Prince Charming

This article is a very short description of a very big problem.  You would think that, driven by Hollywood stories as it is, this would be predominant in the dating circles (and it is).  But courtship isn't exempt from the Prince Charming syndrome, either. In fact, in some ways, it goes even deeper because girls tend to think of courtship as a one-time chance.  So they wait to start a courtship until it's the perfect guy standing in front of them.

I had a friend in college who was very committed to her idea of her perfect mate.  He would come and they would instantly be attracted to each other. Her dad would love him.  Her little brothers and sisters would worship him.  Everyone would make comments to them- "Oh, you two are soooo perfect for each other!"  He would be manly - he would play football, basketball, and know how to fix cars.  He would be well-respected and friends with everyone.  He would be funny, sweet, and would be able to dance.

My friend was very cute, was fun-loving, and had no shortage of guys who were willing to call on her.  But she never gave them a chance.  She turned down multiple dates, dance invitations, and coffee outings.  As as I watched the guys who were being rejected, I saw quite a few that she got along with quite well.  That she respected and enjoyed.  That would be a good match.  But because of her ideal, she couldn't even  consider anyone else.

I wonder sometimes if she will ever get married.  It's not that no one would want to marry her - I know half a dozen guys who would love the chance.  It's that she'll never find what she's looking for, and she'll never "settle" for less.

Moms, you've got to help your girls understand this. There's no such thing as a "perfect" match - at least, not perfect in the way we picture it.  I always pictured myself marrying an introvert who liked to read, and we would be able to read together and talk about our favorite books.  I had to let go of that picture.  But I'm very happy.

Love isn't an irresistible attraction. It's not something you "just can't help."  You can choose to love someone, and you can choose to not love someone.  That's not to say you should marry someone you're not attracted to, but you shouldn't expect that attraction to be full and complete.  No matter who you marry, there will be areas of his personality and habits that you're just NOT attracted to.

But it's a choice - are you willing to let those expectations stand in the way of what can otherwise be a very healthy and happy relationship?