Things they don't tell you about motherhood

1)  The eating like a teenage boy doesn't end - but neither does the metabolism.

In fact, if anything I have a bigger appetite now because my stomach isn't competing with a baby, placenta, and several pounds of extra fluid for storage space.

2) You can never be invisible again.

Josh noted the other day, "You know, I used to be invisible at stores and could just wander around without anyone noticing.  But now I have all these ladies coming up to me all the time and asking how old he is."  One old lady even told him, "Here, I'll give you my phone number and if you and your wife decide you don't want him, you can call me."

I think she was kidding...???

3)  You will cry.

Probably sometime between 11:00pm and 2:00am when your darling bundle won't go back to sleep.  Or possibly between 11:00am and 2:00pm when Mr. Fussbudget seems bent on not napping and all you want is lunch.  But one thing is for sure: it's probably related to sleep (or lack thereof).

4)  You will suddenly become the lightest sleeper known to man.

I've been known to sleep through fire alarms.  But one tiny baby cry and I'm jolted into consciousness.

5)  You will do anything to see that precious baby smile.


I love to put very reserved people in a room with a baby and watch them act like fools to get a baby to smile.  Then multiply that by ten for your own child.  I tried really, really hard to get a picture of the smile, but every time the camera showed up, curiosity reigned and that big toothless grin turned into a quizzical look.  But he's cute anyway:

6)  If people offer, ask for meals 3-6 weeks after baby comes.


Just as the help starts tapering off and your husband goes back to work, the adrenaline disappears, the sleep deprivation accumulates, and people start expecting you to show up to social events again.  A lovely woman from our church randomly sent us a meal yesterday.  That day, the toilet overflowed (leaving an inch of water on our bathroom floor), the shower curtain took a tumble, and the reflux monster reared its ugly head.  Throw in a hefty dose of no sleep, and that woman looked like an angel to me.

7)  You will wonder, in alternating waves, whether your child is extraordinarily gifted or whether there is something wrong with him.

Josh is convinced of the first because the baby knows how to rock his own rocking chair by kicking his legs.  I'm pretty sure the second isn't true, but at 2am, just about any explanation for why you're awake seems plausible.

8)  Poop becomes a completely natural part of your conversations with your spouse.  


Color, frequency, amount ("he had a three-squirter today").  Gross, but true.  There's a reason they tell new mothers to stay in the house for the first few week -- it's because they completely forget how to have a socially-acceptable conversation.

9)  You will still have time to yourself - but expect interruptions.


true, my expectations are low.  But I still have time to write blog posts, clean the house, and drool over online recipes.  I just never know when that time will be cut short, so I have to think twice before getting involved in big projects.

10)  Frustration is what you make of it.


You can either be completely frustrated or not even fazed when the baby doesn't take his nap.  A lot of it depends on what your expectations are.  The sling helps a lot on turning those napless mornings into great bonding moments.