A lot of my ideas about courtship formed while I was in high school. It was very easy to let them form, too - I was very withdrawn and didn't have many guy friends (actually, I didn't have all that many friends in general, so it wasn't really about the guys), so there wasn't much to keep me from thinking that my courtship would be ideal. Ironically, the one thing that helped me make guy friends was playing Josie Pye in Anne of Green Gables. All that flirting gave me something to laugh about with the guys! And since I almost never appeared on stage with other girls, I usually ended up having my backstage waits/practice sessions with the guys.
The next year, starting debate, I found myself spending most of my friend time with the two guys in debate with me, and we quickly became fast friends. Still, the fact that we were the three amigos meant that I never had the answer the question: what do you do about one-on-one time with guys that are just friends? Are you putting yourself in an awkward situation? This was never something that came up for me in high school.
As I've been thinking about this, I've been hard-pressed to come up with an answer because the experience in college is completely different. At an age where marriage suddenly becomes an imminent possibility, things change. But there are a few basic principles that I'd like to point out before I get back to thinking about it.
- First things first: the parents are the authority. So as a high school girl, if the parents want limited interactions with guys, then you've just got to trust that God will work through that.
- Preparation for marriage begins from birth. Even toddlers are getting ideas about what marriage looks like from their parents. So even high schoolers who will not be in a relationship until ready for marriage shouldn't block it completely from their consciousness. It's okay to identify characteristics in guys that you want to see. It's okay to be thinking about marriage in high school. It is NOT okay to obsess about it, or to let anything distract you from joy in Christ.
- In all things, your goal is to treat others with God's love. Ignoring them is not okay. Neither is hanging out exclusively with other girls, giggling and acting silly (which tends to make guys uncomfortable). Not that it's wrong to be silly -- but we do owe others the courtesy of saving those moments when we're alone with our friends!
- Common sense - if you're not in a relationship, why would you lead someone to think that you were? Why would you encourage someone to think they were in one with you? At times, I did run errands or spend time talking with various guy friends, but the focus was not in spending time together, but in serving someone else. On the few occasions I ended up at coffee or grabbing a bite to eat with a guy friend, it wasn't because we had sought to be alone together. It was because our moms were together and we had time to kill, or we had both been sent to pick up siblings from an event that was running late, or something similar. And those times were great, and I strengthened my friendships with these great brothers of mine. But notice the emphasis was NOT on spending exclusive time together.
Just a few thoughts, to be yet pondered and expanded. Feel free to make comments/ask for clarification.
Priscilla, was there anything that you read or heard that helped you solidify courtship in your mind? Including historical fiction novels with books on the theory of courtship? Was there a catch phrase that stuck in your head? An off-handed comment? A devotional book? Scripture? Sorry, just trying to probe at what made you even think about it in your high school years.
ReplyDeleteI read "I kissed Dating Goodbye," but I really wish that wasn't where I started thinking about it. I came out with the completely wrong idea of relationships.
ReplyDeleteIf I could pick how I learned about courtship, it would have been from a mentor who could offer more balanced advice. No one I know that determined to practice courtship because of a book has been happy with their thoughts, ideals, and attitudes prior to their relationship.