Happy Un-birthday to Me!

I had to laugh when a childhood memory popped into my head one day.

Baby Philip was just that, a baby.  We were at our homeschool group, and one of my mom's friends asked how old he was now.  Mom replied, "Five weeks."

The VERY NEXT DAY, we were at Costco.  A lady came up and asked my mom, "Awww, how old is he?"  And my mom answered, "Six weeks."

I was insanely jealous and outraged over the injustice.  *I* only got birthdays once a year.  And when I tried to sneak in an extra one by proclaiming that I was, in fact, five and a half, the adults would just chuckle at me.  But it seemed like baby Philip got a birthday practically every. single. day.  Next he would be two months, then ten weeks, then three months...and I was stuck being five for an entire year.

And people gave him things too!  Blankets and clothes and stuffed animals and toys.

It just wasn't fair.

The third trimester of pregnancy is kind of like being a baby again.  Before that, you have a few pregnancy milestones: end of first trimester at 14 weeks, the 20-week (halfway!) mark, the 24-week viability point.

But once you hit the third trimester, it's like having a birthday every single week.
28 weeks: baby has a 90% chance of surviving if born now without other complications.
30 weeks: the WOOHOO LESS THAN TEN WEEKS NOW! point
34 weeks: baby is considered "late" pre-term if born now (i.e., probably not a long stay in the NICU)
35 weeks: eight months down, one to go!
36 weeks: doctors stop talking about pre-term labor signs and start talking about the real thing
37 weeks: full-term!
38 weeks: less than two weeks
39 weeks:  HE COULD COME ANY DAY
40 weeks: officially due (a.k.a. I'm going to lose my mind if this baby doesn't come soon)

And then of course there are the other milestones: the "we're in the month of my baby's due date," the "baby has turned head-down/dropped" realization, the various signs that your body is not just growing a baby anymore, but preparing for labor (aching hips, anyone?).  Literally, every week is like a birthday.   Except so much better, because instead of you getting older, it's your baby getting closer.

Have I mentioned I really love the third trimester?

Of course, only other women who are/have been pregnant really know or care about the difference between 35 and 36 weeks.  That doesn't change the fact that when someone asks me how far along I am now, in my mind I'm like that five-year-old, standing up just a little bit straighter and saying, "I'm five... and a half."

Because everyone needs a few more reasons to party every week.  :)

36 Weeks (i.e., no more pre-term labor concerns!)

Happy Mother's Day!

First things first: happy mother's day to my amazing Mom!  Thanks for the huge support you've been over the last year, all the advice, and the adorable outfits for both Kekoa and me that have kept us clothed over the last few months (and will continue to keep him clothed for the months to come).

And a quick update on your grandbaby:  an ultrasound on Thursday showed that Kekoa is head-down (way to go, son!) and growing normally.  He's an estimated 5ish pounds, which is right on target.  He won't be a huge baby, but that's hardly a surprise.

34 Weeks

It's hard to believe that my baby is coming next month.  I know everyone says the second trimester is the best, but I've been enjoying the third trimester far more than the other two.  Definitely cramped on space in the abdominal region, and not a fan of getting out of bed in the mornings, but on the whole I'm far more comfortable now. Other than joint achiness and the frequent jabs to the stomach and lungs, so far I seem to have escaped most other late-pregnancy complaints as long as I stay hydrated and get my exercise. 

Plus, there's the added benefit of knowing that his birth is right around the corner.  It's time to think about packing the hospital bag and installing the carseat. I know the last few weeks are the longest, but for now there's a milestone every week to celebrate.  I love knowing that every single day brings him a day closer to a healthy birth.  In just three weeks, he'll be considered full-term.  Hard to believe - and yet so, so ready for that.  

So here's to my first Mother's Day with my baby boy - and to meeting him before Josh's first Father's Day!  :)

Kekoa's Guide to Schmoozing the Ladies

As the baby preparations abound in our house, Kekoa is busy with preparations as well.  He's listening to voices and in general getting ready for life on the outside world.  Right now he and Daddy are reading through Narnia (Mommy vetoed Lord of the Rings after Kekoa started asking questions about pipeweed), and little K has a great grasp on human anatomy ("Let's see...if I kick here, that's Mommy's lungs.  If I headbutt here, she has to go to the bathroom.  If I swivel this direction, her tummy says it's too full and she won't give me any more food...quick, turn around!")

But one of his biggest projects is out of concern for his Uncle Steve.

Uncle Steve promised to take him around to meet the girls.  Male bonding time, or something like that.  But Kekoa is severely concerned that Uncle Steve is going to embarrass himself, because Kekoa has spent time researching this subject and he's fairly certain that Uncle Steve does not know the secrets on how to schmooze the ladies.

So Uncle Steve, this is for you.  After many observations and research, Kekoa has compiled his tips for you.   Read carefully and learn them well, and you too can be a ladykiller.

"Ten Useful Tips on How to Schmooze the Ladies"

By Kekoa (with contributing research from cousins)

1)  Be mysterious.

Ladies may SAY that they want a man to communicate with them, to talk about what's bothering them.  But this is false.  You can skip the chatting for over a year, and they will STILL enjoy making conversation with you.  Still not sure?  Jibberish is an acceptable substitute for meaningful conversation, so if you ever get uncomfortable with the way the conversation is going, just blurt out some nonsense words.  Boom, instant adorable distraction.

2)  Be sensitive.

You don't have to talk to be sensitive - women love a man who cries ALL the time.  So if something's bugging you, go ahead and let it out.  Whether it's a little whimper or a full-blown wail, you can be sure the ladies will trip all over themselves trying to get to you.

3)  Don't be shy!

Women claim to think bodily functions are gross, and they might say that you should excuse yourself before doing what is perfectly natural.  But actions speak louder than words, my friend.  Women have been known to spend hours helping their man let off a burp, and then praise him highly for doing such a good job.  And you should just hear the conversations on how many times their man has gone to the bathroom that day!

4)  Fashion is optional.

There are tons of articles on the internet about how NOT to dress, but save yourself the stress and money.  Ladies love any outfit.  You can certainly melt hearts with the fashionable route, but really you can't go wrong with a simple snap-at-the-crotch one piece and a cute saying like "My Mommy is the best!"  (bonus tip: women love a momma's boy, especially one who still lives at home!).  If you're going to do prints, skip the subtle textures and go for something manly like cars, boats, airplanes, or teddy bears.  And girls LOVE footie pajamas.

Still not digging fashion?  No worries - skip the shirt, and they'll admire your rolls of flesh (see below for more details).

5)  Chunky is in, muscles are out.

Skip the hours of working out, Uncle Steve.  The chubbier your cheeks, the faster the girls will come.  And they especially love rolls of fat and double chins.   So save yourself the time and energy and devote yourself to the ultimate diet plan: eat, sleep, repeat.

6)  Go bald.

Or not bald, whatever you like.  But no need to worry about a receding hairline, or to spend hours styling your hair.  Studies show that these factors have little to no impact on women - they will still rave about how adorable your head of hair/bald dome is (one contributing researcher notes that growing hair on your ears is a sure-fire way to win women over).

7)  Stare.

You might have been taught that eye contact is important, but should not be maintained for too long.  False.  Go ahead and stare, and stare, and stare past acceptability of any social norms.  Women go ga-ga over this bonding time, and will comment on your beautiful big brown eyes.  Not creepy at all!

8)  Be adaptable.

While you can be a momma's boy, don't get too attached to any one particular favorite.  It's okay to be passed around - women are great at sharing!  And momma will love you even more if you're willing to make the rounds. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.

9)  When it comes to flirting, go old school.

They may SAY that hair-pulling is soo junior high, but it works.  Grab a fistful of your lady's hair, and don't let go.  She'll struggle to free herself, then love you forever!

10)  Be helpless.

Women love doing things for you.  They think it's adorable when you lay on the couch and depend on them for all your heart's desires.  So kick back, relax, and let her handle the rest.  Need another glass of milk?  Start squeaking and squalling.  Nose getting a little stuffy?  Let her take care of it for you.  Bottom line:  don't do anything for yourself.  It will make her feel protective and close to you.


So there you go, Uncle Steve.  This is your homework until our first meeting - I hope by then you have mastered the art of schmoozing ladies.  Take it from an expert:  I haven't even met any ladies yet and they're already buying me presents!

~Kekoa