Summer Doldrums

I love summer.

More accurately, I love the concept of summer.  It's the reality that I don't love so much.

I also love storms.  I love walking in the rain, watching it pour off the roof in sheets, listening to the thunder.

More accurately, I love the concept of storms.  In reality, I'm one of those people who tends to get migraines when the barometric pressure changes.  And then I pout on the couch and wish I could go walk in the rain, but expend all my energy trying to keep my brains from exploding outside of my skull.

We've had a lot of storms in the last couple weeks.  After three straight days of thunderstorms last week, I emerged, groggy and morose, to discover that my kitchen looked like this:

And the rest of the house looked like this:

 And then a couple nights ago Kekoa refused to eat and had a low fever, which I attributed to teething.  He was fine yesterday morning except for some congestion.  And then around noon I discovered that his temp was 102.7.  Forget the housework - we spent the afternoon rocking in the rocking chair while he sat limply in my lap.  Once the acetaminophen kicked in, he felt well enough to yell every time I put him down.  Poor little guy.

So for the Fourth this year, we're doing...nothing.  Absolutely, gloriously nothing.  I think we're a little bit in survival mode right now, and a day off is a wonderful thing.  So we're dressed in red, white, and blue, eating waffles, and vegging.  I heard a rumor that family naptime might be in store for this afternoon...woohoo!!!  We know how to par-TAY.

Happy Fourth!

Goodbye Hawaii

We're back (and just about time adjusted, but still sleep-deprived) after our trip to Hawaii and California.  And it was lovely.

*Apparently, to Hawaiian mosquitoes I am an exotic delicacy.  And apparently Josh and Kekoa, having Hawaiian blood, are not??  You're welcome, everyone, for being tastier than you.

*Somehow after 13 days of beach and pool time, we managed to avoid sunburning Kekoa's fair skin.  And then in the very last four hours before we got on the plane...bam!  Sunburn!

*I packed the camera.  And then the night before we left Kekoa did something cute and I wanted to take a picture.  And then I forgot to repack the camera.  Ergo: NOT A SINGLE PICTURE OF HAWAII.  I feel sick about this.  We did get family portraits done with Josh's whole family, so at least there's something, but please, somebody tell me they took a few of the day-to-day shots.  Please???  Fortunately, when Kekoa is around my Mom has a camera plastered to her face, so we have plenty of CA pictures.

*Kekoa has nine - yes, nine - living great-grandparents.  And as of June 1st, he has met every single one.

*After spending multiple hours in church cry rooms for various church, graduation, and baccalaureate events (we were out late a lot), I feel that there needs to be a public service announcement.  So, ahem.  Here goes.

When you are in an unfamiliar church, please please please assume that any windows/mirrors in the back are cry rooms.  Please assume that there are people IN the cry rooms.  And therefore, do not:

• Check to see if there's anything in your teeth.
• Adjust your undergarments.
• Suck in your stomach and turn sideways to check your figure.
• Touch up your lipstick (my goodness, the facial expressions!)
• Do your stretching exercises or dance with the music (really, people?  Do you have to zumba during the service?  Bonus points for making me laugh my head off, though)
• Pace back and forth when there's a slideshow going on.
• Plaster your rear end against the glass and lean on it obliviously while my little brother is speaking!  Trust me, it's awkward to figure how to get you to move.  Tapping on the glass just seemed a little too...personal.    

  So the moral of the story is: be paranoid of mirrors.  You never know when they're one-way. 

Just a few things.

I like warmer weather and all, but a part of me mourns the winter days when missing a spot while shaving doesn't matter.  Also, toe nail polish.  I really dislike painting my toe nails.

~~~~~

As I write, the child is eating...raw onions.  He's an odd one. Maybe I need to stop trying to get him to eat beef and chicken and need to start giving him things like liver and headcheese.  He seems to prefer really strong, almost obnoxious flavors.

~~~~~~

Really, this whole kinda-sorta-vegan is a lot more fun that I thought it would.  It's been amazing enough that I think we'll stick with the low dairy diet even when/if he outgrows his allergy.  If we do eat dairy, it will probably be yogurt.  I always blamed produce for being too expensive, but actually without dairy products eating up our budget we have produce coming out of our ears.

But note: don't just cut dairy cold turkey.  Either cut back slowly or go through a full detox diet.  We all got pretty sick.

~~~~~

In my generation it's very trendy to be creative and do your own projects, cook your own food, alter your own clothes (or get them from thrift shops), etc.  I think that's a great trend.

What I don't think is a great trend is the compulsive need to post every single little outfit/meal/DIY project on Facebook/Pinterest/Instagram.  It makes me wonder: do we actually value creativity, artistry, or frugality?  Or do we just want the praise for doing the trendy thing?

I understand it for small businesses and blogs dedicated to a particular thing, but we seem to have an inordinate need that our work be applauded.

~~~~~~

My pastor posted an article (sorry, I can't find it) the other day.  I really appreciate that he passes on really great thoughts each week.  This particular article was written to parents; essentially it says that we are the guardians of our child's cyberpresence.  The pictures and statuses we post may not go away. So don't post anything that you wouldn't post if your 13-year-old child was standing over your shoulder.  That was a little convicting.

~~~~~

Avocado.  Oh my goodness. I made chocolate avocado pudding the other day, and it was AMAZING.  One drawback: it looked horrible.  I wouldn't ever serve it to a guest because of the look.  The recipe I used didn't include almond milk, though, so maybe it would be creamier and smoother with the milk.  So what do you think: would you try something like this?

My Best Discoveries of 2012 (in no particular order)

[I decided not to do "people moments" because otherwise this post would pretty much be "Kekoa is adorable when he does x" and "my husband is a life saver."]

1.  Side-lying nursing, a.k.a. Slayer of Sleep Deprivation, a.k.a. I-don't-care-if-this-baby-falls-asleep-nursing-as-long-as-I-can-sleep-too.

2.  Cloth diapers are not nearly as gross as they seem.  Or maybe I'm completely desensitivized. (also, they're CUTE!  Don't believe me?  Check these puppies out.  Totally going on next year's wishlist.  :)



Even solid colors can be cute.  :)

3. East of Eden. Best book I read this year - it was beautiful.

4. Gliders (the rocking chair kind) = awesome.

5.  That Kekoa was a boy.  But looking back, I can't believe we ever thought he could be anything but. Of course he was a boy.

6.  Psych.  Hilarious. 

7.  Swagbucks, which paid for Christmas this year, and Ebates, which helped me spend $7 total on maternity clothes (also a big help: amazing SILs!  Also: belly bands.).

8.  Eric Carle.  Better than a pacifier at inducing quiet. 

We're Eric Carle groupies.

9.  Making your own yogurt can be easy, fun, and extremely gratifying.  And your (cheap!) yogurt is a fabulous substitute for sour cream in dips.  And y'all, I am a Sour Cream Addict, so this is a good thing.

10.  Mei tai baby carriers.  SO COMFORTABLE if you tie them right, Daddy-approved, and can be worn in so many ways.

Mei tai baby carriers: 100% baby approved.

 
What are your favorites from this last year?

Don't Mind Me, I'm Just a Little Crazy

This month, all the work we've done toward correcting our sleep debt from the first two months of Kekoa's life was erased. Kaput.  It all started with an innocent introduction:

But ended in angry red splotches all over Kekoa's neck, arms, and torso:

It looks like a self-portrait, doesn't it?  That's one talented baby. 

The result is that our darling little boy started napping in 15-30 minute increments and waking up every 45-60 minutes at night with the itchies.

And then!  As if that wasn't enough to produce some eye-rubbing, he started teething.  We didn't even notice until the first tooth cut because we just assumed the fussiness was due to the rash (so much for parent-of-the-year!).

I'm a fairly organized person.  I keep a careful calendar.  We are punctual people who like to be prepared way ahead of time.

It's just a little bit scary when you don't even notice your decreased mental functions until you start making stupid mistakes.  Twice now I've written things on the wrong day on my calendar.  The other night I wrote the wrong time and we showed up as the party was ending.  [they took pity on us and pulled out the leftovers.  that was nice of them.]

I was thinking about writing a post about sleep deprivation, and I thought "Haha, I should write about how I'm afraid to even post anything because I don't know it will come out right."  As a joke, right?

Funny joke.  I came here and realized that my half-finished rough draft had been accidentally published, sans pictures and with random sentence fragments reminding me where to start again.  So I guess you guys get to see my editing process. *sigh*

(Oh wait.  Kekoa wrote that...so clearly it was his fault).

Is this what it's like to be losing your mind?  You don't notice anything different because you lose it gradually...bit by bit...but in the isolated moments of sanity, you realize that your marbles are clattering around on the floor. 

I'm starting to feel a distinct lack of self-confidence.  So many times I've walked up to a doorstep and started to second-guess myself: "Is this the right time?  Is this the right day?  Oh my gosh, what if they're in their pjs?"

The rash is mostly clear.  The first tooth has cut, the second is on its way.  My leg is jiggling uncontrollably because I don't often drink caffeine, but lately I've been taking just a little bit more...

Will I read this post tomorrow and discover some uber-embarrassing mistake?  I can only wonder.

But in the meantime, at least I'm oblivious to the crazy, as long as it lasts.

Unrelated Things about our New Place

1)  It's awesome.  And here's a secret - I never actually saw the place.  Josh picked it out all by himself.  The first time I saw it was for the walk-through before moving in.  Yay Josh!

2)  I miss "our" dog.  And our neighbor girls.

3)  We are a five minute walk from the library.  Literally, five minutes.  (!!!!!!!)  I. am. happy.

4)  We have a dishwasher for the first time since getting married.  And you know what?  It's not really all that.  We still have to rinse the dishes and scrub off crusty stuff...we just do it with colder water and no dish soap.  So really, not all that much less work.

5)  Did I mention we're FIVE MINUTES FROM THE LIBRARY??!!?!?!  We've been here one week and we've been there....four times.

6)  And five minutes from all our P-ville family members.  Oh my gosh.  So happy.

7)  The local Panera donates all the day-old bread that they can't sell to our apartment complex, and they put it out on a table and it's free for the taking.  French bread, sandwich rolls, vanilla cream cakes.  And here I just made it back to pre-pregnancy weight...goodbye to all that! 

8)  I love unpacking.  I love finding places for everything. 

9) So. Much. Room.  And a walk-in closet that makes our clothes look pitiful.

10)  We moved to cut down on Josh's commute and gas.  But of course, now we drive twice as much because it's half as far.    Hopefully the novelty will wear off and twenty minutes will seem long again.

Oh this life we lead

This morning I woke up at 4:00am to the sound of my two favorite men chatting it up.  Josh was murmuring something about a car, and Kekoa was cooing and squealing in response.  His little legs were kicking frantically.

I was about to remind Josh that we don't talk to Baby when he wakes up in the middle of the night, lest he think it's playtime.  And then it dawned on me.

They were both still fast asleep.

At least Kekoa comes by it honestly.

~~~~

The second incident occurred this afternoon.  Kekoa woke up early from his nap, while I was scrubbing the oven.  I stuck him in his rocking chair, put the toy bar in, and returned to my messy task.

Only a minute later, he started fussing.  But I couldn't tell what was wrong. It wasn't his hungry cry, or his tired cry, or his "I need to fill my diaper" cry.  It wasn't even his "hey, somebody pick up the baby!" cry.

Then I noticed that he was staring intently at the turtle on the toy bar as he cried, and I knew exactly what was wrong.  I usually put his toy bar in so that the lion is to his right, and the turtle is to his left.  But this time I had put it in the other way.

I promptly righted the situation and he immediately stopped crying.  He struck up a cooing conversation with Mr. Lion, and I was able to finish cleaning the oven in peace.

Ah well, takes one to know one.  At least he comes by that honestly as well.

"Oh Mr. Lion, how very nice to see you in your proper place!"

The Friendship That Wasn't

Today on our walk, Kekoa and I saw a caterpillar which had been flipped upside down and was flopping about quite effectively on its back, with its little legs waving wildly in the air.

Or rather, I saw a caterpillar.  The whole point of taking the walk at that particular moment of time was to calm a very angry little boy down after a gregarious cup of water attempted to make friends with his head.  Apparently, Kekoa isn't quite as sociable as I thought.

Needless to say, the friendship was very trying for all parties involved, and caused Kekoa to be quite upset enough to forget that he needed a nap.

Anyway.  I don't think he noticed the caterpillar.

I thought about flipping the caterpillar over, but he seemed to be so happily mobile on his back that I almost thought he might have done it on purpose, the way little girls love to walk around on their hands.  I left him quite literally doing the worm.

Pace Thyself

Pacing myself has never been my strong suit.  When I could roll over, I wanted to crawl.   When I could crawl, I wanted to walk.  When I could walk, I wanted to read.  When I could read, I wanted to rule the world.

Just kidding about that last one.  I never wanted to rule the world (at least not publicly)...too stressful.

The point is I’ve never been good at setting a steady pace.  Even when I was little, my approach to saving money for a particular goal was “oh, I don’t need to buy clothes for another couple years…that can wait.”  (come to think of it…I’m still that way.  I credit my mom and SILs for keeping me clothed somewhat respectably, especially during maternity :P ).  I’d pinch every penny I could trying to madly rush to my goal.  And then when that wasn't enough, I'd buy 10 cent popsicles at Costco and sell them to my brothers for a buck whenever they'd hear the ice cream truck (hey, in their minds it was a bargain!).

  

And that’s how I came to be two years out of college, married, and with a baby on the way at the ripe old age of 22.  Josh isn’t any better...he crammed four years of college into three to graduate the same year I did.

This pregnancy has been a major reality check for me.  You can take 10 college credits in one summer, or squeeze the life out of every penny so you can take horseback riding lessons, or do a couple extra lessons in your English curriculum so you get more time to play later on.

But there’s not much you can do to hurry along a nine-month pregnancy (and it's not that I really want to…although Kekoa, if you’re listening, you should know that you’re technically considered full-term at 37 weeks.  Just something to keep in mind).

Nope, we’re in this for the long haul.  Literally.

And I find myself, here in the waiting period, jumping ahead to the next stage.  Buy a house.  Get a car with fewer miles on it so my parents can stop worrying about Josh’s uber-long commute.  Get Josh through school and our new place needs at least three bedrooms so we have room for the next kids and…..

*deep breath*

I have to remember that I am 22.  Most of my peers are finishing up their senior year of college.  And while we’re emotionally ready enough to make those big decisions for our family, Josh does not need that extra stress as he finishes up his semester.  Isn’t being a student, full-time professional, and soon-to-be daddy enough? 

I don’t have a sewing machine.  On my days off, I’ve been cutting up old t-shirts and pajamas and Snuggies and whatever random scraps of fabric I can find and making re-usable wipes, nursing pads, little hats and mittens.  It would be a million times faster to use a sewing machine, and probably more durable.

But I’ve found that the hand-stitching is perfect for me right now.  I take an hour in the afternoon – usually around the time my mom calls – and put my feet up and stitch away.  I can keep my hands busy, which relieves that restless energy that apparently was pent up inside me at birth.  That urge to go, go, go.  I can stay away from number-crunching spreadsheets and parenting advice on the computer and just be still.

I sometimes feel lazy.  At work I’m Miss Efficiency, and hand-stitching baby wipes would NOT pass the “capable co-worker” test.  But I have to remind myself to rest, to enjoy the moment, to let the time move more slowly.  To talk to my baby and feel him kick, and to remember that there's plenty of time to accomplish those other goals.

But these moments, just baby and me...those are the moments I will never have again.

The Feminist Homemaker

The homeschool generation has a very interesting dichotomy when it comes to feminism.  Half of my class has been raised in the idea that being a stay-at-home and homeschool mom is the only option.  If you choose to work instead, then you might as well be sacrificing your children.

Then there's the half that grew disillusioned with homeschooling and are rather embittered by the thou-shalt-homeschool attitude.  Like most "ordinary" people, they plan on having 2-3 children after waiting 4-5 years while they enjoy their lives as young married couples and get their fill of the career world.  Then they may or may not homeschool - that's a decision they will make depending on how their careers are going.

I was talking to an old college friend last month and I got the distinct impression that she viewed my decision to quit my job with a "yep, you've been brainwashed" attitude.

Neither side of the coin really seems to be interested in the choice.  Even the more "feminist" among them don't really care about what I *want* to do - they just assume my choice is due to family and social pressures.

I like my job.  And I'm really good at it.  In the past year I've made huge improvements to our office and I know that I could go far in the job world.  I have the highest recommendations.  For only having been in the working world for two years, I have a wide variety of experiences and knowledge and I am confident that I could learn other skills very quickly.

But you know what?  Being part-time has shown me that I really prefer the homemaking.  I love planning out our budget and pinching pennies so that we can pay off student loans as quickly as possible.  I love talking over our long-term spiritual, financial, and family goals with Josh, and coming up with ways to meet those goals.  I love planning for baby on a budget, cutting up old t-shirts and using them to sew re-usable wipes and little hats and mittens.   I like freezing big meal batches for later and packing Josh's lunch and stocking my pantry and having a sparkling bath tub.  I like going grocery shopping and surprising Josh with cinnamon rolls when he comes home after a long night in class.

At work, I do a lot of the same things.  I work within a budget and pay bills and play with numbers and look for ways to save money within the office.  I go shopping for office supplies and plan office parties once in a while and get resourceful with things we bought years ago and never used.  I make sure the office stays clean so that  our volunteers are comfortable.  And I enjoy it.  It's for a good cause.

But it's not for the people I love most.  Same type of work, but the pride I feel in having a clean desk space is not the same pride as when Josh is greeted with the smell of his favorite meal when he gets home.

I despise mopping and dusting.  I don't mind doing dishes, but someday I would really like a dishwasher.  And I know especially when baby comes there will be frustrating days, sleepless days, days when I feel trapped.

I have those days at work, too.

At work I can't cuddle with the two loves of my life to make it better.

So call me a feminist, because I made a decision based on what makes me feel best.  That just happens to be staying at home.  Or call me a victim of brainwashing, whichever you prefer.  Then I am quite happy being ignorant and "wasting" my talents to benefit my family.  Rather than earning an income, I can manage my home well.  I think that for our family, the financial benefits are actually better long-term.

If staying at home is a decision that would make you feel trapped, then by all means, you don't have to stay home.  You will only make your family unhappy.  But don't stay in the work force if you don't love it, just because you feel like it's the only way to maximize your potential.   I don't think the empowerment of women was supposed to mean grand careers.  It was meant to provide women with an option.

And I've chosen mine.

Why Hello, July

Wait. Where did that month go?

Or maybe the more accurate question would be, "wait, where did that blog go?"  It got lost in the day-to-day whirlwind that is preparing for the fall.  So I present to you, in five parts: Our July. It turned into a multi-theme month that is cultivating a lot of good habits.

FLYing all the way home

July has been a "get-the-apartment-in-order" month, Flylady style.  Yes, the bane of our existence growing up who was always making us throw away old toys has been this month's theme as we prepare for our move.

It's been great.  Not only is the apartment in apple-pie order, but we've gotten rid of so much junk.  All those baggy clothes, old t-shirts in excess, single earrings, kitchenware that we have duplicates of, all those ratty old college twin bedsets - gone.  Woohoo.  I even got Josh to part with his terrible bright yellow and red tie.

Plus, we're practically packed for the move. Everything we're not planning on using in the next three weeks is packed away, labelled, and color-coded by room.  So this is going to be a pretty easy move, I think, and all because we're spending ten minutes a day on preparations.

Returning to my first "love"


I compiled my book list for "books to get through while Josh is in grad school".  There's about 90 books on my list, and so far this month I've read three.  Currently I am working on "The Little Prince" in Spanish.   After the post-college burnout, I read a little bit, but not a whole lot.  Now I've remembered what it is to love reading again, and to spend hours curled up with a book.  And Josh is reading right along with me!

Staying fit and having fun


Each day we are spending 15-20 minutes working out.  Three days a week this means cardio workouts - running, roller blading, ultimate frisbee, tennis.  The other days it means strength training + easy cardio - walking, cleaning, etc.  But the rule is to not let them be a "workout", but to be fun.  We're playing tennis during our lunch break once a week, and now we're hitting the trails on roller blades on weekends.  :)

A surprise improvement

Since I was about 9 and running track, I have always gotten a lot of headaches.  I blamed this on computer time, allergies, sleep deprivation...all of the above.  I never in a million years suspected dehydration, because I drink a lot of water.  I carry a water bottle with me at all times and sip from it all day, drinking almost nothing else. For the past three years, I've been drinking the recommended amount of water of 64oz. a day - in fact, a little more.

So I thought my headaches weren't related to dehydration at all.  But then early this month, I decided to drink until at no point during the day I was thirsty. If I'm thirsty, I drink until I no longer want anything to drink.

On the first day, I drank three liters (~101 ozs).

So for a week, I put three rubber bands on my water bottle and took one off each time I drank a liter.

NO HEADACHES!

All that time, I thought I was getting enough water because I was drinking the "recommended" amount.  Turns out my body needs more water than that - just like it needs more sleep than the average person (yes, my body wants 10 hours of sleep to be truly happy).  Now I'm drinking 3-4 liters a day, and I feel so much better.

So the moral of the story is you're probably dehydrated right now.  Go drink some water.

A new era

Josh and I made a commitment that for the first year of our marriage, we would intentionally avoid making too many commitments and instead really focus on intentionally getting to know each other. And that year is over. It's been wonderful.

Josh starts grad school next month and we'll have less time together.  If that had happened last fall, I feel certain our marriage would have been much less fun.   I will miss him like crazy on those nights he is gone, but at least I know we had a fabulous year where our first priority was simply to get used to being married.

August: the Demise of the Photo Faker


So yes, Mom, I'm a photo faker.  Maybe it was growing up with a mom who has a camera bag permanently attached to her shoulder.  But I don't take pictures.  Ever.  If something noteworthy happens, someone else has a camera, right? And they'll post them on facebook, because that's all people do with pictures now anyway.

Next month, my theme will be to take a picture a day.  And to post it.  So it will be a blog post a day. Another two-fer.  :)

That's all for now!  A nice long post to make up for not posting ever.  :P

End of the Month

Since my husband is trying to revive his facebook, I figure I should try to post a little more on my blog.

Plus, I finished my full month of running.  How was it? Great.  I feel better, I worked some steam out on the more stressful days (which helps a little in the marriage department!), and it made me more conscious of what it means to be "healthy".

To be honest, I didn't quite make my goal of exercising every day - but then every other day is a big improvement as well.  I did have to stop for a while because I caught a cold, but otherwise, I made great leaps and bounds and was able to meet my goal!

Someone once told me that physical fitness isn't about how far you can go or pushing yourself to the max.  It's about staying healthy and keeping in good shape so that if you ever NEED to kick it up a notch, you can. So I intend to keep up the progress I have made by continuing my routine 3 days a week - not necessarily with the goal of getting faster or running longer, but just with the goal of staying fit and healthy.

In other news, so begins a new month!  We have a keyboard and a flute sitting in our apartment that rarely get used.  So this month is about brushing up on my music!  I'm try to alternate the two...with the keyboard, the challenge is reading those left-hand notes.  Playing the flute for so many years has my eye automatically trained to read the treble clef, and now I'm terribly at translating to the bass clef.  On the flute, my challenge will be finger fumblings, and smooth breath control.  Time to work that diaphragm!

And so begins a new month. Newly off from a fabulous Alaskan vacation, DONE with financial audits, and now getting back on top of things at work.  I feel like things have definitely taken a turn for the less-hectic!

A Weekend at Holly Knoll

One of my friends works as the personal assistant for the president of an organization that owns a mansion.

At least, that's what she told us when she invited our college hallway down for a weekend.  She's an outdoorsy type of gal, so we assumed it was something kinda like a big cabin.  Then she said it had a river with a dock, and we could go swimming. That just strengthened our assumption.  But we should have realized that the South is a little different....

The house itself...the tree obstructs the view a little, but then,  MLK, Jr. wrote much of us "I Have a Dream" speech under it. So it stays.

The second story veranda - screened in to avoid bugs.

The first floor study

Second story sitting room (as opposed to the second story game room)

Third story sitting room, as well as the fully stocked, absolutely beautiful third story kitchen

The dock!

View down the staircase to the front entryway!

One of nine bedrooms

The riverfront.  One of the gals and I waded halfway across the river to Williamsburg  and we were still only waist deep.

Beautiful sunsets!

All in all, it was gorgeous and I felt well-refreshed (at least emotionally and spiritually - I didn't sleep a whole lot!) after it.  Each morning I was up 2-3 hours before anyone else, so I could sit on that gorgeous dock with my Bible or talk a walk or sit on the front porch with its six rocking chairs or read one of the many books scattered throughout the house.  On the second morning, I walked out on the dock only to find an otter already there in the water....I surprised him as much as he surprised me!

But even more, it was a sharp reminder of lifestyles and the choices we have made.  For that weekend, I ate fabulous food and lounged on comfortable furniture and had loads of girl-talk and watched movies.  And it was fun.  The social aspect of it was like being back in college (the food was way way better, of course).

It was nice to experience "the high life" for a while.  But in the end, it was nice to go back to my own lifestyle.  To go to work where I am personally invested in the organization and carry much of the responsibility for the internal workings.  To come home to our apartment, with its lack of a coffee table and noisy upstairs neighbors and have my husband greet me at the door with a kiss.  To cook our simple meals, sans wine or cocktails, but to cook them together and enjoy them together.  

Holly Knoll was beautiful and I'm really glad I went (and I have some good recipes now, too). But it wasn't sad to say goodbye.

Happy as a clam

I was chatting with a friend tonight and I came to a realization (okay, I knew it all along...but sometimes things just...hit you): I really like my life.

So work feels like it's out-of-control and I've been given more responsibilities than I can handle. We live pretty frugally, which means skipping a lot of the pleasures our single friends are enjoying, like eating out and taking weekend trips.  We're staring down a couple years of tuition in the face.  But life is good.  Not good -- great.

Our church is embracing us and making us feel at home.  We don't indulge a whole lot, but we have everything we need.  We have good jobs for good employers, and even though my work right now is crazy, it's pretty clear that my bosses trust me and we have good working relationships.  Despite the rapidly changing office setting, I feel like we're moving in a good direction, are taking steps to correct some organizational issues, and are strengthening as a (much smaller) team.

But best of all, as a couple we are are growing with a purpose and with direction.  We have a shared, concrete goal for the next 5-10 years, and we have a way to work towards and prepare for it, which is good for our marriage.  We are reading our Bibles together and sharing what we've learned.

Our apartment is comfortable and actually more space than we need.  Our food is tasty and filling.

I am young among my friends in age, but as I was listening to one gal 6 years my elder talk about her relationship with her boyfriend, I realized that we are older in many ways.  And because we are "older", we enjoy stability and not as much drama.  I have a wonderful husband who keeps a close eye on my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.  He cherishes me in a way few women (sadly) are cherished.

To be honest, I can't think of anything in my life I would change right now, at least not in circumstances.

It's a wonderful life.  :)

Sense of Belonging

It may sound funny, but after four years of being here, I finally am starting to feel like we belong to the community.  Not just the college community, but the community of our neighbors.  I am finally starting to feel like we're contributors.

On Friday, we stopped to grab a bite after dinner after work and then went to a concert.  And I saw not one, but two, of my AWANA girls throughout the course of the evening.  Today on the way to church, some friends pulled up next to our car and waved.  A visiting choir to our church brought some old friends we hadn't seen in a while. A college buddy of Josh's stopped us as we were leaving Costco.

I grew up in the"dog-and-pony" show, as my mom liked to call it.  No matter where we went, there was someone who knew my mom who would report any negative behavior - and believe me, she heard about it!  Skirts that were an inch too short, a thoughtless remark, an emotional outburst in public...busted. Somehow or another, word got back to Mom. Belonging to the community somehow didn't feel like such a privilege.  :P

But now, having been transplanted, it is nice to have a place. It is nice to know the people I am shopping with, eating with, working with.  It is nice to have that "small-town" feel, where you are not just another stranger.

And most of all, it is good to know that we belong here.  It could be tempting to view this point in our lives as a transition period, a time when we're just waiting for Josh to finish grad school.  It could be tempting to breeze along with superficial relationships and limited involvement in the lives of others.

But life is never transitional. Life is always the fullest right where you're at.  The fact that life is always changing indicates that it never is - we must only learn how to create normalcy out of changing situations.  A lot can change in a few months.

But our need for fellowship, community,and belonging never will.

My Smaller Vocabulary

Sometimes I feel like being a young married has robbed me of the meaning of some of my favorite vocabulary words. For example:

Me in May 2010: "Oh my goodness....I'm sooooo hungry all the time lately. I can't wait for lunch!"
Friend 1:  "Haha yeah, me too!  Sitting in class really works up my appetite!  Wanna go grab lunch now?"
Friend 2: "In the meantime, have some almonds!"

Me now: "Oh my goodness....I'm sooooo hungry all the time lately.  I can't wait for lunch!"
Friend 1: *casts furtive glance to friend2*
Friend 2:  *timidly* "You're...hungry? ALL the time? Are you.... *whispers* eating for two?"
Me: *sigh*

---

Me in May 2010: "Oh, I'd really love some oranges right now.  I've been craving them lately."
Friend 1: "Hmmm, you must be low in vitamin C.  Here, have a vitamin."

Me now: "Oh, I'd really love some oranges right now.  I've been craving them lately."
Friend 1: "OHMYGOSH YOU'RE HAVING CRAVINGS?!?!?!?!?"

---

Me in May 2010:  *baby toddles by* "Awww, how cute"
Friend 1: "Awwwwww....look at those little ringlets!"
Friend 2: "I just want to pick her up and squeeze her!"

Me now:  *baby toddles by* "Awww, how cute"
*awkward silence*
Friend 1: "so....you want any of your own?"
Friend 2: "Are you trying to tell us something?"

---

Me in May 1020:  "Ugh, breakfast just didn't sit right in my stomach.  I don't feel so great."
Friend: "Aw, I'm sorry...why don't you lay down until chapel?"

Me now: "Ugh, breakfast just didn't sit right in my stomach.  I don't feel so great."
Friend: "You're.....SICK?  In...the MORNING???"

The ironic thing is that most likely, when I AM thinking of announcing something, but am not quite ready to make that announcement or am not quite sure, I will probably be avoiding all suggestive terms. So the fact that I am telling you about my cravings should indicate that I am NOT craving pickles and ice cream.

Until then, I'll just have to deal with the sudden interest in all things relating to my appetite, my opinion of children, and anytime I'm just not feeling well.

Life Update

I'm making an effort to be more personal, rather than offering disembodied thoughts and abstractions.  Which isn't hard, because I don't have a lot of time for thoughts and abstractions.

One of my coworkers left for another job today.  You don't work for a non-profit because of the money, which means our office is particularly close and my coworkers have become some of my closest friends.  Losing someone hurts not only on a professional how-are-we-going-to-survive-without-you level, but also on the awww-man-I'm-really-going-to-miss-you level.  We've all been a little sad this week, and there may have been a few tears in the office today. I love my work environment - it's like going to work really means going to hang out with your friends.  But it's tough to say goodbye.

On the same front, there's a reason you don't work for a non-profit for the money - there's not much of it. We're not hiring to fill her position, which means I'm inheriting her job as the website manager and publications designer on top of my usual administrative and communications tasks.  Not only do I have a lot to learn, but my boss is on baby watch for the next two weeks.  It's going to be a lonely and incredibly busy few weeks.

We're also undertaking a membership class for the church we're attending.  Not only is it eight hours of getting-to-know-you, deep theological wrestlings, and pizza tomorrow, but our interest in membership was announced to the church (not in a pressuring sort of way) and the congregation was encouraged to "get to know" us.  Not that they really needed the extra reminder -- they're already the most hospitable church I've ever seen.  If Baptists are about potlucks, then Presbyterians are about inviting others over for lunch after the service.

I really appreciate it, though.  My biggest struggle since graduation has been maintaining close female friendships (outside of work, that is).  We have lots of couple friends, and Josh has his guy friends from college.  But that need has not yet been met for me.  I am hoping that as we get more involved in the church, I'll find that girlfriend who shares my interests and dreams.

And finally, both Josh and I have had our first experiences driving in wind, snow, and ice.  It's not so bad. :)  We passed about 7 cars in the ditch on the way to work yesterday, and those coming home from the city had an 8-hour commute on Wednesday night.  But I already feel much more comfortable handling a car in poor weather conditions.  I just needed to know how it felt. :)

Until I've had the time to catch my breath and gather my thoughts...hasta luego and happy weekend!

Pray for Josh

Tomorrow  night he goes to an open house at the school he wants to attend for his Master's.  He'll be going to night classes, so this is a trial run - he'll take the metro in.  Pray that everything transportation-related will go smoothly so we know what to expect come fall when school starts with his commute.

Pray also that he'll get home early enough to get a good, restful night of sleep because...

...his GRE is on Saturday.

So much for being done with major tests.

We've both had an incredibly draining, eventful, and head-spinning sort of week (yeah, you'll probably hear more about that later - I'm in hyper-preparation mode, so I have a one-track mind and it will probably come up), so we do covet your prayers for this weekend.

Leadership...

Taking a break for a while...I just want to say how great our organization president is (or at least Josh's - mine's laid up with a knee surgery right now).

Not only does he buy us all pizza on HIS birthday (maybe he just wants us all to celebrate more!), but today he closed the office an hour early so we could drive home through the snow while it was still light outside.  When I walked out, he was out scraping the snow off someone's car. I thought it was his.

But then he moved onto the next car...and then he walked over to help a single gal struggling with her car.  15 minutes later, by the time I had gathered up my husband, he was still out there, without gloves and bareheaded, scraping off one car at a time.

Everyone else who came through caught the spirit. Pretty soon it was a regular party, out in the snow, scraping cars.  Now that's leadership.

I am grateful to work for an organization which, the longer I work there, the more I realize how blessed I am.

Just One Little Moment...

Quick step backward to get a glimpse of the broad view of things. Yesterday was a long travel day.  Our first two flights back home were cancelled. We rebooked, and were told upon checking in that our flight was 10 minutes delayed.  No problem.

Then it started snowing more heavily.  Our connecting flight was in danger, so we waited in line at the desk for an hour and ten minutes to rebook our flights.  We were around number 11 in line...the lady got through about ten people in that hour.We got to the front. She asked for our tickets.  She typed in our number....and walked away and started boarding the plane. She told us to wait there...but ultimately told us that we should try to rebook on a 10:30 flight during our layover. No time for us.

*sigh*

We missed our connecting flight by two and a half hours.  All the flights to Dulles were full, and we were resigning ourselves to the possibility of renting a car and driving the eight hours up.

And then...I had to go to the bathroom straight off our flight. I didn't even wait for Josh. As I came out, I noticed that the gate next door had just finished boarding -- and they were going to our airport. I jumped in line at the desk, hoping against all reason that there would be room. Six people lined up behind me.  I called Josh over, begged them for two seats on the plane...and they let us on and shut the door behind us.  The six people in line didn't make it.  We arrived an hour earlier than we had originally planned, before the cancellations and delays.

Amazing.

But what's more amazing...

...if I hadn't been in line, we wouldn't have gotten on the flight.
...if I hadn't seen the gate, I wouldn't have gotten in line.
...if I hadn't gone to the bathroom, I wouldn't have seen the gate.
...if I hadn't needed to use the restroom, I would have waited for Josh.

And if I had waited for Josh, we would have been very likely driving through the night and stumbling into work the next morning.

It's just one little moment that makes a difference.  And you never know which one it's going to be.

I realize that my posts on courtship have been out-of-context. Not that I know if anyone actually reads this (besides mom), but they wouldn't make much sense without some context.  So I think I'll post a brief timeline of our relationship,from the ugly beginnings to the confusing middle to the very satisfying present.  :)  After all, it only takes a moment to change everything.

But that's another day, another post.