Wait. Where did that month go?
Or maybe the more accurate question would be, "wait, where did that blog go?" It got lost in the day-to-day whirlwind that is preparing for the fall. So I present to you, in five parts: Our July. It turned into a multi-theme month that is cultivating a lot of good habits.
FLYing all the way home
July has been a "get-the-apartment-in-order" month, Flylady style. Yes, the bane of our existence growing up who was always making us throw away old toys has been this month's theme as we prepare for our move.
It's been great. Not only is the apartment in apple-pie order, but we've gotten rid of so much junk. All those baggy clothes, old t-shirts in excess, single earrings, kitchenware that we have duplicates of, all those ratty old college twin bedsets - gone. Woohoo. I even got Josh to part with his terrible bright yellow and red tie.
Plus, we're practically packed for the move. Everything we're not planning on using in the next three weeks is packed away, labelled, and color-coded by room. So this is going to be a pretty easy move, I think, and all because we're spending ten minutes a day on preparations.
Returning to my first "love"
I compiled my book list for "books to get through while Josh is in grad school". There's about 90 books on my list, and so far this month I've read three. Currently I am working on "The Little Prince" in Spanish. After the post-college burnout, I read a little bit, but not a whole lot. Now I've remembered what it is to love reading again, and to spend hours curled up with a book. And Josh is reading right along with me!
Staying fit and having fun
Each day we are spending 15-20 minutes working out. Three days a week this means cardio workouts - running, roller blading, ultimate frisbee, tennis. The other days it means strength training + easy cardio - walking, cleaning, etc. But the rule is to not let them be a "workout", but to be fun. We're playing tennis during our lunch break once a week, and now we're hitting the trails on roller blades on weekends. :)
A surprise improvement
Since I was about 9 and running track, I have always gotten a lot of headaches. I blamed this on computer time, allergies, sleep deprivation...all of the above. I never in a million years suspected dehydration, because I drink a lot of water. I carry a water bottle with me at all times and sip from it all day, drinking almost nothing else. For the past three years, I've been drinking the recommended amount of water of 64oz. a day - in fact, a little more.
So I thought my headaches weren't related to dehydration at all. But then early this month, I decided to drink until at no point during the day I was thirsty. If I'm thirsty, I drink until I no longer want anything to drink.
On the first day, I drank three liters (~101 ozs).
So for a week, I put three rubber bands on my water bottle and took one off each time I drank a liter.
NO HEADACHES!
All that time, I thought I was getting enough water because I was drinking the "recommended" amount. Turns out my body needs more water than that - just like it needs more sleep than the average person (yes, my body wants 10 hours of sleep to be truly happy). Now I'm drinking 3-4 liters a day, and I feel so much better.
So the moral of the story is you're probably dehydrated right now. Go drink some water.
A new era
Josh and I made a commitment that for the first year of our marriage, we would intentionally avoid making too many commitments and instead really focus on intentionally getting to know each other. And that year is over. It's been wonderful.
Josh starts grad school next month and we'll have less time together. If that had happened last fall, I feel certain our marriage would have been much less fun. I will miss him like crazy on those nights he is gone, but at least I know we had a fabulous year where our first priority was simply to get used to being married.
August: the Demise of the Photo Faker
So yes, Mom, I'm a photo faker. Maybe it was growing up with a mom who has a camera bag permanently attached to her shoulder. But I don't take pictures. Ever. If something noteworthy happens, someone else has a camera, right? And they'll post them on facebook, because that's all people do with pictures now anyway.
Next month, my theme will be to take a picture a day. And to post it. So it will be a blog post a day. Another two-fer. :)
That's all for now! A nice long post to make up for not posting ever. :P
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Change of Plans...
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...the music theme was scrapped within a couple days and the Josh theme is in. Which means that this month, I am working on learning/experiencing more of Josh's hobbies and tastes. This includes but is not limited to:
-reading Zorro
-learning the game he plays with his miniatures (lotr based, of course)
-probably learning to play Battlestar Galatica
-watching the Cosby show and Muppet clips
-etc.
You might call it getting in touch with my inner nerd/adventurer. We might even pick up Star Wars from the library.
Anyway, the change due to a lot of news that we received all in the same week and that is causing considerable stress to Josh. Therefore, I'm trying to help him be distracted/relaxed at home in the evenings.
In other news:
-we will be moving late July/early August. Possibly to West Virginia (barely, but still. Yay car registration and new licenses). Where we will go, we're not sure, but we are definitely going to move, and definitely moving out of our current town.
-no scholarships have come through yet - please pray that the necessary funding for grad school comes through. We have two and a half months to come up with the first semester's amount.
-the required course, which Josh was told last year he could transfer in b/c the professor teaches the class both at our alma mater and Josh's grad school, cannot be transferred in. Therefore, he ended up adding a class (only offered in the fall and a pre-req to most of the other classes) to his schedule and will be in class on MTW from 6:30-9:30 next fall, after an eight hour workday and before a 1.5 hour commute home. This will however, hopefully be the last 3-class semester.*
*We are appealing to the professor to convince the registrar to let Josh transfer it in. Pray it goes well...
-in preparation for a move (and to get all our we-hate-making-decisions-but-have-to-do-it energy out), we performed a massive purge and our den is now 1/4 full of stuff we are selling/giving away/throwing out.
And that's all for now! We're both doing well, and actually...now that we've gone through the purge, we're both excited to move (we're ready to move now!). And this is really the first time we've had to make the tough decisions as a married couple, so I feel like it's been a worthwhile growing experience. :)
-reading Zorro
-learning the game he plays with his miniatures (lotr based, of course)
-probably learning to play Battlestar Galatica
-watching the Cosby show and Muppet clips
-etc.
You might call it getting in touch with my inner nerd/adventurer. We might even pick up Star Wars from the library.
Anyway, the change due to a lot of news that we received all in the same week and that is causing considerable stress to Josh. Therefore, I'm trying to help him be distracted/relaxed at home in the evenings.
In other news:
-we will be moving late July/early August. Possibly to West Virginia (barely, but still. Yay car registration and new licenses). Where we will go, we're not sure, but we are definitely going to move, and definitely moving out of our current town.
-no scholarships have come through yet - please pray that the necessary funding for grad school comes through. We have two and a half months to come up with the first semester's amount.
-the required course, which Josh was told last year he could transfer in b/c the professor teaches the class both at our alma mater and Josh's grad school, cannot be transferred in. Therefore, he ended up adding a class (only offered in the fall and a pre-req to most of the other classes) to his schedule and will be in class on MTW from 6:30-9:30 next fall, after an eight hour workday and before a 1.5 hour commute home. This will however, hopefully be the last 3-class semester.*
*We are appealing to the professor to convince the registrar to let Josh transfer it in. Pray it goes well...
-in preparation for a move (and to get all our we-hate-making-decisions-but-have-to-do-it energy out), we performed a massive purge and our den is now 1/4 full of stuff we are selling/giving away/throwing out.
And that's all for now! We're both doing well, and actually...now that we've gone through the purge, we're both excited to move (we're ready to move now!). And this is really the first time we've had to make the tough decisions as a married couple, so I feel like it's been a worthwhile growing experience. :)
Friday, June 10, 2011
A Belated Anniversary Post
On Monday, the day we celebrated our first anniversary, my co-worker returned to work from his honeymoon. He was on the phone when his bride came in to eat lunch with him, so I was chatting with her while she waited.
He got off the phone. He turned. He saw her. He jumped up. "It's soo good to see you!" he gushed, wrapping her in his arms and kissing her. She returned the embrace and then turned to smile apologetically at me. "This is the longest we've been apart since we got married." And then turned back into his arms, thrilled that the four-hour wait was finally over.
I had to smile - and then I was thinking about the year of marriage that Josh and I have shared together. We're not the gushy honeymooners anymore (okay, not as gushy). But part of me expected that to be a sad realization, like we had fallen "out-of-love". Yet it was rather a joyful realization.
We don't have that warm-fuzzy-feeling-everytime-I-see-you feeling as often anymore, but in its place is something a thousand times more precious. We've gained trust.
Not that we didn't trust each other before. But the trust that comes from living and loving together is unique. Special. Intimate. I trust Josh to care for me, to tell me when there's something on his mind, to apologize when something goes wrong and to rebuke me when that something is me. I trust him to take the time to talk through disagreements and to set down the impulse purchase and to cherish me and to do everything he can to provide for me.
Josh trusts me to be a good steward of his provisions, to be honest but supportive, to look at both sides of an issue, and to see things with as objective a perspective as possible. We both trust each other to treat ourselves as the other's possession, and to treat the other as ourselves.
We have disagreements and sometimes one of us (um....me) will try to get out of doing the dishes and there are dirty clothes on the floor. It's all the things that society tells us are those little things that make marriage impossible.
But we trust each other to be married. We trust each other to love and to cherish, to honor and obey, as long as we both shall live.
And that's not the starry newlywed view, where you hope and you trust in their good character. It's the experience that you can only get by knowing another.
And that is what our first year of marriage has been all about.
He got off the phone. He turned. He saw her. He jumped up. "It's soo good to see you!" he gushed, wrapping her in his arms and kissing her. She returned the embrace and then turned to smile apologetically at me. "This is the longest we've been apart since we got married." And then turned back into his arms, thrilled that the four-hour wait was finally over.
I had to smile - and then I was thinking about the year of marriage that Josh and I have shared together. We're not the gushy honeymooners anymore (okay, not as gushy). But part of me expected that to be a sad realization, like we had fallen "out-of-love". Yet it was rather a joyful realization.
We don't have that warm-fuzzy-feeling-everytime-I-see-you feeling as often anymore, but in its place is something a thousand times more precious. We've gained trust.
Not that we didn't trust each other before. But the trust that comes from living and loving together is unique. Special. Intimate. I trust Josh to care for me, to tell me when there's something on his mind, to apologize when something goes wrong and to rebuke me when that something is me. I trust him to take the time to talk through disagreements and to set down the impulse purchase and to cherish me and to do everything he can to provide for me.
Josh trusts me to be a good steward of his provisions, to be honest but supportive, to look at both sides of an issue, and to see things with as objective a perspective as possible. We both trust each other to treat ourselves as the other's possession, and to treat the other as ourselves.
We have disagreements and sometimes one of us (um....me) will try to get out of doing the dishes and there are dirty clothes on the floor. It's all the things that society tells us are those little things that make marriage impossible.
But we trust each other to be married. We trust each other to love and to cherish, to honor and obey, as long as we both shall live.
And that's not the starry newlywed view, where you hope and you trust in their good character. It's the experience that you can only get by knowing another.
And that is what our first year of marriage has been all about.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
My Smaller Vocabulary
Sometimes I feel like being a young married has robbed me of the meaning of some of my favorite vocabulary words. For example:
Me in May 2010: "Oh my goodness....I'm sooooo hungry all the time lately. I can't wait for lunch!"
Friend 1: "Haha yeah, me too! Sitting in class really works up my appetite! Wanna go grab lunch now?"
Friend 2: "In the meantime, have some almonds!"
Me now: "Oh my goodness....I'm sooooo hungry all the time lately. I can't wait for lunch!"
Friend 1: *casts furtive glance to friend2*
Friend 2: *timidly* "You're...hungry? ALL the time? Are you.... *whispers* eating for two?"
Me: *sigh*
Me in May 2010: "Oh, I'd really love some oranges right now. I've been craving them lately."
Friend 1: "Hmmm, you must be low in vitamin C. Here, have a vitamin."
Me now: "Oh, I'd really love some oranges right now. I've been craving them lately."
Friend 1: "OHMYGOSH YOU'RE HAVING CRAVINGS?!?!?!?!?"
Me in May 2010: *baby toddles by* "Awww, how cute"
Friend 1: "Awwwwww....look at those little ringlets!"
Friend 2: "I just want to pick her up and squeeze her!"
Me now: *baby toddles by* "Awww, how cute"
*awkward silence*
Friend 1: "so....you want any of your own?"
Friend 2: "Are you trying to tell us something?"
Me in May 1020: "Ugh, breakfast just didn't sit right in my stomach. I don't feel so great."
Friend: "Aw, I'm sorry...why don't you lay down until chapel?"
Me now: "Ugh, breakfast just didn't sit right in my stomach. I don't feel so great."
Friend: "You're.....SICK? In...the MORNING???"
The ironic thing is that most likely, when I AM thinking of announcing something, but am not quite ready to make that announcement or am not quite sure, I will probably be avoiding all suggestive terms. So the fact that I am telling you about my cravings should indicate that I am NOT craving pickles and ice cream.
Until then, I'll just have to deal with the sudden interest in all things relating to my appetite, my opinion of children, and anytime I'm just not feeling well.
Me in May 2010: "Oh my goodness....I'm sooooo hungry all the time lately. I can't wait for lunch!"
Friend 1: "Haha yeah, me too! Sitting in class really works up my appetite! Wanna go grab lunch now?"
Friend 2: "In the meantime, have some almonds!"
Me now: "Oh my goodness....I'm sooooo hungry all the time lately. I can't wait for lunch!"
Friend 1: *casts furtive glance to friend2*
Friend 2: *timidly* "You're...hungry? ALL the time? Are you.... *whispers* eating for two?"
Me: *sigh*
Me in May 2010: "Oh, I'd really love some oranges right now. I've been craving them lately."
Friend 1: "Hmmm, you must be low in vitamin C. Here, have a vitamin."
Me now: "Oh, I'd really love some oranges right now. I've been craving them lately."
Friend 1: "OHMYGOSH YOU'RE HAVING CRAVINGS?!?!?!?!?"
Me in May 2010: *baby toddles by* "Awww, how cute"
Friend 1: "Awwwwww....look at those little ringlets!"
Friend 2: "I just want to pick her up and squeeze her!"
Me now: *baby toddles by* "Awww, how cute"
*awkward silence*
Friend 1: "so....you want any of your own?"
Friend 2: "Are you trying to tell us something?"
Me in May 1020: "Ugh, breakfast just didn't sit right in my stomach. I don't feel so great."
Friend: "Aw, I'm sorry...why don't you lay down until chapel?"
Me now: "Ugh, breakfast just didn't sit right in my stomach. I don't feel so great."
Friend: "You're.....SICK? In...the MORNING???"
The ironic thing is that most likely, when I AM thinking of announcing something, but am not quite ready to make that announcement or am not quite sure, I will probably be avoiding all suggestive terms. So the fact that I am telling you about my cravings should indicate that I am NOT craving pickles and ice cream.
Until then, I'll just have to deal with the sudden interest in all things relating to my appetite, my opinion of children, and anytime I'm just not feeling well.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Conflict Resolution
One of the things that strikes me as a very obvious weakness in couples today is conflict resolution. It's obvious, it's a chronic problem through the generations, it's in every marriage handbook. Instant gratification is a big part of it - no one knows how to deny themselves anymore. And compromise almost always involves that.
But even more than that, I think the mark of a couple that can live together well is how they solve conflicts outside of themselves. What happens when there's a potentially sticky situation that needs to be decided? I find that many conflicts between young couples are actually rooted in a fear of conflicts with others.
For example, what happens when you have to make a decision based on someone's expectation of you? Does your fear of confrontation from the other person overpower your fear of confrontation with your spouse?
I would suggest that in most cases it does. At some point, you ceased to be concerned with your reputation to your spouse. Let them think what they will - they know your every flaw anyway. But there remains a concern for what other people think, and so we still want to live up to their expectation. Thus, we may make choices to please others, rather than serve our marriage to our best ability.
Conflict resolution skills are important not just in your marriage, but for your marriage. Being able to handle disappointing other people, being able to handle momentary tension in those relationships, will help maintain unity in a marriage in those times where you just have to make tough decisions.
It's been one of those days for us. I've always considered myself to be a highly non-confrontational person. Yet I am finding more and more that in my generation (and in the workplace!), I'm actually more willing to confront than most. I am also finding out that setting boundaries with others in areas that could affect the time and energy that I can spend with my husband is a worthwhile investment and peace-maker.
I've heard that conflict resolution is a big issue with many young marrieds. But I'm realizing that for us, a lot of conflicts can be avoided by resolving things with other people.
But even more than that, I think the mark of a couple that can live together well is how they solve conflicts outside of themselves. What happens when there's a potentially sticky situation that needs to be decided? I find that many conflicts between young couples are actually rooted in a fear of conflicts with others.
For example, what happens when you have to make a decision based on someone's expectation of you? Does your fear of confrontation from the other person overpower your fear of confrontation with your spouse?
I would suggest that in most cases it does. At some point, you ceased to be concerned with your reputation to your spouse. Let them think what they will - they know your every flaw anyway. But there remains a concern for what other people think, and so we still want to live up to their expectation. Thus, we may make choices to please others, rather than serve our marriage to our best ability.
Conflict resolution skills are important not just in your marriage, but for your marriage. Being able to handle disappointing other people, being able to handle momentary tension in those relationships, will help maintain unity in a marriage in those times where you just have to make tough decisions.
It's been one of those days for us. I've always considered myself to be a highly non-confrontational person. Yet I am finding more and more that in my generation (and in the workplace!), I'm actually more willing to confront than most. I am also finding out that setting boundaries with others in areas that could affect the time and energy that I can spend with my husband is a worthwhile investment and peace-maker.
I've heard that conflict resolution is a big issue with many young marrieds. But I'm realizing that for us, a lot of conflicts can be avoided by resolving things with other people.
Friday, January 7, 2011
A Sad Realization..
I've had a very sobering couple of weeks after a series of conversations. I find myself giving marriage advice...out of the wealth of seven months of experience. I ought to be the one seeking advice, not offering it!
A friend approached concerned about a couple that is close to her. They married two months after us, and already are considering splitting up. It came as a shock to my system. Four months of marriage and giving up- I cannot even comprehend! What has for me been a supremely happy time has for them been misery.
Don't get me wrong, I've found marriage to have all sorts of....shall I call them "stretching experiences"? I've learned a lot both about Josh and myself (and about his twin, coincidentally). But the good has ALWAYS overpowered the bad, and so the hard parts have been completely and utterly worth it.
Yet to be blissfully in love on the day of your wedding and on the verge of disaster before it's even been half a year....
And yet again, I am painfully aware that my generation is emotionally and relationally stunted.
What's the problem? And how do we help solve it?
A friend approached concerned about a couple that is close to her. They married two months after us, and already are considering splitting up. It came as a shock to my system. Four months of marriage and giving up- I cannot even comprehend! What has for me been a supremely happy time has for them been misery.
Don't get me wrong, I've found marriage to have all sorts of....shall I call them "stretching experiences"? I've learned a lot both about Josh and myself (and about his twin, coincidentally). But the good has ALWAYS overpowered the bad, and so the hard parts have been completely and utterly worth it.
Yet to be blissfully in love on the day of your wedding and on the verge of disaster before it's even been half a year....
And yet again, I am painfully aware that my generation is emotionally and relationally stunted.
What's the problem? And how do we help solve it?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
The Art of the Commonplace: Marriage
I was jogging this morning when I caught a glimpse of the sparkly wonder that is my engagement ring. When I exercise, or do anything that involves getting dirty, I remove all my jewelry and nice clothes in favor of grungier, less valuable things. And yet this most valuable possession of mine is always with me, whatever it is that I'm doing (excluding activities that may end up in no ring at all, like swimming at the beach!). It's beautiful -- and not the type of thing I think of when I hear the words "jogging apparel."
And yet, there is goes with me as I run. It is a mystery, a treasure, living in the routine that is everyday life. It is beauty and wonder and love taking part in ordinary, commonplace tasks like vacuuming and chopping onions and taking out the trash.
What a symbol of marriage! A sacred institution of God, translated into everyday banalities and ordinary life. It is a mystery, a picture of Christ and the church, a joining of two separate lives into one indistinguishable entity. But it is also doing the dishes and watching a movie and talking through the monthly budget. We fail to see the mystery because it is obscured by the all-too-obvious, but the mystery remains to be pondered.
Which, by the way, reminds me of something our pastor was preaching on in Revelation 21. The Church is compared to a jasper stone, which apparently is a gem very similar to a diamond. Our pastor used the point to illustrate the glory of the church as a reflection of Christ's glory (because diamonds reflect light), but that got me to thinking again about my engagement ring. This ring, a symbol of Josh's love for me and the worth that I have to him, is only a tiny picture of the value that the Church is to the Lamb. Josh's investment in the ring signified his willingness to provide for me, to financially commit to me. How much more has Christ committed to His own diamond, His Church! How much He paid first to buy it, then to refine, cut, and set it so it would be ready to reflect His glory.
And yet, there is goes with me as I run. It is a mystery, a treasure, living in the routine that is everyday life. It is beauty and wonder and love taking part in ordinary, commonplace tasks like vacuuming and chopping onions and taking out the trash.
What a symbol of marriage! A sacred institution of God, translated into everyday banalities and ordinary life. It is a mystery, a picture of Christ and the church, a joining of two separate lives into one indistinguishable entity. But it is also doing the dishes and watching a movie and talking through the monthly budget. We fail to see the mystery because it is obscured by the all-too-obvious, but the mystery remains to be pondered.
Which, by the way, reminds me of something our pastor was preaching on in Revelation 21. The Church is compared to a jasper stone, which apparently is a gem very similar to a diamond. Our pastor used the point to illustrate the glory of the church as a reflection of Christ's glory (because diamonds reflect light), but that got me to thinking again about my engagement ring. This ring, a symbol of Josh's love for me and the worth that I have to him, is only a tiny picture of the value that the Church is to the Lamb. Josh's investment in the ring signified his willingness to provide for me, to financially commit to me. How much more has Christ committed to His own diamond, His Church! How much He paid first to buy it, then to refine, cut, and set it so it would be ready to reflect His glory.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Purity: Not Just for Yourself
It seems to me that the evangelical church overemphasizes some reasons for purity in teenagers. The main argument being made is that if you do not save yourself for marriage, then someday you are going to get married and be ashamed. That the reason for purity is so that you can be wholly your husband's (or wife's), and not have any past lovers to compare/be compared to in bed.
No wonder so many evangelical teens are hopping into bed! If this is their reason for remaining a virgin, then why stay pure when you meet the person you're sure you are going marry? Even more, what about once you're engaged? You have a promise already -- so if you're only saving yourself for your future spouse's sake, what's the harm? Why should the night before the wedding be different from the night of the wedding? The promise has already been made and waits only for formalization before witnesses.
No indeed, to be surprised at immorality among Christian couples, we would have to be hopelessly naive. We have offered teens a self-centered reason to stay pure, without any deeper explanation. If they remain virgins, we promise them only the ability to avoid guilt. We ask them to mortify their bodies for the sake of...what? Future pleasure? If that's the reason, and they can avoid the guilt, why shouldn't they have pleasure now? And then we throw a cherry on top and tell them that God says so, because He wants to protect them from shame.
Yes, God says so. But it's not all about us (that's just an added side benefit). God yearns jealously for us and wants us to sanctify our bodies for His service (Romans 12:1-2). He wants the virgin to be wholly occupied with pleasing God, not a man who she thinks will be her husband. If we want Christian teens to be significantly different from their peers in the area of sexual activity, then we need to stop giving poor explanation and get down to the root of the issue.
God wants the unmarried to remain pure because their focus needs to be on God (I Corinthians 7). The point is NOT the number of girlfriends that a guy will be shamefully remembering on his wedding day (an argument which, by the way, leads to a huge error in the courtship camp). The point is that purity is from God. He still loves the harlot (as in Hosea), but He longs for His bride to be characterized by chastity. He longs for those whom He has called to be single, and who are single for a short while longer, to be devoted to Him as Paul was.
Our kids coming through the churches today need to understand that sexual purity is not something that is good because it will save them from hurt. They need to understand that sexual purity is good because God has decreed it to be so, for His service, and that they will be hurt by fornication BECAUSE it is bad.
A convincing argument? No, for an unbeliever. But it is the only true justification for sexual purity. Without God's jealousy for us, there is no reason for a teen or fiancee to remain pure.
And as for what makes the night before the wedding different from the wedding night? Vows are taken before God, and it is He who joins together. Up until that time, when man and woman become one not through their own strength but through a divine calling, "the Lord is your husband."
No wonder so many evangelical teens are hopping into bed! If this is their reason for remaining a virgin, then why stay pure when you meet the person you're sure you are going marry? Even more, what about once you're engaged? You have a promise already -- so if you're only saving yourself for your future spouse's sake, what's the harm? Why should the night before the wedding be different from the night of the wedding? The promise has already been made and waits only for formalization before witnesses.
No indeed, to be surprised at immorality among Christian couples, we would have to be hopelessly naive. We have offered teens a self-centered reason to stay pure, without any deeper explanation. If they remain virgins, we promise them only the ability to avoid guilt. We ask them to mortify their bodies for the sake of...what? Future pleasure? If that's the reason, and they can avoid the guilt, why shouldn't they have pleasure now? And then we throw a cherry on top and tell them that God says so, because He wants to protect them from shame.
Yes, God says so. But it's not all about us (that's just an added side benefit). God yearns jealously for us and wants us to sanctify our bodies for His service (Romans 12:1-2). He wants the virgin to be wholly occupied with pleasing God, not a man who she thinks will be her husband. If we want Christian teens to be significantly different from their peers in the area of sexual activity, then we need to stop giving poor explanation and get down to the root of the issue.
God wants the unmarried to remain pure because their focus needs to be on God (I Corinthians 7). The point is NOT the number of girlfriends that a guy will be shamefully remembering on his wedding day (an argument which, by the way, leads to a huge error in the courtship camp). The point is that purity is from God. He still loves the harlot (as in Hosea), but He longs for His bride to be characterized by chastity. He longs for those whom He has called to be single, and who are single for a short while longer, to be devoted to Him as Paul was.
Our kids coming through the churches today need to understand that sexual purity is not something that is good because it will save them from hurt. They need to understand that sexual purity is good because God has decreed it to be so, for His service, and that they will be hurt by fornication BECAUSE it is bad.
A convincing argument? No, for an unbeliever. But it is the only true justification for sexual purity. Without God's jealousy for us, there is no reason for a teen or fiancee to remain pure.
And as for what makes the night before the wedding different from the wedding night? Vows are taken before God, and it is He who joins together. Up until that time, when man and woman become one not through their own strength but through a divine calling, "the Lord is your husband."
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Weddings and Community
Why are wedding days such a big deal? I often ponder the question. There are a lot of ceremonies, but none of them as big as a wedding.
But then, what does a wedding symbolize? The creation of a family. And what is a family? The cornerstone of society, the basis for community, the context of the individual. Without the family, society ceases to exist and disappears into the ominous shadow of Government.
Marriage may seem like a private agreement between two individuals, or for a Christian, between two individuals and God. But it is more than that -- it is an agreement between the couple and the community. The couple is promising to perpetuate society and to take part in the community. Community is promising to provide a setting in which the couple can raise the family.
Then as Louis de Bonald said, the marriage covenant is between not only the man and the woman, but also between the unborn child(ren). The family exists for the child; the child exists because of the family.
Weddings, as much as they have been overblown and exaggerated, are a big deal because they are a chance for the community to share in the marriage. They are a chance for the couple to participate in the community. It is a seal between man and wife and society, for better or for worse.
But then, what does a wedding symbolize? The creation of a family. And what is a family? The cornerstone of society, the basis for community, the context of the individual. Without the family, society ceases to exist and disappears into the ominous shadow of Government.
Marriage may seem like a private agreement between two individuals, or for a Christian, between two individuals and God. But it is more than that -- it is an agreement between the couple and the community. The couple is promising to perpetuate society and to take part in the community. Community is promising to provide a setting in which the couple can raise the family.
Then as Louis de Bonald said, the marriage covenant is between not only the man and the woman, but also between the unborn child(ren). The family exists for the child; the child exists because of the family.
Weddings, as much as they have been overblown and exaggerated, are a big deal because they are a chance for the community to share in the marriage. They are a chance for the couple to participate in the community. It is a seal between man and wife and society, for better or for worse.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)