It seems to me that the evangelical church overemphasizes some reasons for purity in teenagers. The main argument being made is that if you do not save yourself for marriage, then someday you are going to get married and be ashamed. That the reason for purity is so that you can be wholly your husband's (or wife's), and not have any past lovers to compare/be compared to in bed.
No wonder so many evangelical teens are hopping into bed! If this is their reason for remaining a virgin, then why stay pure when you meet the person you're sure you are going marry? Even more, what about once you're engaged? You have a promise already -- so if you're only saving yourself for your future spouse's sake, what's the harm? Why should the night before the wedding be different from the night of the wedding? The promise has already been made and waits only for formalization before witnesses.
No indeed, to be surprised at immorality among Christian couples, we would have to be hopelessly naive. We have offered teens a self-centered reason to stay pure, without any deeper explanation. If they remain virgins, we promise them only the ability to avoid guilt. We ask them to mortify their bodies for the sake of...what? Future pleasure? If that's the reason, and they can avoid the guilt, why shouldn't they have pleasure now? And then we throw a cherry on top and tell them that God says so, because He wants to protect them from shame.
Yes, God says so. But it's not all about us (that's just an added side benefit). God yearns jealously for us and wants us to sanctify our bodies for His service (Romans 12:1-2). He wants the virgin to be wholly occupied with pleasing God, not a man who she thinks will be her husband. If we want Christian teens to be significantly different from their peers in the area of sexual activity, then we need to stop giving poor explanation and get down to the root of the issue.
God wants the unmarried to remain pure because their focus needs to be on God (I Corinthians 7). The point is NOT the number of girlfriends that a guy will be shamefully remembering on his wedding day (an argument which, by the way, leads to a huge error in the courtship camp). The point is that purity is from God. He still loves the harlot (as in Hosea), but He longs for His bride to be characterized by chastity. He longs for those whom He has called to be single, and who are single for a short while longer, to be devoted to Him as Paul was.
Our kids coming through the churches today need to understand that sexual purity is not something that is good because it will save them from hurt. They need to understand that sexual purity is good because God has decreed it to be so, for His service, and that they will be hurt by fornication BECAUSE it is bad.
A convincing argument? No, for an unbeliever. But it is the only true justification for sexual purity. Without God's jealousy for us, there is no reason for a teen or fiancee to remain pure.
And as for what makes the night before the wedding different from the wedding night? Vows are taken before God, and it is He who joins together. Up until that time, when man and woman become one not through their own strength but through a divine calling, "the Lord is your husband."
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