A Little Context

So to explain my understanding of courtship a little, it may help to know the background of our relationship. So this is it from the beginning to the end.

June 2006: I meet Josh and Aaron at NCFCA Nationals in Virginia.  I'm very focused on being friendly, so I introduce myself.  Josh is a little aloof, so I promptly decide that Aaron is the friendlier twin.

[just a note: Josh's Dad heard me speak at the same tournament, and there's a very neat "look-how-God-was-working" story there that comforted me quite a bit during our courtship.  Ask me sometime.  :)]

August 2006: I start Distance Learning classes, and Josh and Aaron are in my U.S. History class.  They are nerdy and VERY outgoing.  They also didn't remember meeting me at the tournament.

August 2007: We meet again the Sunday before freshmen orientation at church.  Another DL friend was there who I was VERY excited about meeting, so when the twins came over to "introduce" themselves, I kinda blew them off.  I felt bad for being so rude, but figured we probably wouldn't be that great of friends anyway....

October 2007:  The fateful debate trip.  14 hours in a van to Anderson, Indiana during which everyone fell asleep except Josh and me.  He cites this as the beginning of his interest.  I just remember singing Disney songs.  [incidentally, the artist of "our song" hails from Anderson, Indiana].

November 2007 - April 2008: Josh suddenly starts popping up at my lunch tables, in my social circles, and just about everywhere I am.  A thought starts formulating in the back of my mind that perhaps I need to be careful with this good-hearted but very extroverted guy (I definitely was NOT going to marry an extrovert).

May 2008: At Kaalo and Corrie's graduation, Josh comes over to say goodbye for the summer. Suddenly, his whole family troops over to meet me.  Awkward.  Thought in back of my mind jumps instantly to the front of my mind.

September 1, 2008: After a summer of short IMs, Josh surprises me outside of my dorm on the way to dinner and asks if he can walk me up.  My stomach sinks...and he proceeds to ask if we could have anything more than friendship.  I tell him flatly (1) I'm not interested.  At all.  and (2) I'm not allowed to be in a relationship until senior year anyway, so too bad.

I call my dad and tell him everything.  Realizing that senior year is not that far off, and I know absolutely nothing about courtship, I start asking questions about what a relationship means and how we plan to go about it.  The result of that conversation: Dad decides that perhaps the spring of my junior year is an appropriate time, but that he does not want me approaching any guy about that(i.e., if I were to start liking Josh, I couldn't tell him the deadline had moved up six months).

September 2 - December, 2008:  Pretty flat-out miserable.  Being on a campus of 300 people makes it hard to avoid people, especially people whose hearts you have broken.  And on top of it all, I was in physics that semester. With Josh.  And I told exactly 3 people (my roommates and my RA)about our conversation, so trying to keep a secret didn't help the heartache heal.

Last day of school, 2008:  Leaving for home on Christmas break, I walk out of my dorm at 4:30am with my suitcase and there is Josh to see me off.  My first reaction was glee.  My second reaction was "why in the world are you happy to see him???" On the plane ride home, I decided I might be interested, especially after a semester of watching him closely.

My computer died that Christmas break, so I had a full three weeks without any contact with him.  That was a good time for me to sort things out.

January - March 12, 2009:  Miserable. That about sums those months up as I wrestled with not being able to tell Josh that yes, I was actually interested, and yes, we could be in a relationship.  To compound the problem, I was incredibly secretive about it and told only my roommate, which meant for the most part I struggled very much alone.

March 13: That morning, I wrote in my journal that I was going to keep wrestling with God until I came to a conclusion about Josh.

That afternoon, Josh noticed that I was upset about something. In an IM, he asked if he could come over and try to cheer me up.  I asked him to give me half an hour and called my dad.

When he did come over, it was a very awkward conversation. My frustration was entirely about him, but I couldn't tell him that.  Instead, I had to wait for him to say something -- but he knew that I couldn't be in a relationship!  It was hopeless and uncomfortable...until he asked me "Um...I don't want to be forward or anything...but...am I the cause of your frustration?"

Never have I been happier to be asked a question.  Oh wait, nm...maybe last January.  ;)

We had a long walk and talk that day that cleared up a lot and ended with me giving Josh my dad's phone number and email address. But in my distraction, I accidentally gave him my mom's phone number instead...

April 23: My dad finally gives the final approval for us to be in a relationship.  The month and a half in-between was a hard, but good, experience.  The "unofficial" relationship I had so often despised in others was my own now, and what a humility lesson it was!  To be open about my feelings, hopes, dreams, but not too open...to wait, and yet still have a guy that I was in some sort of relationship with...it's a delicate balance.

We spent the summer communicating through letters and IMs.  Because of my class schedule, Josh's work schedule, and the time difference, we rarely talked in real time.  For an uncertain, brand-new relationship plagued by my insecurities about being in a relationship in general, Josh sure had a lot to put up with!  I returned from the summer not quite sure how our purposes aligned, and spent the first two weeks of school in serious prayer deciding whether or not marriage was a possibility and whether the relationship should be continued.  After watching Josh handle my confusion in a very serious, gentle, and wise way, I decided that perhaps we could work through our differences.

September 7, 2009:  Almost a year exactly after I first told him no, Josh asked me to officially court him. We held hands for the first time, and this is when Josh first told me that I loved him.  I didn't quite work up the nerve to reciprocate for a couple more days, but I broke down eventually.  :)

January 3, 2010: Less than a year ago, I visited Josh's family in Hawaii and promised to become Josh's wife.  The rest is history - at least for the courtship phase!  There was oh-so-much-more to be learned in the engagement phase, but that ended the uncertainty stage!

So that's the brief timeline, from beginning to the end of the beginning.  Hopefully that lays out a little more background of how our courtship looked.