I wrote a nice long post explaining one of my thought processes concerning courtship and decided it was far too cryptic to post.
So here's this in its stead:
I've been thinking quite a bit about courtship and what it means to be part of a community with your relationship. I would like to get some feedback before I write much on it: what does it mean to you? From the perspective of someone not in the relationship, what role do you want in a courtship? How about from inside the relationship?
Please do comment; I ask because our community was the single most bewildering experience of our courtship. It would be interesting to see from someone else's perspective how you would expect the community to factor into a relationship.
I suppose there are many aspects of "the community". One would be peers, one would be parents and family, one would be those looking for role models, and one would be those looking for roles models for their children. What about church leadership? Wow! I guess the list could go on, and lots of people would expect different things.
ReplyDeleteAs for us, the parents, or me the mom, I was looking to see if you were falling in love with him. That's it. Plain and simple. It you would have lived closer, I would have wanted to bond with him, in some fashion, as well. Dad, of course, probably wanted to play a bigger role.
I've never been around a courtship process so it was new to me. From our perspective, Matt and I were happy to see that you guys were entering into the relationship in a thoughtful and wisdom-seeking way. I'm with your mom on the engagement end...we just wanted to see you two madly in love. Preparing for the wedding during "wedding days" was a joy. I had so much fun with the other moms and I felt SO blessed to be part of something so God-honoring. Finally, at the wedding, we really appreciated the beautiful example you two set for our sons. Praise the LORD :)
ReplyDeleteAfter reading through your blog today, a few concerns I've had jumped out at me. First, the idea that a couple who is courting feels that they've entered into a covenant sort of agreement seems premature. I think you're right in commenting that there is a lot of pressure before deciding to be in a courting relationship because the couple doesn't know each other well. I would be concerned if a couple felt so much pressure from this arrangement that they couldn't end the relationship when it's looking like it won't work. My second concern is not having enough alone time together. When John and I were dating, we were at a school of 17,000 students, so we'd feel like we were alone together in a big crowd of people. We'd play table tennis for 4-5 hours at a time because we would be so busy talking. It sounds like that is tough when everyone around you knows you and is scrutinizing you.
ReplyDeleteAs far as community goes, it seems like your families are your most valuable assets. I liked the open communication you, your dad, and Josh had throughout this process. If I were around a couple who was courting, I'd want to be available for prayer and be a listening ear if needed. I'm not sure beyond that since I'm still trying to figure the whole process out.
Thank you for these posts. The courting process is mostly theoretical to me, besides hearing about how it worked for you and Josh. I'm not sure there could ever be a perfect system, since none of us are sinless. But hearing your story seems miles better than what high schoolers in the local church youth groups are often experiencing.