The Luxury of "Sorta"

I found my new favorite blog to follow this week while doing a little research.  It really resonated with me, so I went to the "About" section to read about the author.  I don't agree with all her positions - but that's kinda the point.

And it reminded me of something that really hit me hard after Kekoa was born: the luxury my generation has to be "sorta".

It started during a conversation with one of my midwives, halfway through the pregnancy.  She asked me if I had a particular birthing philosophy that I was going to use.  I told her that I had seen a few Bradley births and I was interested in trying it out.  "Okay," she said.

Her eyes, however, hesitated.  I noticed.  And asked if she had any suggestions for a better birth experience.

"Well, Bradley can be a very effective method.  If you want a natural childbirth, there are a lot of good tips and techniques.

But...sometimes the Bradley philosophy is mistrustful of doctors.  I want you to trust me while I'm birthing your baby.  If you feel like I or the nurses are working against you, then it's going to be more stressful for you.

Also, Bradley's original philosophy is based on medical practices from several decades ago.   I'm completely behind natural childbirth, but if an emergency came up, I wouldn't want you stressing about the medical implications.  Things have changed a lot."

And to be honest, that kind of was along the lines of what I was thinking anyway.  I read Dr. Bradley's book (Husband-Coached Childbirth), and I didn't agree with a lot of his premises (for one thing, he uses "animals do it" as an argument far too many times.  Yes, and animals also pick bugs off each other and eat them!).  So while I was fine with using the technique, I wasn't sure I liked his reasons.

So...I had a sorta Bradley birth.  And I'm glad I did, because some of it was helpful.  But a strictly Bradley approach wouldn't have worked with my labor.  For one thing, I completely skipped the "serious" emotional signpost, but left for the hospital anyway (whew!  So glad we did!).  For another, coaching was only helpful to me in the car.  The rest of the time, I was relaxed. Someone trying to help me through contractions only reminded me that contractions are supposed to be painful - and therefore, they were.

If I hadn't been "sorta" behind Bradley, I would have felt guilty for not doing it "right".  Even now, sometimes I do feel guilty that I didn't need Josh more.

As I was processing the birth, this really got me thinking.  My parents' generation didn't have the luxury of taking a "sorta" approach.  Medically, you couldn't birth naturally unless you were really committed to it and ready to fight for it.

I didn't have to fight.

Homeschooling was the same way.  My parents were in the pioneering generation - you were either completely behind the philosophy or you weren't.  There wasn't the option for outside classes, etc.  They had to figure things out for themselves.

I get to chew the meat of their experiences, and spit out the bones.

And the list goes on and on.  I am "sorta" into attachment parenting, and I "sorta" use baby whisperer techniques.  Like Megan on the blog, I'm "sorta" into natural living and DIY solutions.

My generation has this luxury.  We can take advantage of the trail-blazing by our parents, and the advantage of technological and medical improvements, and get the best of both worlds.

We have the luxury of resisting the mainstream without being rebels, of making different lifestyle choices without being labeled as complete wackos.

What an awesome privilege, right?  I don't need to feel guilty because I don't agree 100% with a particular philosophy.  I can wear a sling AND have a routine.  I can homeschool AND take advantage of other classes.  I can use cloth diapers AND disposables when convenient.  I can eat healthily AND enjoy a hot dog every now and then.  No guilt.  No fear.

Thanks to "wacko" pioneers like my homeschooling parents, life is no longer either/or.

That's is not an excuse to be complacent, or to lack in passion and convictions - but it is a blessing.  It means that we can get away from the extremism that so often builds up walls - but without compromising our beliefs.

What a luxury that is indeed.  :)