Conflict Resolution

One of the things that strikes me as a very obvious weakness in couples today is conflict resolution.  It's obvious, it's a chronic problem through the generations, it's in every marriage handbook.  Instant gratification is a big part of it - no one knows how to deny themselves anymore.  And compromise almost always involves that.

But even more than that, I think the mark of a couple that can live together well is how they solve conflicts outside of themselves.  What happens when there's a potentially sticky situation that needs to be decided? I find that many conflicts between young couples are actually rooted in a fear of conflicts with others.

For example, what happens when you have to make a decision based on someone's expectation of you?  Does your fear of confrontation from the other person overpower your fear of confrontation with your spouse?

I would suggest that in most cases it does.  At some point, you ceased to be concerned with your reputation to your spouse.  Let them think what they will - they know your every flaw anyway.  But there remains a concern for what other people think, and so we still want to live up to their expectation.  Thus, we may make choices to please others, rather than serve our marriage to our best ability.

Conflict resolution skills are important not just in your marriage, but for your marriage.  Being able to handle disappointing other people, being able to handle momentary tension in those relationships, will help maintain unity in a marriage in those times where you just have to make tough decisions.

It's been one of those days for us.  I've always considered myself to be a highly non-confrontational person. Yet I am finding more and more that in my generation (and in the workplace!), I'm actually more willing to confront than most.  I am also finding out that setting boundaries with others in areas that could affect the time and energy that I can spend with my husband is a worthwhile investment and peace-maker.

I've heard that conflict resolution is a big issue with many young marrieds.  But I'm realizing that for us, a lot of conflicts can be avoided by resolving things with other people.