The homeschool generation has a very interesting dichotomy when it comes to feminism. Half of my class has been raised in the idea that being a stay-at-home and homeschool mom is the only option. If you choose to work instead, then you might as well be sacrificing your children.
Then there's the half that grew disillusioned with homeschooling and are rather embittered by the thou-shalt-homeschool attitude. Like most "ordinary" people, they plan on having 2-3 children after waiting 4-5 years while they enjoy their lives as young married couples and get their fill of the career world. Then they may or may not homeschool - that's a decision they will make depending on how their careers are going.
I was talking to an old college friend last month and I got the distinct impression that she viewed my decision to quit my job with a "yep, you've been brainwashed" attitude.
Neither side of the coin really seems to be interested in the choice. Even the more "feminist" among them don't really care about what I *want* to do - they just assume my choice is due to family and social pressures.
I like my job. And I'm really good at it. In the past year I've made huge improvements to our office and I know that I could go far in the job world. I have the highest recommendations. For only having been in the working world for two years, I have a wide variety of experiences and knowledge and I am confident that I could learn other skills very quickly.
But you know what? Being part-time has shown me that I really prefer the homemaking. I love planning out our budget and pinching pennies so that we can pay off student loans as quickly as possible. I love talking over our long-term spiritual, financial, and family goals with Josh, and coming up with ways to meet those goals. I love planning for baby on a budget, cutting up old t-shirts and using them to sew re-usable wipes and little hats and mittens. I like freezing big meal batches for later and packing Josh's lunch and stocking my pantry and having a sparkling bath tub. I like going grocery shopping and surprising Josh with cinnamon rolls when he comes home after a long night in class.
At work, I do a lot of the same things. I work within a budget and pay bills and play with numbers and look for ways to save money within the office. I go shopping for office supplies and plan office parties once in a while and get resourceful with things we bought years ago and never used. I make sure the office stays clean so that our volunteers are comfortable. And I enjoy it. It's for a good cause.
But it's not for the people I love most. Same type of work, but the pride I feel in having a clean desk space is not the same pride as when Josh is greeted with the smell of his favorite meal when he gets home.
I despise mopping and dusting. I don't mind doing dishes, but someday I would really like a dishwasher. And I know especially when baby comes there will be frustrating days, sleepless days, days when I feel trapped.
I have those days at work, too.
At work I can't cuddle with the two loves of my life to make it better.
So call me a feminist, because I made a decision based on what makes me feel best. That just happens to be staying at home. Or call me a victim of brainwashing, whichever you prefer. Then I am quite happy being ignorant and "wasting" my talents to benefit my family. Rather than earning an income, I can manage my home well. I think that for our family, the financial benefits are actually better long-term.
If staying at home is a decision that would make you feel trapped, then by all means, you don't have to stay home. You will only make your family unhappy. But don't stay in the work force if you don't love it, just because you feel like it's the only way to maximize your potential. I don't think the empowerment of women was supposed to mean grand careers. It was meant to provide women with an option.
And I've chosen mine.
Of all the people in the world, I'm most grateful that Kanani chose to become the home-maker that she is. I love you, Dearest. :)
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. I worked for 12 years before the Lord blessed us with our baby. My last job was CFO of a publicly-traded medical diagnostic test manufacturer. I tried to continue working full-time but felt like I was just missing out on too much, and my family was stretched too thin. I cut back to part time at a much less stressful job (and was able to do some of it at home) but when homeschooling got more intense, even that job became more of a distraction from the really important work to be done, so at the urging of my very wise husband, I cut out working all together. I was completely unprepared for the absolute shunning I received from my "friends" who had for years espoused a belief that a woman had the right to choose her course -- apparently as long as her choice mirrored their own. I was blessed, however, to find other amazing, intelligent women who had made the same choice I had, who mentored me and loved me through the wildest roller-coaster ride of our lives. (Gee, I wonder who one of the main ones was?) Now my baby is grown and I am reentering the work force. The Lord has blessed me with a great position doing what He has equipped me to do. I regret not a moment of my choice to put my family first. The solid relationships built among us and with the Lord over the last 20 years are so much more valuable than any paycheck or "self esteem" I would have received from a job. Stick to your guns. Do the one job that no other woman on Earth can do. Be a mom to your kids.
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