Wednesday, April 17, 2013

How to Post About your Kids on Facebook and Not Have People Unfriend You

Disclaimer: clearly, this does not refer to blogs.  When people come to blogs, they are giving the blogger the floor.  So don't go scolding to me about how many of my blog posts contain the word "poop."

EDIT:  How do you know is you should go through this list before posting?  Here's the test: Are your only two Facebook friends your child's two grandmothers?
     YES - post it, poop and all!
     NO - go to 1.

1.  Is this your first post or picture about your child?
     YES – then what are you doing puttering around here for?  You obviously have a newborn and should go post pictures!
     NO – go to 2.

2.  Does your post include the word “Poop” in it?
     YES – go to 3
     NO – go to 5

3.  Does post include a picture of this poop?
     YES – don’t post it.
     NO – go to 4.

4.  Have any of your last 50 posts also included the word “poop”?
     YES – don’t post it.
     NO – go to 13.  Then come back and go to 5. 

5.  Is this post an album with fifty pictures of your baby in the same pose with subtly different facial expressions?
     YES – don’t post it.
     NO – go to 6.

6.  In your last fifteen posts, do any of them not talk about your child?
     YES – go to 7
     NO – don’t post it.

7.  Is the purpose of this post to brag (implicitly or explicitly) about how advanced your child is for his/her age?
     YES – don’t post it.
     NO – go to 8

8.  Does your post include complaints about your child’s misdeeds?
     YES – don’t post it.
     NO – go to  9

9.  Is this post about how tired you are?
     YES – go to 10
     NO – go to 11

10.  In your last ten posts, have any of them been about how tired you are?
     YES – don’t post it.
     NO – go to 11

11.  Is this a naked baby picture?
     YES – don’t post it.
     NO – go to 12.

12.  Does your post refer to the graphic details of pregnancy and/or childbirth?
     YES - go to 13
     NO – go to 14


13.  Are there friends on your friends list who you are trying to convince to have children?
     YES – don’t post it.
     NO – go to 14.


14.  Wait 30 minutes.

      GO TO 15.

15.  Was it so cute/adorable/memorable that you still remember it?
     YES – post it.
     NO – don’t post it.

Finis

P.S.  This should be a flowchart, I know.  But I made it approximately five minutes into the flowchart making process before I gave up. 

4 comments:

  1. I would like to point out that number 5 should not apply to grandmas! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. And THAT's why there's a pre-test! Grandmas are always happy to see any pictures.

    Or do you mean that Grandmas are not subject to the same rules on what to post?

    ReplyDelete