of....shall I call them "stretching experiences"? I've learned a lot both about Josh and myself (and about his twin, coincidentally). But the good has ALWAYS overpowered the bad, and so the hard parts have been completely and utterly worth it.
Yet to be blissfully in love on the day of your wedding and on the verge of disaster before it's even been half a year....
And yet again, I am painfully aware that my generation is emotionally and relationally stunted.
What's the problem? And how do we help solve it?
A friend approached concerned about a couple that is close to her. They married two months after us, and already are considering splitting up. It came as a shock to my system. Four months of marriage and giving up- I cannot even comprehend! What has for me been a supremely happy time has for them been misery.
Don't get me wrong, I've found marriage to have all sorts of....shall I call them "stretching experiences"? I've learned a lot both about Josh and myself (and about his twin, coincidentally). But the good has ALWAYS overpowered the bad, and so the hard parts have been completely and utterly worth it.
Yet to be blissfully in love on the day of your wedding and on the verge of disaster before it's even been half a year....
And yet again, I am painfully aware that my generation is emotionally and relationally stunted.
What's the problem? And how do we help solve it?
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