28 Weeks

Bad news: our camera broke.  We took it with us when we went to visit our brand-new niece and nephew (!!!), but when we pulled it out, it wasn't working.  We had brand-new batteries with us, but thought they were defective.  But we bought new batteries this week, and they don't work either.  And the camera lens isn't working.  :(

We will definitely be getting a new camera by May, before Kekoa comes.  But in the meantime, I didn't want to *not* document the third trimester, so we experimented with our webcam last night.  Which led to this:

 
And many, many other videos and random snapshots.

Oh, and this:

Unfortunately, the webcam can't get my head in the shot too...but oh well.  You'll just have to trust that it's me.

Some other random Kekoa facts:

-the average baby is around 2 pounds (think the size of a Chinese cabbage) at this point.  Up to this point, most of the focus has been on development, but by now most of his major body functions are working and he's putting on fat to protect his organs.  His brain and lungs still have a way to go, though.

-his eyes are open and he can now blink.

-at 28 weeks, he'll be considered full-term in just 9 weeks and is due in 12 weeks.

-with his ravenous appetite, he has single-handedly managed to increase Mom's likelihood of making impulse buys at the grocery store by 6.5%  However, he has increased Dad's likelihood of making impulse buys at the grocery store by 19.6%.  He has also decreased the statistical likelihood of leftovers to close to 0%.

-Daddy enjoys feeling him kick, but he tends to behave much more when Dad's around (unless Dad has cold hands).

And that's the start of the third trimester!

Pace Thyself

Pacing myself has never been my strong suit.  When I could roll over, I wanted to crawl.   When I could crawl, I wanted to walk.  When I could walk, I wanted to read.  When I could read, I wanted to rule the world.

Just kidding about that last one.  I never wanted to rule the world (at least not publicly)...too stressful.

The point is I’ve never been good at setting a steady pace.  Even when I was little, my approach to saving money for a particular goal was “oh, I don’t need to buy clothes for another couple years…that can wait.”  (come to think of it…I’m still that way.  I credit my mom and SILs for keeping me clothed somewhat respectably, especially during maternity :P ).  I’d pinch every penny I could trying to madly rush to my goal.  And then when that wasn't enough, I'd buy 10 cent popsicles at Costco and sell them to my brothers for a buck whenever they'd hear the ice cream truck (hey, in their minds it was a bargain!).

  

And that’s how I came to be two years out of college, married, and with a baby on the way at the ripe old age of 22.  Josh isn’t any better...he crammed four years of college into three to graduate the same year I did.

This pregnancy has been a major reality check for me.  You can take 10 college credits in one summer, or squeeze the life out of every penny so you can take horseback riding lessons, or do a couple extra lessons in your English curriculum so you get more time to play later on.

But there’s not much you can do to hurry along a nine-month pregnancy (and it's not that I really want to…although Kekoa, if you’re listening, you should know that you’re technically considered full-term at 37 weeks.  Just something to keep in mind).

Nope, we’re in this for the long haul.  Literally.

And I find myself, here in the waiting period, jumping ahead to the next stage.  Buy a house.  Get a car with fewer miles on it so my parents can stop worrying about Josh’s uber-long commute.  Get Josh through school and our new place needs at least three bedrooms so we have room for the next kids and…..

*deep breath*

I have to remember that I am 22.  Most of my peers are finishing up their senior year of college.  And while we’re emotionally ready enough to make those big decisions for our family, Josh does not need that extra stress as he finishes up his semester.  Isn’t being a student, full-time professional, and soon-to-be daddy enough? 

I don’t have a sewing machine.  On my days off, I’ve been cutting up old t-shirts and pajamas and Snuggies and whatever random scraps of fabric I can find and making re-usable wipes, nursing pads, little hats and mittens.  It would be a million times faster to use a sewing machine, and probably more durable.

But I’ve found that the hand-stitching is perfect for me right now.  I take an hour in the afternoon – usually around the time my mom calls – and put my feet up and stitch away.  I can keep my hands busy, which relieves that restless energy that apparently was pent up inside me at birth.  That urge to go, go, go.  I can stay away from number-crunching spreadsheets and parenting advice on the computer and just be still.

I sometimes feel lazy.  At work I’m Miss Efficiency, and hand-stitching baby wipes would NOT pass the “capable co-worker” test.  But I have to remind myself to rest, to enjoy the moment, to let the time move more slowly.  To talk to my baby and feel him kick, and to remember that there's plenty of time to accomplish those other goals.

But these moments, just baby and me...those are the moments I will never have again.

The Feminist Homemaker

The homeschool generation has a very interesting dichotomy when it comes to feminism.  Half of my class has been raised in the idea that being a stay-at-home and homeschool mom is the only option.  If you choose to work instead, then you might as well be sacrificing your children.

Then there's the half that grew disillusioned with homeschooling and are rather embittered by the thou-shalt-homeschool attitude.  Like most "ordinary" people, they plan on having 2-3 children after waiting 4-5 years while they enjoy their lives as young married couples and get their fill of the career world.  Then they may or may not homeschool - that's a decision they will make depending on how their careers are going.

I was talking to an old college friend last month and I got the distinct impression that she viewed my decision to quit my job with a "yep, you've been brainwashed" attitude.

Neither side of the coin really seems to be interested in the choice.  Even the more "feminist" among them don't really care about what I *want* to do - they just assume my choice is due to family and social pressures.

I like my job.  And I'm really good at it.  In the past year I've made huge improvements to our office and I know that I could go far in the job world.  I have the highest recommendations.  For only having been in the working world for two years, I have a wide variety of experiences and knowledge and I am confident that I could learn other skills very quickly.

But you know what?  Being part-time has shown me that I really prefer the homemaking.  I love planning out our budget and pinching pennies so that we can pay off student loans as quickly as possible.  I love talking over our long-term spiritual, financial, and family goals with Josh, and coming up with ways to meet those goals.  I love planning for baby on a budget, cutting up old t-shirts and using them to sew re-usable wipes and little hats and mittens.   I like freezing big meal batches for later and packing Josh's lunch and stocking my pantry and having a sparkling bath tub.  I like going grocery shopping and surprising Josh with cinnamon rolls when he comes home after a long night in class.

At work, I do a lot of the same things.  I work within a budget and pay bills and play with numbers and look for ways to save money within the office.  I go shopping for office supplies and plan office parties once in a while and get resourceful with things we bought years ago and never used.  I make sure the office stays clean so that  our volunteers are comfortable.  And I enjoy it.  It's for a good cause.

But it's not for the people I love most.  Same type of work, but the pride I feel in having a clean desk space is not the same pride as when Josh is greeted with the smell of his favorite meal when he gets home.

I despise mopping and dusting.  I don't mind doing dishes, but someday I would really like a dishwasher.  And I know especially when baby comes there will be frustrating days, sleepless days, days when I feel trapped.

I have those days at work, too.

At work I can't cuddle with the two loves of my life to make it better.

So call me a feminist, because I made a decision based on what makes me feel best.  That just happens to be staying at home.  Or call me a victim of brainwashing, whichever you prefer.  Then I am quite happy being ignorant and "wasting" my talents to benefit my family.  Rather than earning an income, I can manage my home well.  I think that for our family, the financial benefits are actually better long-term.

If staying at home is a decision that would make you feel trapped, then by all means, you don't have to stay home.  You will only make your family unhappy.  But don't stay in the work force if you don't love it, just because you feel like it's the only way to maximize your potential.   I don't think the empowerment of women was supposed to mean grand careers.  It was meant to provide women with an option.

And I've chosen mine.

It's for Real!

24 Weeks