I wrote a nice long post explaining one of my thought processes concerning courtship and decided it was far too cryptic to post.

So here's this in its stead:

I've been thinking quite a bit about courtship and what it means to be part of a community with your relationship. I would like to get some feedback before I write much on it:  what does it mean to you? From the perspective of someone not in the relationship, what role do you want in a courtship? How about from inside the relationship?

Please do comment; I ask because our community was the single most bewildering experience of our courtship.  It would be interesting to see from someone else's perspective how you would expect the community to factor into a relationship.

So, I'm pretty excited. This site lets you mix Crayola colors (thanks, Steve), and then it tells you the rgb and hexadecimal coding for it. Which means....I can use any color I want! I know, I could just use an online chart like I usually do for work, but it's more fun to mix your own.

It also means that I can get just the right shade of purple :).

Unfortunately, I'm supposed to be cleaning right now before a Christmas party tonight...but playing with colors is so much more fun. But back to cleaning... *sigh*

(back to courtship n' stuff later...)

Leadership...

Taking a break for a while...I just want to say how great our organization president is (or at least Josh's - mine's laid up with a knee surgery right now).

Not only does he buy us all pizza on HIS birthday (maybe he just wants us all to celebrate more!), but today he closed the office an hour early so we could drive home through the snow while it was still light outside.  When I walked out, he was out scraping the snow off someone's car. I thought it was his.

But then he moved onto the next car...and then he walked over to help a single gal struggling with her car.  15 minutes later, by the time I had gathered up my husband, he was still out there, without gloves and bareheaded, scraping off one car at a time.

Everyone else who came through caught the spirit. Pretty soon it was a regular party, out in the snow, scraping cars.  Now that's leadership.

I am grateful to work for an organization which, the longer I work there, the more I realize how blessed I am.

A Little Context

So to explain my understanding of courtship a little, it may help to know the background of our relationship. So this is it from the beginning to the end.

June 2006: I meet Josh and Aaron at NCFCA Nationals in Virginia.  I'm very focused on being friendly, so I introduce myself.  Josh is a little aloof, so I promptly decide that Aaron is the friendlier twin.

[just a note: Josh's Dad heard me speak at the same tournament, and there's a very neat "look-how-God-was-working" story there that comforted me quite a bit during our courtship.  Ask me sometime.  :)]

August 2006: I start Distance Learning classes, and Josh and Aaron are in my U.S. History class.  They are nerdy and VERY outgoing.  They also didn't remember meeting me at the tournament.

August 2007: We meet again the Sunday before freshmen orientation at church.  Another DL friend was there who I was VERY excited about meeting, so when the twins came over to "introduce" themselves, I kinda blew them off.  I felt bad for being so rude, but figured we probably wouldn't be that great of friends anyway....

October 2007:  The fateful debate trip.  14 hours in a van to Anderson, Indiana during which everyone fell asleep except Josh and me.  He cites this as the beginning of his interest.  I just remember singing Disney songs.  [incidentally, the artist of "our song" hails from Anderson, Indiana].

November 2007 - April 2008: Josh suddenly starts popping up at my lunch tables, in my social circles, and just about everywhere I am.  A thought starts formulating in the back of my mind that perhaps I need to be careful with this good-hearted but very extroverted guy (I definitely was NOT going to marry an extrovert).

May 2008: At Kaalo and Corrie's graduation, Josh comes over to say goodbye for the summer. Suddenly, his whole family troops over to meet me.  Awkward.  Thought in back of my mind jumps instantly to the front of my mind.

September 1, 2008: After a summer of short IMs, Josh surprises me outside of my dorm on the way to dinner and asks if he can walk me up.  My stomach sinks...and he proceeds to ask if we could have anything more than friendship.  I tell him flatly (1) I'm not interested.  At all.  and (2) I'm not allowed to be in a relationship until senior year anyway, so too bad.

I call my dad and tell him everything.  Realizing that senior year is not that far off, and I know absolutely nothing about courtship, I start asking questions about what a relationship means and how we plan to go about it.  The result of that conversation: Dad decides that perhaps the spring of my junior year is an appropriate time, but that he does not want me approaching any guy about that(i.e., if I were to start liking Josh, I couldn't tell him the deadline had moved up six months).

September 2 - December, 2008:  Pretty flat-out miserable.  Being on a campus of 300 people makes it hard to avoid people, especially people whose hearts you have broken.  And on top of it all, I was in physics that semester. With Josh.  And I told exactly 3 people (my roommates and my RA)about our conversation, so trying to keep a secret didn't help the heartache heal.

Last day of school, 2008:  Leaving for home on Christmas break, I walk out of my dorm at 4:30am with my suitcase and there is Josh to see me off.  My first reaction was glee.  My second reaction was "why in the world are you happy to see him???" On the plane ride home, I decided I might be interested, especially after a semester of watching him closely.

My computer died that Christmas break, so I had a full three weeks without any contact with him.  That was a good time for me to sort things out.

January - March 12, 2009:  Miserable. That about sums those months up as I wrestled with not being able to tell Josh that yes, I was actually interested, and yes, we could be in a relationship.  To compound the problem, I was incredibly secretive about it and told only my roommate, which meant for the most part I struggled very much alone.

March 13: That morning, I wrote in my journal that I was going to keep wrestling with God until I came to a conclusion about Josh.

That afternoon, Josh noticed that I was upset about something. In an IM, he asked if he could come over and try to cheer me up.  I asked him to give me half an hour and called my dad.

When he did come over, it was a very awkward conversation. My frustration was entirely about him, but I couldn't tell him that.  Instead, I had to wait for him to say something -- but he knew that I couldn't be in a relationship!  It was hopeless and uncomfortable...until he asked me "Um...I don't want to be forward or anything...but...am I the cause of your frustration?"

Never have I been happier to be asked a question.  Oh wait, nm...maybe last January.  ;)

We had a long walk and talk that day that cleared up a lot and ended with me giving Josh my dad's phone number and email address. But in my distraction, I accidentally gave him my mom's phone number instead...

April 23: My dad finally gives the final approval for us to be in a relationship.  The month and a half in-between was a hard, but good, experience.  The "unofficial" relationship I had so often despised in others was my own now, and what a humility lesson it was!  To be open about my feelings, hopes, dreams, but not too open...to wait, and yet still have a guy that I was in some sort of relationship with...it's a delicate balance.

We spent the summer communicating through letters and IMs.  Because of my class schedule, Josh's work schedule, and the time difference, we rarely talked in real time.  For an uncertain, brand-new relationship plagued by my insecurities about being in a relationship in general, Josh sure had a lot to put up with!  I returned from the summer not quite sure how our purposes aligned, and spent the first two weeks of school in serious prayer deciding whether or not marriage was a possibility and whether the relationship should be continued.  After watching Josh handle my confusion in a very serious, gentle, and wise way, I decided that perhaps we could work through our differences.

September 7, 2009:  Almost a year exactly after I first told him no, Josh asked me to officially court him. We held hands for the first time, and this is when Josh first told me that I loved him.  I didn't quite work up the nerve to reciprocate for a couple more days, but I broke down eventually.  :)

January 3, 2010: Less than a year ago, I visited Josh's family in Hawaii and promised to become Josh's wife.  The rest is history - at least for the courtship phase!  There was oh-so-much-more to be learned in the engagement phase, but that ended the uncertainty stage!

So that's the brief timeline, from beginning to the end of the beginning.  Hopefully that lays out a little more background of how our courtship looked.

Just One Little Moment...

Quick step backward to get a glimpse of the broad view of things. Yesterday was a long travel day.  Our first two flights back home were cancelled. We rebooked, and were told upon checking in that our flight was 10 minutes delayed.  No problem.

Then it started snowing more heavily.  Our connecting flight was in danger, so we waited in line at the desk for an hour and ten minutes to rebook our flights.  We were around number 11 in line...the lady got through about ten people in that hour.We got to the front. She asked for our tickets.  She typed in our number....and walked away and started boarding the plane. She told us to wait there...but ultimately told us that we should try to rebook on a 10:30 flight during our layover. No time for us.

*sigh*

We missed our connecting flight by two and a half hours.  All the flights to Dulles were full, and we were resigning ourselves to the possibility of renting a car and driving the eight hours up.

And then...I had to go to the bathroom straight off our flight. I didn't even wait for Josh. As I came out, I noticed that the gate next door had just finished boarding -- and they were going to our airport. I jumped in line at the desk, hoping against all reason that there would be room. Six people lined up behind me.  I called Josh over, begged them for two seats on the plane...and they let us on and shut the door behind us.  The six people in line didn't make it.  We arrived an hour earlier than we had originally planned, before the cancellations and delays.

Amazing.

But what's more amazing...

...if I hadn't been in line, we wouldn't have gotten on the flight.
...if I hadn't seen the gate, I wouldn't have gotten in line.
...if I hadn't gone to the bathroom, I wouldn't have seen the gate.
...if I hadn't needed to use the restroom, I would have waited for Josh.

And if I had waited for Josh, we would have been very likely driving through the night and stumbling into work the next morning.

It's just one little moment that makes a difference.  And you never know which one it's going to be.

I realize that my posts on courtship have been out-of-context. Not that I know if anyone actually reads this (besides mom), but they wouldn't make much sense without some context.  So I think I'll post a brief timeline of our relationship,from the ugly beginnings to the confusing middle to the very satisfying present.  :)  After all, it only takes a moment to change everything.

But that's another day, another post.

Courtship When It Works!

Lest you think that I'm bashing on courtship too much, I'm packing to visit one of my favorite couples that Josh and I watched as role models in the courtship process: his brother, sister-in-law, and our little nephew!  They were the first couple I had met and was able to talk to in-depth about courtship, and both Corrie and Peter offered us quite a bit of advice, encouragement, and comfort along the way.

And now we get to meet their son for the first time.  The PHC onesie is wrapped, packed and ready to go! :)

Guarding Your Heart

There's a lot of emphasis put on "guarding your heart" in courtship circles.  Protecting it from future hurt.  Protecting the other person's heart from future hurt.  Disciplining against fantasies, wistful thinking, and being too desirous about marriage.

Not taking hearts lightly, check.  Not wanting to be hurt...not so much.

The concept of guarding may be a good one. But interpreted by many homeschoolers that I know, there are quite a few flaws.  For one thing, consider the concept of protecting yourself from hurt:

First of all, it assumes that you are the protector of your heart, rather than God.

Second, it assumes that a broken heart is the worst possible fate and should be avoided.

Third, it assumes that to break your heart is to permanently impair it, and you will never have that same level of joy in any relationship.

C. S. Lewis wrote that to love is to be vulnerable. That the only way to protect your heart is to keep it from loving at all.

And that's exactly what many courtship-pers do when they go about guarding their hearts.  They are emotionally and relationally stunted because they fear pain, completely missing the fact that pain in fact can make you a better person and that pain is a necessary risk of relationships.

I personally found this to be a great disadvantage in my relationship with Josh.  I guarded my heart a little too well.  I spent high school shutting out the thought of boyfriends - and therefore of marriage, too.  Unfortunately, that meant by the time I was ready to be in a relationship, I had no idea of what to do.  I didn't know what I was looking for in a husband.  I hadn't thought about the qualities necessary to marriage. And probably worst of all, I hadn't considered the qualities that I should develop to be prepared to be a wife. I came in mentally and emotionally behind the game, and had a lot of catching up to do.

One of these ways was in learning to think about relationships -- and even marriage -- as a good thing.  For so many years, relationships were off-limits. Thinking about or wanting a boyfriend was bad.  So to have one was a shock to my system!  I felt guilty holding hands in public (mind you, after we'd been together for months already!).   It took a while for me to get used to the idea that I was not only not sinning for liking someone, but that it was (1) natural and (2) God-given!

Josh bore the brunt of these insecurities, I'm afraid.  I did everything I could to keep our relationship on the downlow for the first several months, and sometimes pushed him away because of a false guilt complex.  I wasn't proud to be with him, and he could feel that.  It affected our relationship in negative ways until I matured emotionally. And I stopped protecting my heart and allowed myself to love him, things took off from there.

All that to say: love is risky.  And loving before you are ready for commitment usually ends badly.  But that time should be used in preparation for a relationship, and in realizing the joy that it may bring.  Yes, it might give sentimental high school girls a longer, harder wait, but it should also prepare them emotionally and mentally for what will be the longest-lasting relationship of their lives.

Courtship: The Only Way to Marriage (Not!)

I've noticed that a lot of homeschoolers have some very set ideas of courtship.

Namely, that it's wrong to do anything but court.  Dating = bad.  Long-term relationships = bad (what, you've been together three years and you're not engaged yet????)  Spending time with one person alone = bad.  And the very worst... unofficial relationships!

I want to get some things clear:

1) No matter what your concept of relationships is,God can work in all ways.

2) No matter how you go about it, God is capable of writing your love story.

3) In many ways, the difference between dating and courting is just terminology.

There are "courtives" who get it very, very wrong. There are "daters" who get it very, very right.  And there are some in both camps who are in that camp just because that's what their friends do.

I once had lunch with a friend who described courtship as a "cheap form of dating."  It's true. There's nothing wrong with going out for lunch with your boyfriend.  In fact, there's nothing wrong with even calling him your boyfriend if you want.  What's wrong is when you don't put God first in your own life and your relationship. That's the only place any relationship at any time goes wrong.

If anything, I wish we had "dated" a little.  Our surrounding climate was full of pressure.  Too much gossip. No private places where we could really talk about and with each other without interruptions every five minutes.  And the constant aura of guilt that is constantly with you on-campus: "um, I really should go write that paper." It would have been nice to go on more dates -- some of the most precious moments (and we're in agreement on this!) were our walks to McDonald's for dollar sundaes, or walks down the nearby bike trail.  Didn't break the bank, and provided some "just us" time that we desperately needed to grow as a couple. Yes, socialize in groups.  But by no means miss out on socializing with each other.

Parents, you understand that relationships need time alone. But your kids more often than not misunderstand courtship to mean the opposite of dating.  In reality, the only important difference is the philosophy behind them.  To court should only mean to date with a purpose, with full transparency and accountability.  It does not mean throw the baby out with the bathwater.

And it certainly doesn't mean to look down upon those who choose to call it "dating" rather than "courting."

Courtship: Get married right away!

I want to start off by saying that one, I'm very happily married. Obviously even with some of my misconceptions, courtship worked for me.  I enjoyed it on the whole. Sooo.....disclaimer. I don't regret courting.  I regret the completely unnecessary stress that kept me from enjoying it more.

And topping that list was the pressure to get married.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking: um...isn't that what courtship is all about? Relationships with the perspective of marriage?

Well, yes.  I don't think you should be in a relationship just because it would be fun, or just so you have an SO, or just to see "where it could go." I think a relationship should happen when you are in a position where marriage is a possibility, and each of your relationships should have a dynamic tension in which it either moves toward marriage or stops immediately.  If you know you can't marry someone, get out of that relationship as soon as possible.

But one common problem I see with the homeschoolers of my generation is the intense stress of relationships. Even before she is in one, a girl feels like she's making the decision of her lifetime.  Like deciding to court a guy means that she is going to marry him. After all, isn't that what people expect? Most girls I know (including me) tortured themselves with doubts, burning questions, and worries about the future before they would consider a relationship. "But how do I know he's really the right one???"  And as a result, I've seen girls on both extremes: those who are unwilling to break off their unhealthy relationships because they feel they've already made a commitment, and those who won't give any guy a chance unless he's exactly what they had in mind as Prince Charming.

Parents need to understand this common misconception when teaching their kids about relationships and courtship.  No, relationships should not be taken lightly.  But courtship is not betrothal. It is not a pre-marriage preparation period.  A courtship is a commitment to consider that person for marriage.  It is a commitment to get to know him better. And it is nothing more.

There are (at least) three negative aspects of this perspective:

(1) the beginning of a relationship is so stressful that it is hardly enjoyed, and the girl is usually an emotional basketcase.

(2) some girls are busy dissecting every little fault of the guy's to make sure she didn't miss anything.  This at once skews the picture: how could you ever want to marry someone if you only saw their faults, magnified in detail?  This is why many girls won't give a guy a chance, and thus never understand what it means to marry a sinner and deal with his faults day-by-day, with grace for the moment.

(3) other girls enter the relationship with rose-colored glasses. Once the glasses start to fade, she panics because she is what she considers to be a committed relationship with a sin-speckled guy.  And so she continues to ignore the faults, hoping that if she ignores them they will magically disappear.  And so, like the girl who dismisses him without a second thought, this girl also fails to learn what is key in marriage: how to deal with faults and grow in the process.  Unfortunately, this girl may also force herself to remain in a relationship that has faults beyond repair.

This pressure to get married from the very start of a relationship undoubtedly tops my list for courtship pitfalls.  The girl usually perceives it from her social circles, sometimes from our parents, and then engrains it in herself. And that is why parents of all people need to help her understand: a relationship is not a failure if it doesn't lead to marriage.  And as a dear friend told me, "no matter what happens, you'll be a better person because of it."

This Courtship Generation

This morning I was thinking about various conversations over the last year, and I came to a conclusion:

This generation of courting homeschoolers are lost relationally.

Not that they don't have relationships (because they ARE socialized!), but that when they are in a relationship, or thinking about being in one, they are confused. Their parents didn't practice courtship.  They've heard dating horror stories.  But they don't know what a good courtship looks like. All they have are the books and platitudes of older couples burned with broken hearts and bitter tears.  My generation has heard a lot of "don't"s.  But they just don't know what the "do's" are.

This became evident my final semester, when I was engaged. All of a sudden I was the relational guru on campus.  Girls I hardly knew asked me for advice that semester.  I would know nothing about them except all their relationship woes, wonderings, and wishes.  It was like having navigated a successful courtship gave me a wealth of experience - something that others desperately wanted to understand.  It had nothing to do with me.  It had everything to do with being a novelty - one of the first in my circles to try my hand at this courtship thing.

Am I a relationship expert?  No - I don't believe there really is such a thing.  But I welcomed the questions, because there are a lot of hurting hearts with undue pressures, misconceptions, and erroneous ideas.  I am not a fountain of "courtship wisdom."  But I did have a textbook courtship.

Yes, a textbook courtship.  What is that anyway?  Josh and I each were in only one relationship.  When my dad said "wait," we obeyed and waited. We prayed and had Bible study together.  We held hands for the first time after five months of being together - which was when we said "I love you" too.  We were open with our parents every step of the way, as well as with our accountability partners.  We had our first kiss at the altar.  What isn't textbook about that?

And that's why I feel qualified to criticize some of our ideas of what a good courtship entails: because I had one.  In blog post, it looks textbook.  In reality, there were all sorts of pitfalls.  And I watch others fall into the same ones just as naively as I did.

That's why I write this: I want to explain not only to girls, but to their parents, the areas of courtship that need a little more clarity.  I think oftentimes the parents understand and had no intention of leading their children into these misunderstandings.  But because they were never in that situation, they don't realize the disconnect between the advice our girls hear and the interpretations they are given.  And that causes a lot of heartache.

So I'm going to attempt to dreg up the uglier parts of our courtship: the things I was blinded to, the misconceptions I had, the pressure I submitted to because I didn't know there could be a better option.  And hopefully, it will help someone else avoid the same.

Domestic Experimentation

I decided to be adventurous tonight in the kitchen and try my hand at a few very unique dishes.  I had on the menu grilled chicken and grilled plantain, since I had a couple of those left that were at last ripe. Simple and common recipes.

As I cleaned up around the house, I ran across one of my seasons of Little House on the Prairie. Which of course got me thinking about Laura and Almanzo, which reminded me of the episode in which Nellie asks Almanzo over for dinner and then asks Laura to cook his favorite food - cinnamon chicken.  Which she does - with a hearty sprinkling of cayenne pepper instead of cinnamon.

Love that episode.  Love that series.

The Kiss of Good Luck!

Incidentally, Laura's red dress in season 6 reminds me of the dress and pinafore I wore as Josie Pye in Anne of Green Gables.  

But back to the point.  I have never heard of cinnamon chicken. So of course I decided to try it.  I found a simple-looking recipe, made a few adjustments to prevent it from being overly dry, and whipped it up.

But do grilled plantains really go with cinnamon chicken?  More importantly, will my husband (who sadly, I must say, was not a huge fan of my baked plantain chips) become a consumer of plantains or will he forevermore steer me in a different direction at the grocery store?

This cannot happen.  My plantain creativity must continue.  

Naturally, the solution was to use as much sugar as I could in baking the plantains and serve that instead of the healthier grilled version.  The result?  Plantain baked in a brown sugar/cinnamon/butter mixture.

In my husband's words at his first bite... "Weird....but good!"  Once he was more accustomed to the taste, he rather enjoyed it and went back for more.

The sweetness of the sauce brought out the more banana-y flavor, although it still had the unique plantain flavor that is quite indescribable.  It went perfectly as a side dish with the cinnamon chicken, which itself benefited greatly from being used as a mop for excess sugary sauce.  Dinner and dessert rolled into one.  Double win.

The chicken I probably will not make again, but I already have my eye on a different cinnamon chicken recipe - this one breaded.  The plantains, both cheap and versatile, I may introduce to guests to expand their taste buds and cultural experiences.  :) Here's to another day of culinary experiments!

Heaven on Earth

Josh and I are going through Philippians together and last night covered Philippians 2.  Philippians is a generally good book, but what stood out to me last night was verse 15:

"that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world."


The reference to lights of the world reminded me not only of the oft-quoted verse in Matthew 5, but also of Daniel 12:3:

"And those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever."


Daniel is talking about the end of time, a prophecy of the resurrection of believers into the eternal presence of God. In His presence, those saints will reflect the radiance of His glory.  Paul, on the other hand, is talking about the here and now.  In the midst of corruption and perversity, those saints who are blameless and innocent shine as lights.

A taste of heaven on earth?  I think so.  The refreshment of a saint living purely despite the surroundings can only be explained by the eternality dwelling within them.  The light of the world is not simply a "testimony" to unbelievers.  It is a glimpse of the transcendent, a taste of the divine. It is the immortal, God-fulfilled soul peeking out behind a mortal mask.

We often think of being the light of the world as being a draw to unbelievers, something that pulls them in.  We fail to recognize that just as often, to the degenerate human untouched by the Holy Spirit, the reflection of God's glory is repulsive.  But like Ezekiel, we must continue shining in the midst of a corrupt and perverse generation, not based on the results or the number of souls we can draw in, but because in so doing we will be offering the sacrifice of our faith to the Eternal God.

Peanut Butter Maple Bars

A couple nights ago I was experimenting with a recipe for no-bake oatmeal cookies.  The problem: I didn't have all of the ingredients, and not enough of the ingredients I did have.  So I experimented instead!

I brought 2 cups of sugar, a stick of butter, and 1/2 cup of milk to a light boil until it was smooth and creamy.  I then removed the pan from the heat and added a dash of vanilla, a glob of peanut butter (probably around 3/4th of a cup), and several packs of instant oatmeal.  I then drizzled chocolate syrup over the mess and stirred it all together.

The result was a goop that looked like oatmeal.  The cookies that I was semi-imitating were supposed to plop down on foil and then cool into cookies.  This wasn't gonna happen with these pups.  So I poured them into a baking dish and chilled them over night.

I must say, I was pretty happy with the final product.  It's basically peanut butter fudge with the added oatmeal texture.  I was so pleased with it that I made another batch to take to a party. I'm inspired to try making real fudge someday.... but with how rich this stuff is, it's gonna take us a while to get through our current batch. 

It's been a good week in our little apartment.  I revised a spinach quiche recipe I found online for our Labor Day weekend breakfast (the joy of cooking for two -- it lasts much longer!), and was surprised how well it turned out.  All I did was lessen the number of ingredients and substituted some ingredients for their more expensive counterparts.  Simplification.  :)

This morning Josh and I took a walk to drop an envelope in the mailbox and grab a treat.  We passed a yard sale on our way and I noticed a desk.  We've been looking for a desk.  So we decided that on the way back, we would ask how much and if it was less than $40, we would get the car and take it.


$15.  That sold us right there.  It's sturdy and well-built (as we were about to find out, too well-built), and in fairly good condition.  There are decorations on it (i.e., crayon scribbles), but that matches our table perfectly and so goes with the general theme.  ;)


We walked back, got the car, drove back, and loaded her up. 

Or at least...we tried.  Too deep to fit in the trunk and too wide to fit in the back seat.  So I drove back, grabbed our toolset, and we disassembled the desk.


Or at least...we tried. The screws attaching the drawer section to the desktop were stripped. 


Enter Jeremiah.  Faithful carpool buddy came driving to the rescue in his white Subaru.  He helped us load it up and then get it into our apartment.  We don't have a chair for it yet (that's our next search -- more chairs so we can host more than two people!), but for now we've got Josh's exercise ball.


I finally felt like I was fully moved in as I unpacked.  Office supplies are my favorite.  Binders, notebooks, sticky notes, freshly sharpened pencils...they're a must.  It was great to say hello to my old friends as I released them from the purple bin that was their prison!

I also found a few of my favorite memorized pieces.  If, by Rudyard Kipling, The Four Quartets, by T.S. Eliot, and O Captain My Captain now grace my walls.  *happy sigh*

It has been amazing how many ways God has provided for us.  I know He will always provide our necessities, like food and clothing.  But He has answered our prayers far above and beyond our needs.

Now all we need is a buddy with a truck who can help us move a sleeper couch that someone offered to us.  :)  Then we can have someone spend the night!

On the Prophet of this Age, Part II

I Corinthians Chapter 2 makes it clear that wisdom is directly from the Spirit of God, who makes clear to us the thoughts of God.  How amazing!  Read that again: the wisdom only accessible to believers is from the Spirit of God, revealing to us the innermost thoughts of God.  Incredible.  I just can't get over that.

God is love, so the wisdom that comes from Him can be characterized by nothing other than love.  If it lacks love, then it may be knowledge, intellectualism, intelligence, perception, or any number of things -- but not wisdom.

There is a guy I know who has a brilliant mind.  Most of his observations about American Christianity are dead on. But he expresses them in such a cynical, scornful way that most people are seriously offended.

Offense is not always a bad thing; sometimes it is necessary (ever met a person glad to hear about their sins?).  But the offense here is not in his message-- it is in his words, his bitterness. 

He was once railing on about an issue (which I agreed with him on), when someone told him that cynicism was just as bad. The response?  People called Jeremiah a cynic, too.

Hold it right there.  If you're going to compare yourself to a prophet of God, then your life had better emulate that prophet. Jeremiah suffered deeply because of his position.  He was beaten, threatened, slandered.  He was not allowed a wife or children.  And he grieved his heart out over the fate of his country.  He pled with God for mercy and grace on their behalf.  He pled with his people to change their ways for their own sake.  He genuinely suffered in the midst of his "cynicism" because of his love for the people.

Jeremiah translated his connection with God into harsh words of truth.  The truth hurts sometimes, but it has to be said.  However, there's a HUGE difference between speaking the truth out of scorn and speaking the truth because your heart is burning within you.

Let the prophet of this age note: if the truth that you have recognized is not accompanied by love on your part, then you do not have wisdom.  Keep your mouth quiet, because you are no prophet of God.  The true prophet of God -- and the only one who should be speaking on His behalf -- is the one who has the love of God in his soul and the wisdom of God in his heart.

On the Prophet of this Age, Part I

Today, upon the mention by an old friend of DL memories, I visited my Xanga for the first time in months. As I read the posts from my first step on campus to the beginning of my relationship, I had to smile.  The youthful naivete mingled with genuine insight and wholehearted faith left a very distinct flavor.  In some sense, I wish I was as wise now as I was then - for after all, it is the foolish that God has made wise!  I benefitted from reading those reflections spiritually.

On the other hand, they were the musings of a theologically and emotionally immature youth. The past three years have changed my understanding of the world, God's grace, and the light of eternity in ways immeasurable.  I have immersed myself in thinkers, philosophers, and the Word of God, and have chewed the meat and spit out the bones.  Perhaps the biggest impact my education had on me was spiritual, and that is by far worth the expense.

My first reaction was to chuckle at the incomplete-but-good-hearted thoughts of the college freshman.  But my second reaction was to ponder afresh the dangers of "wisdom" from education.

One of the necessary characteristics of the theory major is the tendency to view oneself as a prophet of the age.  With eyes opened to the rich tradition of the past, we students were sobered, disgusted, and terrified by the state of American evangelicism.  We recognize the shoddy theology, the detachment from any substantive thought, the lack of eternal perspective.  I started as a college student with a love for contemporary worship.  I graduated with a love for liturgy, church structure, and deep study of not only Biblical thinkers but secular theologians (a paradox it may seem - but then, one cannot help being a theologian).    We are all deeply impressed by a love for the Good, and thirst after a community, in which virtue is more easily inculcated.

Yet in my studies, I was continually surprised at the cynicism of those who supposedly had knowledge of such wonderful traditions.  It is amazing to me that those whose souls have come into contact with the rich traditions and thoughts of the past can disdain those who have not yet plumbed those depths.  They can quote the right thinkers; they can tell you why your theology is wrong and why your church is unbiblical.  Their intellectual arguments are well-crafted and in general, I agree with their conclusions.  But I cannot understand how they, who have seen the glory of God, can be so bitter in their assessment of others.  How they, having come to understand the errors of their thoughts, can have no patience for those who need to be trained.

Their message is lost because there is one thing they do not understand: knowledge is a poor substitute for virtue.  Is it not the devil himself who walked in the desert with the Son of God incarnate?  And did he not himself quote the Scriptures, the Word of God?

I have all too often watched my fellow theory majors thirst for knowledge, dig into their studies with the intention of "broadening the soul."  But the reputation for snobbery is, I'm afraid, well-deserved.  In their attempts to train their minds, they have failed to apply their vast amounts of knowledge to their lives. 

The well-learned man must be the virtuous man.  If he is not virtuous, then he is not well-learned, for he has missed the most important lesson of all.  He has failed to serve the Good and serves only himself.  In that failure, his knowledge has not passed into wisdom, which is the principle thing.


I find the naivete of the girl writing the Xanga posts rather refreshing, for she wrote from a mind which feared God.  With that base, one cannot help but to become well-learned under the tutelage of the Great Tutor.  Without that base, one can only accumulate knowledge, and never wisdom.

The Art of the Commonplace: Marriage

I was jogging this morning when I caught a glimpse of the sparkly wonder that is my engagement ring.  When I exercise, or do anything that involves getting dirty, I remove all my jewelry and nice clothes in favor of grungier, less valuable things. And yet this most valuable possession of mine is always with me, whatever it is that I'm doing (excluding activities that may end up in no ring at all, like swimming at the beach!).  It's beautiful -- and not the type of thing I think of when I hear the words "jogging apparel."

And yet, there is goes with me as I run.  It is a mystery, a treasure, living in the routine that is everyday life.  It is beauty and wonder and love taking part in ordinary, commonplace tasks like vacuuming and chopping onions and taking out the trash. 

What a symbol of marriage!  A sacred institution of God, translated into everyday banalities and ordinary life.  It is a mystery, a picture of Christ and the church, a joining of two separate lives into one indistinguishable entity.  But it is also doing the dishes and watching a movie and talking through the monthly budget.  We fail to see the mystery because it is obscured by the all-too-obvious, but the mystery remains to be pondered.

Which, by the way, reminds me of something our pastor was preaching on in Revelation 21. The Church is compared to a jasper stone, which apparently is a gem very similar to a diamond.  Our pastor used the point to illustrate the glory of the church as a reflection of Christ's glory (because diamonds reflect light), but that got me to thinking again about my engagement ring.  This ring, a symbol of Josh's love for me and the worth that I have to him, is only a tiny picture of the value that the Church is to the Lamb.  Josh's investment in the ring signified his willingness to provide for me, to financially commit to me.  How much more has Christ committed to His own diamond, His Church!  How much He paid first to buy it, then to refine, cut, and set it so it would be ready to reflect His glory.

Back to the Future

In the era of relevance, "Christian hipsters," and fun churches, tradition seems pretty much lost in the woodwork.  Perhaps that's why a Presbyterian church appeals to me -- the structure and liturgies of Catholic and Anglican churches speak to my heart as the preservation of an ancient tradition.  A tradition ordained and inspired by God, and enriched by the insights and spiritual walks of millions of Christians over the ages.  I get lost in the prayers and contemplations of millions of souls, not dead, but worshiping alongside me.  Paul (I believe) said it well in Hebrews:

But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect.

This was a truth particularly close to my heart in Europe.  Worshiping in grand old cathedrals was richer for the knowledge that my soul was not alone in my worship.  Even now, my praise mingles with the praise of the millions who have gone before, and still live on in the presence of my God and my King.  "Blessed are they who dwell in Your house, for they will still be praising You!"  Though I may seem to be alone spiritually in dead American Christianity, my soul never lacks in companionship at the throne of God.

But back to the prompt of this post.  While reading in Jeremiah, I came across this gem of a verse:

Stand by the roads, and look,

and ask for the ancient paths,

where the good way is; and walk in it,

and find rest for your souls.

The ancient paths.  Even the phrase does good for my soul.  The church has no need to be "relevant" -- how much more relevant can Christ get?  But the ancient paths?  Oh, the joy of knowing that I walk after and with the souls of those who have loved and trusted God!  They have been young, and now are old, and yet God has not forsaken them.

My soul can rest in God's faithfulness as I walk in the ancient paths.  I can benefit from their struggles, recorded and passed down through writing.  I can revel in His faithfulness to them in the past, which demands my present trust.  And I can rejoice that He will use my experience too to benefit believers in the future.

The universal church is not just a concept.  It is a reality that should be meditated on and savored.  For on the ancient paths, time is eclipsed and the worship of God is the meeting place at which one generation can praise His works to another.

Hallelujah!

"That you do so more and more...."

"Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more."
~I Thessalonians 4:1

As I read this verse in my quiet time, I was thinking about when I started on-campus at PHC.  I was a good little student, and went out for a jog 4-5 times a week to stay healthy and to clear the mind.  4-5 times a week - so I ought to have been pretty in shape, right?

Wrong.  I grew more and more frustrated when, after two semesters of running consistently, I hadn't improved on stamina at all.  I would go for a run with my roommate and not be able to keep up, even though I ran more often.  I remembered back to my days of competitive running and how quick I was for a little kid, and I just didn't understand why I wasn't improving.  It's not that I didn't know how to run.  It's that I was physically not any stronger.  The next year, I dropped running and stayed in shape in other ways (one of which resulted in some pretty nice biceps ;). 

In the past few months, away from my exercise source at school, I've picked up running again.  But I've noticed a drastic difference in my physical ability.  What I couldn't achieve before after a year of running, I've attained in a month.  The differentiating factor?  I'm running in a fitness center rather than outside. My allergies, provoked by the beautiful scenery on my favorite running trail, had resulted in asthmatic reactions that forced me to stop running after only a couple of minutes.  I foolishly continued on the same path for a year, even though it was making me literally sick.

I disdain gyms.  I always have and probably always will.  I don't like the loud music that can't be turned off, I don't like having other people around during my run time, I don't like the concept of racing around on my treadmill the way a hamster spins in his wheel.  At one time, I would have been disgusted of being relegated to indoors for my exercise.  But now I'm realizing that I feel better, I'm stronger...and being on a treadmill is a great time to memorize Scripture.  Finally, I am growing "more and more" -- that is, bit by bit -- in my running ability and have almost worked back up to my goal.

My spiritual walk is the same way.  Often I "feel" like I am doing well spiritually (i.e., going for runs every day), but in reality I'm not growing in the same way.  Other days I "feel" like a miserable Christian failure, like when emotions take over.  But Paul's emphasis on Thessalonians is not in our ability to train ourselves.  It's on God's role in our sancification:

"Now may our God and Father himself, and our Lord Jesus direct our way to you, and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you."

"Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another."

More and more.  But when I try to increase in love myself, I find myself wheezing spiritually with the effort.  I'm going through the exercises, but I'm not getting anywhere because I can't deal with the problem.  My spiritual asthma -- the nagging irritating things that make people unlovable, the jealous self-seeking bitterness in my heart, the envy of the wicked and their rewards -- is a problem that I can't overcome in any way but changing the setting.

And that's to let God have His way in me.  To struggle, to fight, to strive, yes.  But to strive in the place He has for me.  To let Him teach me love.  To let Him direct my path.  To let Him make me stronger, to feel fitter, to implant His Word in my heart.

And under His tutelage, I won't run perfectly.  It'll be a while before I'm up for a marathon.  But He has already established my heart as blameless in holiness, because he who finds his strength in the Lord will appear before Him in Zion. 

Hospitality in the Church

The dreaded church search.  Yep, I did it again.  After attending three different churches during my three years at PHC, the church we were at decided that due to overflow in the building, they would cut each of the services down to one hour.  The result: 20 minutes worship, 5-10 minutes of announcements/tithe, and a 20-30 minute sermon.  Followed by another service 15 minutes later, resulting in a sanctuary and lobby so packed that fellowship was impossible because conversations couldn't be heard.  All other elements of church were moved to Sunday night service - meaning that if we wanted toparticipate in communion or get involved in a small group, we would have to forgo our service in AWANA.  And the sermons, much shorter than they used to be, lost their depth.  Milk, and not meat.  Josh and I made the decision to move on for the sake of our spiritual growth as we enter a new phase of life.

And here we are, at a Presbyterian church (neither of us have ever attended a Presbyterian church) that meets in a middle school.  The pastor spoke 3 out of the first 6 times we were there. It's small,the elders take turns preaching when the pastor is out, and the music is not fantastic (although they choose good songs).  The pastor gives excellent, deep, well-researched and supported sermons.  But then, we didn't get to hear him the first week!

What made us stay after the first week to give it a second chance is that the Body of Christ is in effect there in a way I have never witnessed in a church, particularly in the area of hospitality.

We have been attended there for almost two months.  Our first week there, we were approached by five different people who, after they found out we were moving, asked if we needed help moving.  We walked out with the business cards of both the youth pastor and the pastor with numbers to call when we moved.  And they were serious. Since we had no furniture, we didn't take them up on it (two carloads of boxes isn't exactly worth the time).  But in the time since, we've witnessed the system with which the entire church shows up to help move someone in.

We have been invited over for a meal three times.  Once, a homeschool family invited both us and another new couple over for lunch so we got to know not only a member family, but another set of newlyweds new to the church.  Yay for meeting people in the same walk of life!  The dad and the kids prepared the house and the meal for us, as mom was out of the town the day before.  We found that to be a sweet act of service.

Then just last night, a woman dropped by our apartment with a plate of warm, freshly-baked sticky buns.  "I took my daughter to college this week, so I had the house to myself and thought I'd do some baking to share with y'all.  Welcome to church!" she said.

I've attended generous churches, churches with good teaching, small churches, large churches, churches where the pastors sincerely love the Lord.  I have never attended a church so hospitable.  Maybe it's because we're not just college students anymore - college students tend to be overlooked and lumped in with the rest of the college-aged kids.  But I doubt it.  This church teaches and lives the concept of hospitality as a command.

And you know what?  It's contagious.  Ever since I was little, I didn't like having people over because I was too shy to enjoy conversation.  It is SO easy in a tiny apartment with worn out carpet, a small food budget, and only four chairs to make excuses for not having people over.  But I'm learning through this church that the quality of the cooking and the beauty of the home are not substitutes for the ministry that goes on when the church is actively building relationships on a personal level.  So we're inviting some students over for games and dessert on Saturday.  :)

May I remember this lesson forever - hospitality signifies the establishment of relationships and draws people into the Body of Christ.

Purity: Not Just for Yourself

It seems to me that the evangelical church overemphasizes some reasons for purity in teenagers.  The main argument being made is that if you do not save yourself for marriage, then someday you are going to get married and be ashamed.  That the reason for purity is so that you can be wholly your husband's (or wife's), and not have any past lovers to compare/be compared to in bed.

No wonder so many evangelical teens are hopping into bed!  If this is their reason for remaining a virgin, then why stay pure when you meet the person you're sure you are going marry?  Even more, what about once you're engaged?  You have a promise already -- so if you're only saving yourself for your future spouse's sake, what's the harm?  Why should the night before the wedding be different from the night of the wedding?  The promise has already been made and waits only for formalization before witnesses.

No indeed, to be surprised at immorality among Christian couples, we would have to be hopelessly naive.  We have offered teens a self-centered reason to stay pure, without any deeper explanation.  If they remain virgins, we promise them only the ability to avoid guilt.  We ask them to mortify their bodies for the sake of...what?  Future pleasure?  If that's the reason, and they can avoid the guilt, why shouldn't they have pleasure now?  And then we throw a cherry on top and tell them that God says so, because He wants to protect them from shame.

Yes, God says so.  But it's not all about us (that's just an added side benefit).  God yearns jealously for us and wants us to sanctify our bodies for His service (Romans 12:1-2).  He wants the virgin to be wholly occupied with pleasing God, not a man who she thinks will be her husband.  If we want Christian teens to be significantly different from their peers in the area of sexual activity, then we need to stop giving poor explanation and get down to the root of the issue.

God wants the unmarried to remain pure because their focus needs to be on God (I Corinthians 7).  The point is NOT the number of girlfriends that a guy will be shamefully remembering on his wedding day (an argument which, by the way, leads to a huge error in the courtship camp).  The point is that purity is from God.  He still loves the harlot (as in Hosea), but He longs for His bride to be characterized by chastity.  He longs for those whom He has called to be single, and who are single for a short while longer, to be devoted to Him as Paul was.

Our kids coming through the churches today need to understand that sexual purity is not something that is good because it will save them from hurt.  They need to understand that sexual purity is good because God has decreed it to be so, for His service, and that they will be hurt by fornication BECAUSE it is bad.

A convincing argument? No, for an unbeliever.  But it is the only true justification for sexual purity.  Without God's jealousy for us, there is no reason for a teen or fiancee to remain pure.

And as for what makes the night before the wedding different from the wedding night?  Vows are taken before God, and it is He who joins together.  Up until that time, when man and woman become one not through their own strength but through a divine calling, "the Lord is your husband."

Weddings and Community

Why are wedding days such a big deal? I often ponder the question. There are a lot of ceremonies, but none of them as big as a wedding.

But then, what does a wedding symbolize? The creation of a family. And what is a family? The cornerstone of society, the basis for community, the context of the individual. Without the family, society ceases to exist and disappears into the ominous shadow of Government.

Marriage may seem like a private agreement between two individuals, or for a Christian, between two individuals and God. But it is more than that -- it is an agreement between the couple and the community. The couple is promising to perpetuate society and to take part in the community. Community is promising to provide a setting in which the couple can raise the family.

Then as Louis de Bonald said, the marriage covenant is between not only the man and the woman, but also between the unborn child(ren). The family exists for the child; the child exists because of the family.

Weddings, as much as they have been overblown and exaggerated, are a big deal because they are a chance for the community to share in the marriage. They are a chance for the couple to participate in the community. It is a seal between man and wife and society, for better or for worse.

The Ache of the Unknown

Have you ever experienced the ache of things that you will never know?

The true conservative believes that God is at work in every culture, in every political system, in every nation. There may be systems that are more or less suited to curb man's sinful nature and ease the pain of throwing hundreds of sinners in a community together, but altogether no true conservative can completely discredit a nation as being outside of God's work. In fact, no true Christian can do that.

Which means, of course, that if a community is inside of God's work, then it is inside of God's beauty. Every culture -- though every culture has its own version of rampant immorality because people all have their own version of rampant immorality -- has in its own unique expression the unfettered glory of God. The language, the food, the marriage ceremonies...they all show undeniable evidence of the existence of God.

So then, I ache because I will never know it. There is beauty of God expressed in ways I will never be able to see, or that I will even be aware of. There are cultural traditions in which I will never partake.

The mystery of it is the diversity of God, too great for any one human being to comprehend.

But in the end, the ache is similar to the feeling of a sunset. That indescribable bittersweet sensation that makes you want to be a part of the sunset, that knows in a few minutes the sun will be gone and you are only glimpsing a second's worth of eternal beauty. I get that feeling when I experience another culture, because I know I am only touching a second of the eternal glory and work of God.

Harry Potter

Harry Potter has taken a lot of flak for being about wizards and witches and the so-called "mark of the beast" that appears on Harry's forehead. Surprisingly enough, I found that the worldview was the best element of the Harry Potter books.

In a world that has an ever-increasing vacuum of spiritual lessons and moral compasses, Harry Potter was refreshing to me. It has its weaknesses, but the magic used in it isn't the type of magic used to communicate with the devil. Wizards and witches in Harry Potter are simply people who live in a different world--the equivalent of Narnia's Talking Beasts or Gandalf's rise from the dead. The mere presence of magic isn't enough to discard a book. There has to be a philosophical element connected to the magic that is objectionable, and Harry Potter is much more healthy philosophically than most books written today--in fact, it's better philosophically than many so-called Christian books.*

Good and Evil

From Book 1, there is a very clear distinction between good and evil. The good are brave, loyal, and just. The evil are power-grabbers, self-seekers, and lovers of inflicting pain on others. The characters themselves are more complex--Harry is good, but he has a temper problem and sometimes wonders what it would be like to be great--but there is an obvious distinction.

Additionally, you can choose to work against your evil nature. When Harry remembers some of his desire to be great and his potential for evil, Dumbledore tells him that he can choose to work for good instead. Even though he has tendencies to evil, he does not use that as an excuse to just give in and do it; he fights it.

Love and Sacrifice

Love is one of the main themes of the series. Harry's mother died trying to save his life, and the love that she showed in her self-sacrificial act saves his life again in the first book. Sacrificial love is shown to have more power than evil, and Voldemort--the evil wizard--is thwarted time and time again because he fails to recognize that power.

Other characters who demonstrate sacrificial love are Snape, who loved Harry's mother and risked his life protecting Harry for her sake, and Harry himself who [spoiler alert] turns himself in to Voldemort because it will stop the bloodshed and ultimately lead to a victory for good. His act of love protects others from Voldemort's stronger spells.

Second Chances

Although good and evil are always clearly defined, people are given second chances whenever possible. Dumbledore particularly is willing to give others another shot. Sirius Black, convicted of helping for the murder of Harry's parents, is given the chance to prove his innocence. Snape, a former Voldemort supporter, is allowed to teach at the school and join the Order dedicated to defeating Voldemort. Harry, Ron, and Hermoine are constantly having adolescent squabbles, but learn in the end to give each other grace. Draco Malfoy, the son of a Voldemort supporter, attempts to kill Dumbledore. But Dumbledore is willing to die in order to save Draco's life. Even when he tries to kill Harry and his friends, Harry risks his own life to save him from a fire. Unknowingly, the life of Draco saved Harry's life later on when his mother could have betrayed Harry but doesn't when Harry assures her that Draco is still alive. The belief seems to be that every person deserves a second chance. Dumbledore could have refused to teach the children of Voldemort supporters, but he gives an equal shot to everyone.

Witchcraft
Yes, Harry Potter is full of wizards and witches and spells and magic. If you are offended by that right of the bat, then do your conscience a favor and stop reading now. Far be it from be to cause you to stumble.

But I do think that the distinction between witchcraft and Harry Potter's wizardry is an important one. God condemned witchcraft in the Bible not because it dealt with unexplainable magical forces. He condemned it because witches -- mediums, they were called -- communicated with evil spirits in order to cause magic.

Harry Potter's magic is unexplainable and does assume a larger force. But that force is one overpowered by love, something that does not exist in the evil realm. The characters are wizards by birth, not by evil intentions. There are no evil spirits behind magic. That's a far cry from the wizardry declaimed in the Bible.

The "Unforgiveables"

The evil side fights with Unforgiveable curses, one which makes people robots to do your bidding, one which causes unbearable pain, and one which kills instantly without leaving a mark. Voldemort uses all of them without hesitation. When Harry tries to use one in the sixth book, in extreme anguish over Dumbledore's death, a former teacher tells him he cannot because he doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean to cause that pain. While the evil side uses all of these curses, the good does not. In fact, people questions Harry's tendency to disarm his opponents instead of trying to kill them, since they are trying to kill him and it would only be self-defense. But at the end of the series, we find that Harry kills no one...he disarms them, or they self-destruct.

It is a weakness on the part of the book, however, that Harry does use the Imperius and Cruciatus curses in the seventh novel, as does Professor McGonagall. While it may have been the only way, they does use evil means for the cause of good and that is a less-than-satisfactory element.

The AfterLife

The spiritual is dealt with time and time again when the subject of death comes up. There are ghosts, yes. Harry sees the ghost of his parents once when Voldemort's wand malfunctions and once when he uses a stone to bring people back from the dead. He also sees the ghosts of Dumbledore, a dead schoolmate, a former teacher, and his godfather. But while the nature of the afterlife is not discussed in detail, Dumbledore and Harry do talk about the life after death. The result is stunningly not-postmodern; there is clearly an afterlife that makes death less scary. Also, the bringing back of ghosts is implied to be less than desireable; Harry finds comfort in the shadows of his parents when he is about to die, but later decides never to bring them back again.

The Biblical concept of ghosts is not entirely conclusive; Samuelis brought back by a medium and the rich man begs to go back to warn his brothers. Obviously there is some truth to the concept of ghosts, but it is a negative one. Harry concludes the same--ghosts exist, and the local Hogwarts haunts prove useful to solving mysteries. But they are not seen as pleasant. The search to be in control of death is shown to be useless and soul damaging, and Harry determines to live his life peacefully, and when it is time to face death then.

The Soul

The soul is spoken of throughout the series often. Harry is said to have a soul that is brave and pure, one that Voldemort cannot stand to be in contact with.Voldemort, on the other hand, has split his soul into eight pieces. He did that in an attempt to be immortal, but the means by which he did it are telltale of the moral compass of the series. To split one's soul, one has to murder someone. The act, so cruel and pointless, is enough to eternally desecrate the soul and tear it apart. Voldemort chooses that brand of evil because he wants to live forever. But the book sees that as pure evil of an unparalleled level.


The "Mark"

The scar on Harry's forehead has been overanalyzed, but misunderstood. The mark of the beast that it is so often compared is the mark of a follower of the Antichrist. Harry's scar is a tie to Voldemort, but it does not link him to that evil. If anything, Harry's scar makes him passionate to fight evil instead of succumbing to it, especially since he gained the scar as Voldemort killed his parents and tried to kill him. As the one person who Voldemort would like to kill more than any other, Harry is forced to recognize the danger of his position and fight it with that much more good. His scar is magical--like so many elements of the book--but it is a tangible brand of evil similar to the permanent brand of evil that our sin natures are to us.

But....

While I find the Harry Potter series to be engaging, fun, and philosophically interesting, there are a few flaws that would cause me to have caution when giving them to my children. I would give the books to the older audience, with guided discussion.

First, there is little respect for authority. Harry and his friends disrespect Snape and are very suspicious of him, thinking that he has tried to kill Harry. Their hatred for him is undisguised, and while it is reciprocated on the part of Snape, uncalled for. They also break rules constantly and are rarely punished. On the other hand, the head of their own dorm, Gryffindor, does punish them adequately. But other teachers who try to punish them are often portrayed as unjust.

Second, there is open hatred and students have a long tradition of hating students from certain other houses (such as Slytherin).

Third, all of the characters have character flaws that are never addresses. Harry has a horrible temper and often slacks off on his homework. The three teens have frequent petty arguments and jealousies, and as they get older, start to use poor language. There are some sexual references, although limited to kissing ("snogging") and Ron asking his sister if Harry has a tatoo on his chest (suggesting that she would have seen him shirtless). There are also family resentments in Ron's family, and annoying relatives are disrespected.

Conclusion

These character flaws, however, appear to be the weakest point in Harry Potter. Like any book, it requires discernment and careful reading, and I would probably guide high schoolers through it. But I think it is a good sign that Harry Potter is so popular, because it shows an appetite for books dealing with spiritual things rather than vacuous self-gratification. The element of magic by itself is not enough to dismiss an otherwise morally and philosophically sound series.



*I am not intending to discuss technical aspects of Harry Potter such as plot development, writing style, and other such techniques. That would be beyond the scope of my knowledge and time.

Cynicism, Depression, and Love

Cynicism is a topic beaten to death here. We hear about the reasons for it, the ways to combat it, the justification for it. But I don't think anyone truly understands the cause of it.

For me, any tendency toward cynicism is caused by seeing people for who they are.

We come into adulthood believing that adults had it all together. We believed that our parents always had the best in mind for us, the people always make sacrifices, that everyone learned how to share and get along. But when we get to the age where we see the truth, cynicism strikes.

I used to think that people, although evil at heart, would never be intentionally malicious. I didn't think that they would be openly hateful, and spew from their mouths whatever bad opinion they had of someone at that time. I did not understand that people sinned intentionally.

I used to think that my friends would never be jealous, that my roommates would never be annoyed at me without cause, and that my relatives always would have my best at heart. Cynicism happens when you realize the naivete of those thoughts. When your friend hates you for no apparent reason, when your roommate doesn't ask you for your side of the story, and when your relatives doesn't even notice your needs. Cynicism is the realization that for the rest of your life, you are going to be living with people who are horribly sinful, who want nothing but their own pleasure, and you realize that even the most spiritual of people have this awful shortcoming.

Cynicism, in short, is a way to hold onto your bitterness. Being angry is a way to protect yourself, because if you can be angry, you cannot be hurt. You cannot be convicted. You cannot stabbed, because you are in the right.

Depression is when you turn that cynicism in towards yourself. When you are hurt by others, and you see only your own failings. You see your failure to pay attention to your brother's needs, your failure to listen to your roommate, and you failure to be a perfect friend. Depression is the realization that for the rest of your life, you are going to have to live with yourself. Depression is a way to hold onto your justification. To be depressed, you cannot be blamed for your own sinfulness, because it appears you are aware of it. If you hate yourself, no one can blame you for not being better, because it's not your fault you are not perfect. It is a way to justify the escape from yourself, where you can run away from your sin nature and blame it on depression.

Cynicism and depression are only fought by one thing: love.

Love thinks no evil. Love believes all things. Love never fails. How can you be cynical when someone is loving you--or you are loving someone--in this way?

Of course, so many times this is the cause of cynicism. We see this standard for love, we see the utter failure of anyone to live it out, and we grow cynical. But to be cynical is to show a lack of faith. It is to deny the power of God, to deny His presence, and to say that His work in our lives is not enough to satisfy us. It is to say that He is not powerful enough to bring love into our lives, and that His example is not enough to satisfy us in Him and not in others.

The beginnings of cynicism is a healthy dose of realism. We should be aware that others are not perfect, that we are not perfect. We should know the depths of wickedness to which we are capable of descending.

But that realism is followed by a choice: to be faithless or faithful. To love or not to love. If we choose love, then we have chosen God. If we choose cynicism, we have chosen the world.