Grace-filled parenting

Here's a not-so-"sorta" for you.  The area where passion is a must.  One that's really been on my mind a lot.

How do you emulate grace for your children?  How do you help them value integrity and good behavior without making it the end-all?  How do you provide consistent consequences for wrong actions while still avoiding legalism?

I am amazed at how many churched young people have no concept of grace.  And yet...I had a majorly convicting realization the other day.

As he usually does, Josh asked me how my day had been.  "Oh, it was a bad day.  He was sooo fussy and just wanted to be held all the time, and his naptimes were way too short."  And then I stopped.  And I realized something.

 I am already parenting without grace.  I am already basing my evaluation of my child on how well his performance matches up to my expectations.

Ouch.  Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Now if spiritual Kanani were parenting, her focus wouldn't be simply on his behavior, or even distinguishing between "good" and "bad" days..  The quality of the day would be based on my ability to attend to my baby's deepest (and not-so-deep) needs.

And one of those deepest needs is the need to know that my love of him is not based on his behavior.

But what does that look like?  It doesn't seem that complicated with infants.  They're not willfully defying you.   When parenting infants, grace means your main concern is the reason behind the performance.  Loving your baby and truly desiring to meet his needs, without getting frustrated that you're in the church lobby with an overstimulated baby AGAIN while your friend's baby happily lets mom sit through the service.  After all, he didn't choose to be overstimulated.

But what does that look like when children are old enough to willfully defy you?  You still have to provide consequences.  You still have to help them learn how to behave.

So how do you do that?

I know there are a couple core principles:

-First, I have to extend grace to myself (and my husband!) first.  If the kids see me beating myself up, they will get the idea that perfection is the goal.

-Second, I have to strive to understand why they are behaving in a particular way.  Sometimes punishment might not be the most effective way to address a hurting heart.

-Third, I have to be generous with expressions of my love for them - and when I tell them why I love them, the focus should not be on performance-based criteria.

-Fourth, when punishments are necessary, they should be based on the misbehavior itself, rather than on my disappointment with them.  Another reason to decide beforehand how we are going to address specific problems: so that our punishments do not reflect our emotional reaction to a child, say, misbehaving in front of an acquaintance that we wanted to impress.

But I still need help in what this looks like on a practical level.  I'm serious when I say that I really want (need) feedback.  How do you show your children grace without teaching them licentiousness?

Why Smatterings?

Why name my blog smatterings? I am ever more deeply reminded of why I chose that name as I wrestle with the memories of my courtship experience and how to extract, clarify, condense, and explain the many lessons I learned.

"Smatterings" is defined as "a small, scattered amount or number," or "slight or superficial knowledge." He speaks a smattering of French. She has a smattering of of freckles.  There is a smattering of left-handed people.


There is a difference between being smart, being intelligent, and being wise. Smartness is head knowledge.  You can be street-smart, a smart mathematician, smart in geography.  It means you know a lot and retain information.  My (big) little brother is smart in sports stats.


Intelligence is how quickly you learn.  An intelligent person picks up on systems and patterns and organizes information in a way to be able to retain it -- or at the very least, to know how to find it again.  Intelligence allows you to grasp concepts and see possibilities that mere knowledge wouldn't allow.  In short, "smartness" is an information collection and intelligence is the system by which that information is processed; the efficiency of the system affects the speed at which it can be processed.  Thus, intelligent people are generally smart, but we all know that is not always the case. :P


Without wisdom, however, they both are useless.  Wisdom allows you to apply that information to life situations.  It allows you to view information through the light of abstract concepts.  It allows you to bring information to a moral conclusion.  It allows you to choose to overlook certain facts.  It is wisdom that allows you to someone as an immortal soul.


With so much involved in learning, it is no wonder that most people only have a smattering of knowledge and even less have wisdom.  I am deeply aware that the more I read, the more I learn, the more I comprehend, I have only scratched the surface. But it is also deeply impressed in me the minor importance of intelligence and smartness compared to wisdom.  The first two are limited: no matter how much knowledge you gain, you will always be ignorant.  There will always be subjects you don't even know exist. There will always be updates that makes your knowledge obsolete. 


Wisdom, however, is timeless.  But it, even more than the others, is a choice. You must choose to comprehend.  You must make the effort to process your information in a way that increases wisdom.  And you must decide to seek the source.


Like the others, it's an eternal search on this earth.  You will never be all-wise.  But unlike the others, wisdom never stops benefiting you.  It is never outdated.


So..."Smatterings."  I will only ever have a smattering of knowledge. But it is my intention to take those smatterings and process them in a way that gives a deeper comprehension. It is my choice to use those smatterings in the search for the good, the true, and the beautiful.

Heaven on Earth

Josh and I are going through Philippians together and last night covered Philippians 2.  Philippians is a generally good book, but what stood out to me last night was verse 15:

"that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world."


The reference to lights of the world reminded me not only of the oft-quoted verse in Matthew 5, but also of Daniel 12:3:

"And those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever."


Daniel is talking about the end of time, a prophecy of the resurrection of believers into the eternal presence of God. In His presence, those saints will reflect the radiance of His glory.  Paul, on the other hand, is talking about the here and now.  In the midst of corruption and perversity, those saints who are blameless and innocent shine as lights.

A taste of heaven on earth?  I think so.  The refreshment of a saint living purely despite the surroundings can only be explained by the eternality dwelling within them.  The light of the world is not simply a "testimony" to unbelievers.  It is a glimpse of the transcendent, a taste of the divine. It is the immortal, God-fulfilled soul peeking out behind a mortal mask.

We often think of being the light of the world as being a draw to unbelievers, something that pulls them in.  We fail to recognize that just as often, to the degenerate human untouched by the Holy Spirit, the reflection of God's glory is repulsive.  But like Ezekiel, we must continue shining in the midst of a corrupt and perverse generation, not based on the results or the number of souls we can draw in, but because in so doing we will be offering the sacrifice of our faith to the Eternal God.

On the Prophet of this Age, Part II

I Corinthians Chapter 2 makes it clear that wisdom is directly from the Spirit of God, who makes clear to us the thoughts of God.  How amazing!  Read that again: the wisdom only accessible to believers is from the Spirit of God, revealing to us the innermost thoughts of God.  Incredible.  I just can't get over that.

God is love, so the wisdom that comes from Him can be characterized by nothing other than love.  If it lacks love, then it may be knowledge, intellectualism, intelligence, perception, or any number of things -- but not wisdom.

There is a guy I know who has a brilliant mind.  Most of his observations about American Christianity are dead on. But he expresses them in such a cynical, scornful way that most people are seriously offended.

Offense is not always a bad thing; sometimes it is necessary (ever met a person glad to hear about their sins?).  But the offense here is not in his message-- it is in his words, his bitterness. 

He was once railing on about an issue (which I agreed with him on), when someone told him that cynicism was just as bad. The response?  People called Jeremiah a cynic, too.

Hold it right there.  If you're going to compare yourself to a prophet of God, then your life had better emulate that prophet. Jeremiah suffered deeply because of his position.  He was beaten, threatened, slandered.  He was not allowed a wife or children.  And he grieved his heart out over the fate of his country.  He pled with God for mercy and grace on their behalf.  He pled with his people to change their ways for their own sake.  He genuinely suffered in the midst of his "cynicism" because of his love for the people.

Jeremiah translated his connection with God into harsh words of truth.  The truth hurts sometimes, but it has to be said.  However, there's a HUGE difference between speaking the truth out of scorn and speaking the truth because your heart is burning within you.

Let the prophet of this age note: if the truth that you have recognized is not accompanied by love on your part, then you do not have wisdom.  Keep your mouth quiet, because you are no prophet of God.  The true prophet of God -- and the only one who should be speaking on His behalf -- is the one who has the love of God in his soul and the wisdom of God in his heart.

On the Prophet of this Age, Part I

Today, upon the mention by an old friend of DL memories, I visited my Xanga for the first time in months. As I read the posts from my first step on campus to the beginning of my relationship, I had to smile.  The youthful naivete mingled with genuine insight and wholehearted faith left a very distinct flavor.  In some sense, I wish I was as wise now as I was then - for after all, it is the foolish that God has made wise!  I benefitted from reading those reflections spiritually.

On the other hand, they were the musings of a theologically and emotionally immature youth. The past three years have changed my understanding of the world, God's grace, and the light of eternity in ways immeasurable.  I have immersed myself in thinkers, philosophers, and the Word of God, and have chewed the meat and spit out the bones.  Perhaps the biggest impact my education had on me was spiritual, and that is by far worth the expense.

My first reaction was to chuckle at the incomplete-but-good-hearted thoughts of the college freshman.  But my second reaction was to ponder afresh the dangers of "wisdom" from education.

One of the necessary characteristics of the theory major is the tendency to view oneself as a prophet of the age.  With eyes opened to the rich tradition of the past, we students were sobered, disgusted, and terrified by the state of American evangelicism.  We recognize the shoddy theology, the detachment from any substantive thought, the lack of eternal perspective.  I started as a college student with a love for contemporary worship.  I graduated with a love for liturgy, church structure, and deep study of not only Biblical thinkers but secular theologians (a paradox it may seem - but then, one cannot help being a theologian).    We are all deeply impressed by a love for the Good, and thirst after a community, in which virtue is more easily inculcated.

Yet in my studies, I was continually surprised at the cynicism of those who supposedly had knowledge of such wonderful traditions.  It is amazing to me that those whose souls have come into contact with the rich traditions and thoughts of the past can disdain those who have not yet plumbed those depths.  They can quote the right thinkers; they can tell you why your theology is wrong and why your church is unbiblical.  Their intellectual arguments are well-crafted and in general, I agree with their conclusions.  But I cannot understand how they, who have seen the glory of God, can be so bitter in their assessment of others.  How they, having come to understand the errors of their thoughts, can have no patience for those who need to be trained.

Their message is lost because there is one thing they do not understand: knowledge is a poor substitute for virtue.  Is it not the devil himself who walked in the desert with the Son of God incarnate?  And did he not himself quote the Scriptures, the Word of God?

I have all too often watched my fellow theory majors thirst for knowledge, dig into their studies with the intention of "broadening the soul."  But the reputation for snobbery is, I'm afraid, well-deserved.  In their attempts to train their minds, they have failed to apply their vast amounts of knowledge to their lives. 

The well-learned man must be the virtuous man.  If he is not virtuous, then he is not well-learned, for he has missed the most important lesson of all.  He has failed to serve the Good and serves only himself.  In that failure, his knowledge has not passed into wisdom, which is the principle thing.


I find the naivete of the girl writing the Xanga posts rather refreshing, for she wrote from a mind which feared God.  With that base, one cannot help but to become well-learned under the tutelage of the Great Tutor.  Without that base, one can only accumulate knowledge, and never wisdom.

The Art of the Commonplace: Marriage

I was jogging this morning when I caught a glimpse of the sparkly wonder that is my engagement ring.  When I exercise, or do anything that involves getting dirty, I remove all my jewelry and nice clothes in favor of grungier, less valuable things. And yet this most valuable possession of mine is always with me, whatever it is that I'm doing (excluding activities that may end up in no ring at all, like swimming at the beach!).  It's beautiful -- and not the type of thing I think of when I hear the words "jogging apparel."

And yet, there is goes with me as I run.  It is a mystery, a treasure, living in the routine that is everyday life.  It is beauty and wonder and love taking part in ordinary, commonplace tasks like vacuuming and chopping onions and taking out the trash. 

What a symbol of marriage!  A sacred institution of God, translated into everyday banalities and ordinary life.  It is a mystery, a picture of Christ and the church, a joining of two separate lives into one indistinguishable entity.  But it is also doing the dishes and watching a movie and talking through the monthly budget.  We fail to see the mystery because it is obscured by the all-too-obvious, but the mystery remains to be pondered.

Which, by the way, reminds me of something our pastor was preaching on in Revelation 21. The Church is compared to a jasper stone, which apparently is a gem very similar to a diamond.  Our pastor used the point to illustrate the glory of the church as a reflection of Christ's glory (because diamonds reflect light), but that got me to thinking again about my engagement ring.  This ring, a symbol of Josh's love for me and the worth that I have to him, is only a tiny picture of the value that the Church is to the Lamb.  Josh's investment in the ring signified his willingness to provide for me, to financially commit to me.  How much more has Christ committed to His own diamond, His Church!  How much He paid first to buy it, then to refine, cut, and set it so it would be ready to reflect His glory.

Back to the Future

In the era of relevance, "Christian hipsters," and fun churches, tradition seems pretty much lost in the woodwork.  Perhaps that's why a Presbyterian church appeals to me -- the structure and liturgies of Catholic and Anglican churches speak to my heart as the preservation of an ancient tradition.  A tradition ordained and inspired by God, and enriched by the insights and spiritual walks of millions of Christians over the ages.  I get lost in the prayers and contemplations of millions of souls, not dead, but worshiping alongside me.  Paul (I believe) said it well in Hebrews:

But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect.

This was a truth particularly close to my heart in Europe.  Worshiping in grand old cathedrals was richer for the knowledge that my soul was not alone in my worship.  Even now, my praise mingles with the praise of the millions who have gone before, and still live on in the presence of my God and my King.  "Blessed are they who dwell in Your house, for they will still be praising You!"  Though I may seem to be alone spiritually in dead American Christianity, my soul never lacks in companionship at the throne of God.

But back to the prompt of this post.  While reading in Jeremiah, I came across this gem of a verse:

Stand by the roads, and look,

and ask for the ancient paths,

where the good way is; and walk in it,

and find rest for your souls.

The ancient paths.  Even the phrase does good for my soul.  The church has no need to be "relevant" -- how much more relevant can Christ get?  But the ancient paths?  Oh, the joy of knowing that I walk after and with the souls of those who have loved and trusted God!  They have been young, and now are old, and yet God has not forsaken them.

My soul can rest in God's faithfulness as I walk in the ancient paths.  I can benefit from their struggles, recorded and passed down through writing.  I can revel in His faithfulness to them in the past, which demands my present trust.  And I can rejoice that He will use my experience too to benefit believers in the future.

The universal church is not just a concept.  It is a reality that should be meditated on and savored.  For on the ancient paths, time is eclipsed and the worship of God is the meeting place at which one generation can praise His works to another.

Hallelujah!

"That you do so more and more...."

"Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more."
~I Thessalonians 4:1

As I read this verse in my quiet time, I was thinking about when I started on-campus at PHC.  I was a good little student, and went out for a jog 4-5 times a week to stay healthy and to clear the mind.  4-5 times a week - so I ought to have been pretty in shape, right?

Wrong.  I grew more and more frustrated when, after two semesters of running consistently, I hadn't improved on stamina at all.  I would go for a run with my roommate and not be able to keep up, even though I ran more often.  I remembered back to my days of competitive running and how quick I was for a little kid, and I just didn't understand why I wasn't improving.  It's not that I didn't know how to run.  It's that I was physically not any stronger.  The next year, I dropped running and stayed in shape in other ways (one of which resulted in some pretty nice biceps ;). 

In the past few months, away from my exercise source at school, I've picked up running again.  But I've noticed a drastic difference in my physical ability.  What I couldn't achieve before after a year of running, I've attained in a month.  The differentiating factor?  I'm running in a fitness center rather than outside. My allergies, provoked by the beautiful scenery on my favorite running trail, had resulted in asthmatic reactions that forced me to stop running after only a couple of minutes.  I foolishly continued on the same path for a year, even though it was making me literally sick.

I disdain gyms.  I always have and probably always will.  I don't like the loud music that can't be turned off, I don't like having other people around during my run time, I don't like the concept of racing around on my treadmill the way a hamster spins in his wheel.  At one time, I would have been disgusted of being relegated to indoors for my exercise.  But now I'm realizing that I feel better, I'm stronger...and being on a treadmill is a great time to memorize Scripture.  Finally, I am growing "more and more" -- that is, bit by bit -- in my running ability and have almost worked back up to my goal.

My spiritual walk is the same way.  Often I "feel" like I am doing well spiritually (i.e., going for runs every day), but in reality I'm not growing in the same way.  Other days I "feel" like a miserable Christian failure, like when emotions take over.  But Paul's emphasis on Thessalonians is not in our ability to train ourselves.  It's on God's role in our sancification:

"Now may our God and Father himself, and our Lord Jesus direct our way to you, and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you."

"Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another."

More and more.  But when I try to increase in love myself, I find myself wheezing spiritually with the effort.  I'm going through the exercises, but I'm not getting anywhere because I can't deal with the problem.  My spiritual asthma -- the nagging irritating things that make people unlovable, the jealous self-seeking bitterness in my heart, the envy of the wicked and their rewards -- is a problem that I can't overcome in any way but changing the setting.

And that's to let God have His way in me.  To struggle, to fight, to strive, yes.  But to strive in the place He has for me.  To let Him teach me love.  To let Him direct my path.  To let Him make me stronger, to feel fitter, to implant His Word in my heart.

And under His tutelage, I won't run perfectly.  It'll be a while before I'm up for a marathon.  But He has already established my heart as blameless in holiness, because he who finds his strength in the Lord will appear before Him in Zion. 

Hospitality in the Church

The dreaded church search.  Yep, I did it again.  After attending three different churches during my three years at PHC, the church we were at decided that due to overflow in the building, they would cut each of the services down to one hour.  The result: 20 minutes worship, 5-10 minutes of announcements/tithe, and a 20-30 minute sermon.  Followed by another service 15 minutes later, resulting in a sanctuary and lobby so packed that fellowship was impossible because conversations couldn't be heard.  All other elements of church were moved to Sunday night service - meaning that if we wanted toparticipate in communion or get involved in a small group, we would have to forgo our service in AWANA.  And the sermons, much shorter than they used to be, lost their depth.  Milk, and not meat.  Josh and I made the decision to move on for the sake of our spiritual growth as we enter a new phase of life.

And here we are, at a Presbyterian church (neither of us have ever attended a Presbyterian church) that meets in a middle school.  The pastor spoke 3 out of the first 6 times we were there. It's small,the elders take turns preaching when the pastor is out, and the music is not fantastic (although they choose good songs).  The pastor gives excellent, deep, well-researched and supported sermons.  But then, we didn't get to hear him the first week!

What made us stay after the first week to give it a second chance is that the Body of Christ is in effect there in a way I have never witnessed in a church, particularly in the area of hospitality.

We have been attended there for almost two months.  Our first week there, we were approached by five different people who, after they found out we were moving, asked if we needed help moving.  We walked out with the business cards of both the youth pastor and the pastor with numbers to call when we moved.  And they were serious. Since we had no furniture, we didn't take them up on it (two carloads of boxes isn't exactly worth the time).  But in the time since, we've witnessed the system with which the entire church shows up to help move someone in.

We have been invited over for a meal three times.  Once, a homeschool family invited both us and another new couple over for lunch so we got to know not only a member family, but another set of newlyweds new to the church.  Yay for meeting people in the same walk of life!  The dad and the kids prepared the house and the meal for us, as mom was out of the town the day before.  We found that to be a sweet act of service.

Then just last night, a woman dropped by our apartment with a plate of warm, freshly-baked sticky buns.  "I took my daughter to college this week, so I had the house to myself and thought I'd do some baking to share with y'all.  Welcome to church!" she said.

I've attended generous churches, churches with good teaching, small churches, large churches, churches where the pastors sincerely love the Lord.  I have never attended a church so hospitable.  Maybe it's because we're not just college students anymore - college students tend to be overlooked and lumped in with the rest of the college-aged kids.  But I doubt it.  This church teaches and lives the concept of hospitality as a command.

And you know what?  It's contagious.  Ever since I was little, I didn't like having people over because I was too shy to enjoy conversation.  It is SO easy in a tiny apartment with worn out carpet, a small food budget, and only four chairs to make excuses for not having people over.  But I'm learning through this church that the quality of the cooking and the beauty of the home are not substitutes for the ministry that goes on when the church is actively building relationships on a personal level.  So we're inviting some students over for games and dessert on Saturday.  :)

May I remember this lesson forever - hospitality signifies the establishment of relationships and draws people into the Body of Christ.

Purity: Not Just for Yourself

It seems to me that the evangelical church overemphasizes some reasons for purity in teenagers.  The main argument being made is that if you do not save yourself for marriage, then someday you are going to get married and be ashamed.  That the reason for purity is so that you can be wholly your husband's (or wife's), and not have any past lovers to compare/be compared to in bed.

No wonder so many evangelical teens are hopping into bed!  If this is their reason for remaining a virgin, then why stay pure when you meet the person you're sure you are going marry?  Even more, what about once you're engaged?  You have a promise already -- so if you're only saving yourself for your future spouse's sake, what's the harm?  Why should the night before the wedding be different from the night of the wedding?  The promise has already been made and waits only for formalization before witnesses.

No indeed, to be surprised at immorality among Christian couples, we would have to be hopelessly naive.  We have offered teens a self-centered reason to stay pure, without any deeper explanation.  If they remain virgins, we promise them only the ability to avoid guilt.  We ask them to mortify their bodies for the sake of...what?  Future pleasure?  If that's the reason, and they can avoid the guilt, why shouldn't they have pleasure now?  And then we throw a cherry on top and tell them that God says so, because He wants to protect them from shame.

Yes, God says so.  But it's not all about us (that's just an added side benefit).  God yearns jealously for us and wants us to sanctify our bodies for His service (Romans 12:1-2).  He wants the virgin to be wholly occupied with pleasing God, not a man who she thinks will be her husband.  If we want Christian teens to be significantly different from their peers in the area of sexual activity, then we need to stop giving poor explanation and get down to the root of the issue.

God wants the unmarried to remain pure because their focus needs to be on God (I Corinthians 7).  The point is NOT the number of girlfriends that a guy will be shamefully remembering on his wedding day (an argument which, by the way, leads to a huge error in the courtship camp).  The point is that purity is from God.  He still loves the harlot (as in Hosea), but He longs for His bride to be characterized by chastity.  He longs for those whom He has called to be single, and who are single for a short while longer, to be devoted to Him as Paul was.

Our kids coming through the churches today need to understand that sexual purity is not something that is good because it will save them from hurt.  They need to understand that sexual purity is good because God has decreed it to be so, for His service, and that they will be hurt by fornication BECAUSE it is bad.

A convincing argument? No, for an unbeliever.  But it is the only true justification for sexual purity.  Without God's jealousy for us, there is no reason for a teen or fiancee to remain pure.

And as for what makes the night before the wedding different from the wedding night?  Vows are taken before God, and it is He who joins together.  Up until that time, when man and woman become one not through their own strength but through a divine calling, "the Lord is your husband."

Weddings and Community

Why are wedding days such a big deal? I often ponder the question. There are a lot of ceremonies, but none of them as big as a wedding.

But then, what does a wedding symbolize? The creation of a family. And what is a family? The cornerstone of society, the basis for community, the context of the individual. Without the family, society ceases to exist and disappears into the ominous shadow of Government.

Marriage may seem like a private agreement between two individuals, or for a Christian, between two individuals and God. But it is more than that -- it is an agreement between the couple and the community. The couple is promising to perpetuate society and to take part in the community. Community is promising to provide a setting in which the couple can raise the family.

Then as Louis de Bonald said, the marriage covenant is between not only the man and the woman, but also between the unborn child(ren). The family exists for the child; the child exists because of the family.

Weddings, as much as they have been overblown and exaggerated, are a big deal because they are a chance for the community to share in the marriage. They are a chance for the couple to participate in the community. It is a seal between man and wife and society, for better or for worse.

The Ache of the Unknown

Have you ever experienced the ache of things that you will never know?

The true conservative believes that God is at work in every culture, in every political system, in every nation. There may be systems that are more or less suited to curb man's sinful nature and ease the pain of throwing hundreds of sinners in a community together, but altogether no true conservative can completely discredit a nation as being outside of God's work. In fact, no true Christian can do that.

Which means, of course, that if a community is inside of God's work, then it is inside of God's beauty. Every culture -- though every culture has its own version of rampant immorality because people all have their own version of rampant immorality -- has in its own unique expression the unfettered glory of God. The language, the food, the marriage ceremonies...they all show undeniable evidence of the existence of God.

So then, I ache because I will never know it. There is beauty of God expressed in ways I will never be able to see, or that I will even be aware of. There are cultural traditions in which I will never partake.

The mystery of it is the diversity of God, too great for any one human being to comprehend.

But in the end, the ache is similar to the feeling of a sunset. That indescribable bittersweet sensation that makes you want to be a part of the sunset, that knows in a few minutes the sun will be gone and you are only glimpsing a second's worth of eternal beauty. I get that feeling when I experience another culture, because I know I am only touching a second of the eternal glory and work of God.

Cynicism, Depression, and Love

Cynicism is a topic beaten to death here. We hear about the reasons for it, the ways to combat it, the justification for it. But I don't think anyone truly understands the cause of it.

For me, any tendency toward cynicism is caused by seeing people for who they are.

We come into adulthood believing that adults had it all together. We believed that our parents always had the best in mind for us, the people always make sacrifices, that everyone learned how to share and get along. But when we get to the age where we see the truth, cynicism strikes.

I used to think that people, although evil at heart, would never be intentionally malicious. I didn't think that they would be openly hateful, and spew from their mouths whatever bad opinion they had of someone at that time. I did not understand that people sinned intentionally.

I used to think that my friends would never be jealous, that my roommates would never be annoyed at me without cause, and that my relatives always would have my best at heart. Cynicism happens when you realize the naivete of those thoughts. When your friend hates you for no apparent reason, when your roommate doesn't ask you for your side of the story, and when your relatives doesn't even notice your needs. Cynicism is the realization that for the rest of your life, you are going to be living with people who are horribly sinful, who want nothing but their own pleasure, and you realize that even the most spiritual of people have this awful shortcoming.

Cynicism, in short, is a way to hold onto your bitterness. Being angry is a way to protect yourself, because if you can be angry, you cannot be hurt. You cannot be convicted. You cannot stabbed, because you are in the right.

Depression is when you turn that cynicism in towards yourself. When you are hurt by others, and you see only your own failings. You see your failure to pay attention to your brother's needs, your failure to listen to your roommate, and you failure to be a perfect friend. Depression is the realization that for the rest of your life, you are going to have to live with yourself. Depression is a way to hold onto your justification. To be depressed, you cannot be blamed for your own sinfulness, because it appears you are aware of it. If you hate yourself, no one can blame you for not being better, because it's not your fault you are not perfect. It is a way to justify the escape from yourself, where you can run away from your sin nature and blame it on depression.

Cynicism and depression are only fought by one thing: love.

Love thinks no evil. Love believes all things. Love never fails. How can you be cynical when someone is loving you--or you are loving someone--in this way?

Of course, so many times this is the cause of cynicism. We see this standard for love, we see the utter failure of anyone to live it out, and we grow cynical. But to be cynical is to show a lack of faith. It is to deny the power of God, to deny His presence, and to say that His work in our lives is not enough to satisfy us. It is to say that He is not powerful enough to bring love into our lives, and that His example is not enough to satisfy us in Him and not in others.

The beginnings of cynicism is a healthy dose of realism. We should be aware that others are not perfect, that we are not perfect. We should know the depths of wickedness to which we are capable of descending.

But that realism is followed by a choice: to be faithless or faithful. To love or not to love. If we choose love, then we have chosen God. If we choose cynicism, we have chosen the world.