An Introvert Confronts Weakness

Here's something you probably know about me: I am an introvert. 

(If you don't know this about me, hi, have we met?  Because I'm guessing we haven't).

I am not an introvert who feels the need to pretend to be an extrovert.  I am quite at peace with my introverted-ness, thankyouverymuch.  I am proud of the strengths of my personality.

But oh, the weaknesses.

Contrary to popular extroverted belief, introverts don't hate people.  But they are more highly reactive to their environments. They process events differently.  Some say that introverts process stimuli more deeply ("a rich inner life," they say), and that accounts for the greater energy expense.  I am not so smug as to make that assertion.

Extroverts tend to recharge through social interaction.  Introverts tend to recharge through alone time.  So while I may enjoy myself at a party as much as the next person, it depletes my emotional resources.  I don't mind so much.  I'm pretty careful not to overbook myself, because it's best for all concerned - trust me (better yet, ask my husband).

But God's been convicting me of something lately, related to my introvertedness.

You know those spiritual gift tests?  My spiritual gifts correlate pretty strongly with my personality.  And down there at the bottom, every time, is this little thing called hospitality.

Yeah, hospitality.  I'm pretty bad at it.  You know that moment in most churches where they tell you to greet those around you?  HATE. IT.  It makes me squirm.  It makes me stutter.  It makes my heart pound and palms sweat like most people fear heights or snakes.  Because in my head, I hear: "Hey everyone!  Go shake the hand of that stranger!  You won't have enough time to say anything important, just chit-chat for a while! Oh, and if you don't do it, you're gonna look like a Scrooge."

Ugh. Ick. Ack. Blech. *shudder*

(On a side note, our home church doesn't do that.  I wonder how much of my initial attraction when we were church-hunting was subconsciously influenced by the lack of squirmy awkwardness of an obliged greeting?)

But here's the thing: hospitality is still a command.  For introverted, non-small-talking, socially awkward me.

(Disclaimer: in the below paragraphs, I'm not blaming my mom at all.  She's practicing her gifts, and that's awesome.)

My mom is a ten-talent hospitality personality.  Open up her home?  Sure, no problem.  With decaf, half-caf, hot cocoa, and ten different kinds of tea.  Growing up, we had baby showers, wedding showers, craft parties, cast parties, swimming parties, holiday meals...even two wedding receptions in our backyard.  You name it, my mom hosted it. 

I am the man in the parable with one talent.  BUT.  It's my responsibility to refuse to bury it.  I have to use it, and trust that even though my "interest rate" makes drying paint look like it's on fast-forward, God will use it.

I've been trying to do better about having people over.  About greeting the lady in the church lobby.  About initiating relationships.  About maintaining them.  And guys, it's so hard.

My lessons started small: letting go of the perfectionism that wants my one-talent hospitality to somehow look and feel like my mom's ten-talent.  Wanting to invite everyone over.  Wanting to let people stay as late as they want.  Wanting to be able to revive a lagging conversation with a joke or sheer energy.

But I am not called to this.  I am an introvert.  I *have* to keep a light schedule,or else I begin to snap at my family.  I *have* to at some point go to bed, because I am not a nice person otherwise.   I *have* to share what we have, and not try to overstretch myself with exotic menus. I *have* to focus my relationship-building on small groups of people because otherwise I get overwhelmed and my family suffers.

 I have to allow for my weaknesses, even as I confront them.  To ignore my weaknesses would be to take an alcoholic to an open bar and expect him to stay sober.

So....moral of the story is: I'm an introvert.  But that does not excuse me from obedience to commands.  I have to trust that should God require me to serve Him through a late-night, exotic dinner party, then He will provide the grace and resources necessary to do so.

But in the meantime, I need to develop my one talent in accordance with my personality and ability.  I may not be called to host weekly get-togethers, but I am called, always, to love those around me with an open heart. 

What's your one talent?

Too Much Good Stuff

Lately I keep reading articles online, and thinking "Man, this is so good.  I have to remember this one."  And I have to share them too.  So here's a list of my favorites this month - seriously, give some of them a read.

1)  I once did a post on why the approach to purity taken with teen girls today just doesn't work.  This is probably the best article I've seen that sums it up: telling girls to be pure for their future husbands does them a serious disservice.

  "Christ is the source of everything we need and the giver of all good gifts … but in telling people about Him, it’s possible we’ve sold them on a solution for life’s problems and not life itself."

2)  From my political theory professor at PHC, the rhetoric of a culture "war" has done more harm than good.  So how do we change the culture?

"One solution looks primarily to the political arena for redress; the other, like the Good Samaritan, takes the wounded traveler and cares for him. Do you want to change the culture? Practice hospitality."


3)  Homeschoolers in particular really tout the family as their central values.  But should it be the center?  As a brand-new SAHM, this article is really challenging.   h/t my pastor for sharing it.

"But I found myself, while he described the feelings of idolatry---the sense that this is my whole life, this is what I live for, this is what I dream of, this is what completes me and gives me significance---thinking that, for me, this is family."

4)  Also shared by my pastor, this article addresses the issue of parenting with grace that I referenced earlier on my blog.

I begin by saying, "Remember how Jesus said we were to treat one another?"

"I'm not Jesus!" my oldest responds immediately, his face scrunched up as his feet stomp the tile floor.

5)  As I rediscover the love of reading, this article is a real challenge.  Both homeschoolers who overshelter their children and those who are eager to read all different viewpoints can take heed of this one.  We are not to isolate ourselves culturally...but we also aren't to confuse "engaging" the culture with unqualified enjoyment of the culture.

"Second, we've gone off the rails in confusing cultural engagement with consumerism and entertainment"

6)  Finally, remember my friend who I quoted on gourmet meals?  She posted this link, which is hands-down my favorite post EVER.  I swear they just changed the name of one of my facebook friends, who practically makes these posts verbatim.

"People continue to check Molly’s posts out of morbid curiosity.
“It’s an exercise in ‘How is my life inferior today?’” says one. “If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.”

All Members of One Body...

We had our meeting with our elders last night for membership. At least, we thought it was going to be elders, with a pastor.  But when they knocked on the door, it was both our pastors and one of our elders.

We small-talked for a while ("Yep, looks like a newlywed apartment...man, when we were newlyweds I bought this dresser..."), ate cookies, and settled down into our seats.  And then the questions started.

"Tell us your testimony"

"Describe to me the work and person of Jesus."

"Do you have a favorite Scripture passage?"

"How do you envision yourself using your spiritual gifts for the Body of Christ?"

And then, the Book of Church Order came out and they asked us those five little questions that determined whether we would join the local church.

It was a precious time to me.  I had trouble finding a church in college.  I didn't have a car, so I hopped in whatever car was available, or a church van sent to pick up stranded students.  More often than not, I ended up arriving in a herd of students and then rushing to greet people so I wouldn't miss the van.  I attended three different churches while I was there, for at least 4 months at each one.  And in all those churches, there was only one at which I ever met the pastor (twice actually...but he didn't remember my name).  No one ever asked my testimony.  For all they knew, I didn't even believe in God.

Our first week at our current church was a surprise.  Not only did both pastors greet us (we didn't even realize they were the pastors at the time!), but they both immediately offered to gather people to help us move in.  Within a month, two different elders had invited us over to lunch to get to know us.  And now, both of our pastors know our stories, know our spiritual gifts, know our struggles, know our talents, know our jobs, know our needs.   We aren't members because they signed the paperwork. We are members because we are known.  To make a rough analogy, you can pay your dues to be in a club - but to really belong as a member, you've got to be a part of the club.

We belong here..

And then today at lunch we mentioned to a couple co-workers that we had a meeting for membership.  I was shocked at how quickly membership was bashed as "bureaucratic" and "unnecessary."

No -- a bureaucracy is paperwork and needless red tape.  It is not human.  And anyone who was in our home last night knows that the three men gently asking us questions and getting to know us are not a bureaucracy.  They have simply made the process of joining a church one in which you can't sit by the sidelines, isolated and alone.

There is a difference between order and bureaucracy.  I am comforted more and more as I watch our church in action.  They are prepared to handle challenges.  They are prepared to stand up against sin.  They've done it, and the church has not fallen apart or crumbled in shock.  Even more, they've been able to comfort each other because they know each other.


I am a member of the universal Body of Christ.  What does that mean?  That we share beliefs, that we have a common heritage.  But that means nothing if I am not accountable.

I am a member of the local Body of Christ.  I am accountable to them, I have submitted to them, and I am responsible to contribute to them. We share beliefs.  We have a common heritage.  But even better - there is a system set in place that helps us remember that.

Let all things be done decently and in order.