I found my new favorite blog to follow this week while doing a little research. It really resonated with me, so I went to the "About" section to read about the author. I don't agree with all her positions - but that's kinda the point.
And it reminded me of something that really hit me hard after Kekoa was born: the luxury my generation has to be "sorta".
It started during a conversation with one of my midwives, halfway through the pregnancy. She asked me if I had a particular birthing philosophy that I was going to use. I told her that I had seen a few Bradley births and I was interested in trying it out. "Okay," she said.
Her eyes, however, hesitated. I noticed. And asked if she had any suggestions for a better birth experience.
"Well, Bradley can be a very effective method. If you want a natural childbirth, there are a lot of good tips and techniques.
But...sometimes the Bradley philosophy is mistrustful of doctors. I want you to trust me while I'm birthing your baby. If you feel like I or the nurses are working against you, then it's going to be more stressful for you.
Also, Bradley's original philosophy is based on medical practices from several decades ago. I'm completely behind natural childbirth, but if an emergency came up, I wouldn't want you stressing about the medical implications. Things have changed a lot."
And to be honest, that kind of was along the lines of what I was thinking anyway. I read Dr. Bradley's book (Husband-Coached Childbirth), and I didn't agree with a lot of his premises (for one thing, he uses "animals do it" as an argument far too many times. Yes, and animals also pick bugs off each other and eat them!). So while I was fine with using the technique, I wasn't sure I liked his reasons.
So...I had a sorta Bradley birth. And I'm glad I did, because some of it was helpful. But a strictly Bradley approach wouldn't have worked with my labor. For one thing, I completely skipped the "serious" emotional signpost, but left for the hospital anyway (whew! So glad we did!). For another, coaching was only helpful to me in the car. The rest of the time, I was relaxed. Someone trying to help me through contractions only reminded me that contractions are supposed to be painful - and therefore, they were.
If I hadn't been "sorta" behind Bradley, I would have felt guilty for not doing it "right". Even now, sometimes I do feel guilty that I didn't need Josh more.
As I was processing the birth, this really got me thinking. My parents' generation didn't have the luxury of taking a "sorta" approach. Medically, you couldn't birth naturally unless you were really committed to it and ready to fight for it.
I didn't have to fight.
Homeschooling was the same way. My parents were in the pioneering generation - you were either completely behind the philosophy or you weren't. There wasn't the option for outside classes, etc. They had to figure things out for themselves.
I get to chew the meat of their experiences, and spit out the bones.
And the list goes on and on. I am "sorta" into attachment parenting, and I "sorta" use baby whisperer techniques. Like Megan on the blog, I'm "sorta" into natural living and DIY solutions.
My generation has this luxury. We can take advantage of the trail-blazing by our parents, and the advantage of technological and medical improvements, and get the best of both worlds.
We have the luxury of resisting the mainstream without being rebels, of making different lifestyle choices without being labeled as complete wackos.
What an awesome privilege, right? I don't need to feel guilty because I don't agree 100% with a particular philosophy. I can wear a sling AND have a routine. I can homeschool AND take advantage of other classes. I can use cloth diapers AND disposables when convenient. I can eat healthily AND enjoy a hot dog every now and then. No guilt. No fear.
Thanks to "wacko" pioneers like my homeschooling parents, life is no longer either/or.
That's is not an excuse to be complacent, or to lack in passion and convictions - but it is a blessing. It means that we can get away from the extremism that so often builds up walls - but without compromising our beliefs.
What a luxury that is indeed. :)
Friday, August 31, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
The Friendship That Wasn't
Today on our walk, Kekoa and I saw a caterpillar which had been flipped upside down and was flopping about quite effectively on its back, with its little legs waving wildly in the air.
Or rather, I saw a caterpillar. The whole point of taking the walk at that particular moment of time was to calm a very angry little boy down after a gregarious cup of water attempted to make friends with his head. Apparently, Kekoa isn't quite as sociable as I thought.
Needless to say, the friendship was very trying for all parties involved, and caused Kekoa to be quite upset enough to forget that he needed a nap.
Anyway. I don't think he noticed the caterpillar.
I thought about flipping the caterpillar over, but he seemed to be so happily mobile on his back that I almost thought he might have done it on purpose, the way little girls love to walk around on their hands. I left him quite literally doing the worm.
Or rather, I saw a caterpillar. The whole point of taking the walk at that particular moment of time was to calm a very angry little boy down after a gregarious cup of water attempted to make friends with his head. Apparently, Kekoa isn't quite as sociable as I thought.
Needless to say, the friendship was very trying for all parties involved, and caused Kekoa to be quite upset enough to forget that he needed a nap.
Anyway. I don't think he noticed the caterpillar.
I thought about flipping the caterpillar over, but he seemed to be so happily mobile on his back that I almost thought he might have done it on purpose, the way little girls love to walk around on their hands. I left him quite literally doing the worm.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Are We All Braggarts?
I love, love this article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390444184704577587091630924000.html
We were talking about this at small group one night - the way the internet allows us to see the best of people, and never their failures. The way we carefully manage our online presence to be the best we can be.
The way we effectively shut people out of our lives by not allowing a single failure to slip through the cracks.
I've most seen this in the area of food. One friend posted a laugh-out-loud status a couple weeks ago: "If a gourmet meal was made and no one took a picture on Instragram, did it happen?" The word "homemade" has become a sneaky way of saying, "Look at me, I'm a domestic goddess." Congratulations, you boiled some noodles, added some cheese, and baked them. Way to go making your homemade gourmet mac n' cheese, you domestic goddess, you.
I think social media has almost become a way for us to stand on a table in the middle of the cafeteria and scream, "Hey everyone, look at me!" Come look at my blog. Look at my baby. Look at my mad sewing skills. Look at my frugality. Look at how far I can run. Look at what my amazing husband did for me (because I deserve it, of course!).
So. How do you break the cycle? Is it by posting your mistakes, failures, etc.? Or by not posting at all? Is there a difference between "sharing your life" and bragging? Where's the line? Is it just me, or are the people who openly acknowledge, "Hey, do you mind if I brag a bit?" the least annoying of all?
We were talking about this at small group one night - the way the internet allows us to see the best of people, and never their failures. The way we carefully manage our online presence to be the best we can be.
The way we effectively shut people out of our lives by not allowing a single failure to slip through the cracks.
I've most seen this in the area of food. One friend posted a laugh-out-loud status a couple weeks ago: "If a gourmet meal was made and no one took a picture on Instragram, did it happen?" The word "homemade" has become a sneaky way of saying, "Look at me, I'm a domestic goddess." Congratulations, you boiled some noodles, added some cheese, and baked them. Way to go making your homemade gourmet mac n' cheese, you domestic goddess, you.
I think social media has almost become a way for us to stand on a table in the middle of the cafeteria and scream, "Hey everyone, look at me!" Come look at my blog. Look at my baby. Look at my mad sewing skills. Look at my frugality. Look at how far I can run. Look at what my amazing husband did for me (because I deserve it, of course!).
So. How do you break the cycle? Is it by posting your mistakes, failures, etc.? Or by not posting at all? Is there a difference between "sharing your life" and bragging? Where's the line? Is it just me, or are the people who openly acknowledge, "Hey, do you mind if I brag a bit?" the least annoying of all?
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Dear Kekoa,
You wake up smiling. Toothless grins capture my heart.
Your grinning mouth dribbles a milky trail, as you meet my eyes with thanks.
AND THEN:
I hear that familiar squirt -- again (didn't I just change you??).
You headbang your way to sleep.
(at least we have an explanation for any future brain damage).
Then you decide that naps are for BABIES [and Mom, Daddy says I'm the MAN of the house while he's gone, your eyes tell me.]
You wake up smiling. Toothless grins capture my heart.
Your grinning mouth dribbles a milky trail, as you meet my eyes with thanks.
I could have at least four more of these, I think.
AND THEN:
I hear that familiar squirt -- again (didn't I just change you??).
You headbang your way to sleep.
(at least we have an explanation for any future brain damage).
Then you decide that naps are for BABIES [and Mom, Daddy says I'm the MAN of the house while he's gone, your eyes tell me.]
What a sweet only child.
 |
| What an imp! |
Saturday, August 11, 2012
In need of recommendations
I've found myself with a lot more time than I expected. Not time when I can actually do stuff, mind you. I'm talking about feeding times.
Most advice you read on breastfeeding seem to create two categories: women who prize breastfeeding as an almost spiritual experience and give their full and undivided attention at every feed, and women who view it as strictly business and can't wait for the day they wean.
The first is a little melodramatic and unrealistic, and the second is a little sad. I love the time I feed my baby, and I try to give Kekoa my full and undivided attention for a few feeds each day so that he will love it too. BUT every mom needs "me" time too, even if it means free time where I'm pinned down with a baby on my lap.
So I started reading. The Kindle only requires one hand to turn pages, so it's easy to manage without fumbling around. And I'm moving through books a lot faster than I expected!
When Josh started school, I made myself a list of books to read by the time he graduated. Below (italics are the ones I finished during his first year):
1. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (Baum)
2. The Deerslayer (Cooper)
3. The Hunt for Red October (Clancy)
4. A Rose for Emily (Faulkner)
5. The Man Who Knew Too Much (Chesterton)
6. The Face (Koontz)
7. Atlas Shrugged (Rand)
8. Love in the Ruins (Percy)
9. Of Mice and Men (Steinbeck)
10. The Greatest Man in the World (Thurber)
11. Slaughterhouse Five (Vonnegut)
12. Catcher in the Rye (Salinger)
13. For Whom the Bell Tolls (Hemingway)
14. How to Win Friends and Influence People (Carnegie)
15. Swiss Family Robinson (Wyss)
16. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (Covey)
17. Catch-22 (Heller)
18. Into the Wild (Krakauer)
19. The Divine Comedy (Dante) - I've read Inferno, but not the others
20. East of Eden (Steinbeck)
21. The Thin Red Line (Jones)
22. His Dark Materials (Pullman)
23. Tess of the D'Ubervilles (Hardy)
24. Rebecca (Du Maurier)
25. The Time Traveller's Wife (Niffeneggar)
26. Gone with the Wind (Mitchell) - I have to admit, I started this one, but Scarlett annoyed me so much I put it down. Life is too short to spend it angry with books.
27. The Wind in the Willows (Grahame)
28. Emma (Austen)
29. Persuasion (Austen)
30. The Kite Runner (Hosseini)
31. Memoirs of a Geisha (Golden)
32. Winnie the Pooh (Milne)
33. One Hundred Years of Solitude (Marquez)
34. Life of Pi (Martel)
35. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
36. The Lovely Bones (Sebold)
37. The Secret Garden (Burnett) - how had I never read this one???? I read the Great Illustrated Classics when I was young.
38. The Little Prince (Saint-Exupery)
39. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Dahl) - I still love the old movie the best, but reading the book helped me appreciate the new movie as well.
40. Five People You Meet in Heaven
41. The Sound and the Fury (Faulkner) - another I started and put down. Stream of consciousness drives me crazy.
42. Northanger Abbey (Austen)
43. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (Doyle)
44. Kidnapped (Stevenson)
45. The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood (Pyle)
46. Flowers for Algernon (Keyes)
47. The Time Machine (Wells)
48. The War of the Worlds (Wells)
49. The Art of War (Sunzi)
50. Leaves of Grass (Whitman)
51. The Turn of the Screw (James)
52. The Hunger Games (Collins)
53. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Hugo)
54. The House of the Spirits (Allende)
55. Fahrenheit 451 (Bradbury)
56. David Copperfield (Dickens)
57. Zorro (Allende)
58. Ask Jeeves (Wodehouse)
59. Three Men and a Maid (Wodehouse)
60. The Kingkiller Chronicles (the third book is not yet released, I've read the first two)
61. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (Kesey)
As you can see, the goal was to be as varied as possible - in writing style, era, topics, cultures, and viewpoints. These are all books I had never read. They made the list because (a) it sounded interesting and I wanted to read it; (b) it was recommended to me; (c) it is a classic and I wanted to be able to say I've read it :P (also, because classics are often referenced and I like understanding those references); or (d) it was free on the kindle.
When I got pregnant, I assumed that I probably wouldn't finish my list. I was okay with that. But I didn't anticipate the time I would have during feedings, and reading is far better than browsing youtube.
60 books. Three years. I've finished (or put down) 27 of them, which leaves me with 33 remaining. Some of them I know I'll love. Others are complete wild cards - I may hate them, love them, or not make it past the first chapter. With literally thousands of books in the world, I don't like to waste time on bad ones.
What I need from you are suggestions for a few more. I would like to reach 75 books total, which I think is reasonable (I worked full-time through most of Josh's first year, and not all the books I read were on this list. So 24 each year should be very doable).
Please, any favorites? Must-reads? Little-known discoveries?
Most advice you read on breastfeeding seem to create two categories: women who prize breastfeeding as an almost spiritual experience and give their full and undivided attention at every feed, and women who view it as strictly business and can't wait for the day they wean.
The first is a little melodramatic and unrealistic, and the second is a little sad. I love the time I feed my baby, and I try to give Kekoa my full and undivided attention for a few feeds each day so that he will love it too. BUT every mom needs "me" time too, even if it means free time where I'm pinned down with a baby on my lap.
So I started reading. The Kindle only requires one hand to turn pages, so it's easy to manage without fumbling around. And I'm moving through books a lot faster than I expected!
When Josh started school, I made myself a list of books to read by the time he graduated. Below (italics are the ones I finished during his first year):
1. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (Baum)
2. The Deerslayer (Cooper)
3. The Hunt for Red October (Clancy)
4. A Rose for Emily (Faulkner)
5. The Man Who Knew Too Much (Chesterton)
6. The Face (Koontz)
7. Atlas Shrugged (Rand)
8. Love in the Ruins (Percy)
9. Of Mice and Men (Steinbeck)
10. The Greatest Man in the World (Thurber)
11. Slaughterhouse Five (Vonnegut)
12. Catcher in the Rye (Salinger)
13. For Whom the Bell Tolls (Hemingway)
14. How to Win Friends and Influence People (Carnegie)
15. Swiss Family Robinson (Wyss)
16. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (Covey)
17. Catch-22 (Heller)
18. Into the Wild (Krakauer)
19. The Divine Comedy (Dante) - I've read Inferno, but not the others
20. East of Eden (Steinbeck)
21. The Thin Red Line (Jones)
22. His Dark Materials (Pullman)
23. Tess of the D'Ubervilles (Hardy)
24. Rebecca (Du Maurier)
25. The Time Traveller's Wife (Niffeneggar)
27. The Wind in the Willows (Grahame)
28. Emma (Austen)
29. Persuasion (Austen)
30. The Kite Runner (Hosseini)
31. Memoirs of a Geisha (Golden)
32. Winnie the Pooh (Milne)
33. One Hundred Years of Solitude (Marquez)
34. Life of Pi (Martel)
35. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
36. The Lovely Bones (Sebold)
37. The Secret Garden (Burnett) - how had I never read this one???? I read the Great Illustrated Classics when I was young.
38. The Little Prince (Saint-Exupery)
39. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Dahl) - I still love the old movie the best, but reading the book helped me appreciate the new movie as well.
40. Five People You Meet in Heaven
42. Northanger Abbey (Austen)
43. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (Doyle)
44. Kidnapped (Stevenson)
45. The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood (Pyle)
46. Flowers for Algernon (Keyes)
47. The Time Machine (Wells)
48. The War of the Worlds (Wells)
49. The Art of War (Sunzi)
50. Leaves of Grass (Whitman)
51. The Turn of the Screw (James)
52. The Hunger Games (Collins)
53. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Hugo)
54. The House of the Spirits (Allende)
55. Fahrenheit 451 (Bradbury)
56. David Copperfield (Dickens)
57. Zorro (Allende)
58. Ask Jeeves (Wodehouse)
59. Three Men and a Maid (Wodehouse)
60. The Kingkiller Chronicles (the third book is not yet released, I've read the first two)
61. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (Kesey)
As you can see, the goal was to be as varied as possible - in writing style, era, topics, cultures, and viewpoints. These are all books I had never read. They made the list because (a) it sounded interesting and I wanted to read it; (b) it was recommended to me; (c) it is a classic and I wanted to be able to say I've read it :P (also, because classics are often referenced and I like understanding those references); or (d) it was free on the kindle.
When I got pregnant, I assumed that I probably wouldn't finish my list. I was okay with that. But I didn't anticipate the time I would have during feedings, and reading is far better than browsing youtube.
60 books. Three years. I've finished (or put down) 27 of them, which leaves me with 33 remaining. Some of them I know I'll love. Others are complete wild cards - I may hate them, love them, or not make it past the first chapter. With literally thousands of books in the world, I don't like to waste time on bad ones.
What I need from you are suggestions for a few more. I would like to reach 75 books total, which I think is reasonable (I worked full-time through most of Josh's first year, and not all the books I read were on this list. So 24 each year should be very doable).
Please, any favorites? Must-reads? Little-known discoveries?
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Things they don't tell you about motherhood
1) The eating like a teenage boy doesn't end - but neither does the metabolism.
In fact, if anything I have a bigger appetite now because my stomach isn't competing with a baby, placenta, and several pounds of extra fluid for storage space.
2) You can never be invisible again.
Josh noted the other day, "You know, I used to be invisible at stores and could just wander around without anyone noticing. But now I have all these ladies coming up to me all the time and asking how old he is." One old lady even told him, "Here, I'll give you my phone number and if you and your wife decide you don't want him, you can call me."
I think she was kidding...???
3) You will cry.
Probably sometime between 11:00pm and 2:00am when your darling bundle won't go back to sleep. Or possibly between 11:00am and 2:00pm when Mr. Fussbudget seems bent on not napping and all you want is lunch. But one thing is for sure: it's probably related to sleep (or lack thereof).
4) You will suddenly become the lightest sleeper known to man.
I've been known to sleep through fire alarms. But one tiny baby cry and I'm jolted into consciousness.
5) You will do anything to see that precious baby smile.
I love to put very reserved people in a room with a baby and watch them act like fools to get a baby to smile. Then multiply that by ten for your own child. I tried really, really hard to get a picture of the smile, but every time the camera showed up, curiosity reigned and that big toothless grin turned into a quizzical look. But he's cute anyway:
6) If people offer, ask for meals 3-6 weeks after baby comes.
Just as the help starts tapering off and your husband goes back to work, the adrenaline disappears, the sleep deprivation accumulates, and people start expecting you to show up to social events again. A lovely woman from our church randomly sent us a meal yesterday. That day, the toilet overflowed (leaving an inch of water on our bathroom floor), the shower curtain took a tumble, and the reflux monster reared its ugly head. Throw in a hefty dose of no sleep, and that woman looked like an angel to me.
7) You will wonder, in alternating waves, whether your child is extraordinarily gifted or whether there is something wrong with him.
Josh is convinced of the first because the baby knows how to rock his own rocking chair by kicking his legs. I'm pretty sure the second isn't true, but at 2am, just about any explanation for why you're awake seems plausible.
8) Poop becomes a completely natural part of your conversations with your spouse.
Color, frequency, amount ("he had a three-squirter today"). Gross, but true. There's a reason they tell new mothers to stay in the house for the first few week -- it's because they completely forget how to have a socially-acceptable conversation.
9) You will still have time to yourself - but expect interruptions.
true, my expectations are low. But I still have time to write blog posts, clean the house, and drool over online recipes. I just never know when that time will be cut short, so I have to think twice before getting involved in big projects.
10) Frustration is what you make of it.
You can either be completely frustrated or not even fazed when the baby doesn't take his nap. A lot of it depends on what your expectations are. The sling helps a lot on turning those napless mornings into great bonding moments.
In fact, if anything I have a bigger appetite now because my stomach isn't competing with a baby, placenta, and several pounds of extra fluid for storage space.
2) You can never be invisible again.
Josh noted the other day, "You know, I used to be invisible at stores and could just wander around without anyone noticing. But now I have all these ladies coming up to me all the time and asking how old he is." One old lady even told him, "Here, I'll give you my phone number and if you and your wife decide you don't want him, you can call me."
I think she was kidding...???
3) You will cry.
Probably sometime between 11:00pm and 2:00am when your darling bundle won't go back to sleep. Or possibly between 11:00am and 2:00pm when Mr. Fussbudget seems bent on not napping and all you want is lunch. But one thing is for sure: it's probably related to sleep (or lack thereof).
4) You will suddenly become the lightest sleeper known to man.
I've been known to sleep through fire alarms. But one tiny baby cry and I'm jolted into consciousness.
5) You will do anything to see that precious baby smile.
I love to put very reserved people in a room with a baby and watch them act like fools to get a baby to smile. Then multiply that by ten for your own child. I tried really, really hard to get a picture of the smile, but every time the camera showed up, curiosity reigned and that big toothless grin turned into a quizzical look. But he's cute anyway:
6) If people offer, ask for meals 3-6 weeks after baby comes.
Just as the help starts tapering off and your husband goes back to work, the adrenaline disappears, the sleep deprivation accumulates, and people start expecting you to show up to social events again. A lovely woman from our church randomly sent us a meal yesterday. That day, the toilet overflowed (leaving an inch of water on our bathroom floor), the shower curtain took a tumble, and the reflux monster reared its ugly head. Throw in a hefty dose of no sleep, and that woman looked like an angel to me.
7) You will wonder, in alternating waves, whether your child is extraordinarily gifted or whether there is something wrong with him.
Josh is convinced of the first because the baby knows how to rock his own rocking chair by kicking his legs. I'm pretty sure the second isn't true, but at 2am, just about any explanation for why you're awake seems plausible.
8) Poop becomes a completely natural part of your conversations with your spouse.
Color, frequency, amount ("he had a three-squirter today"). Gross, but true. There's a reason they tell new mothers to stay in the house for the first few week -- it's because they completely forget how to have a socially-acceptable conversation.
9) You will still have time to yourself - but expect interruptions.
true, my expectations are low. But I still have time to write blog posts, clean the house, and drool over online recipes. I just never know when that time will be cut short, so I have to think twice before getting involved in big projects.
10) Frustration is what you make of it.
You can either be completely frustrated or not even fazed when the baby doesn't take his nap. A lot of it depends on what your expectations are. The sling helps a lot on turning those napless mornings into great bonding moments.
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