Life Update

I'm making an effort to be more personal, rather than offering disembodied thoughts and abstractions.  Which isn't hard, because I don't have a lot of time for thoughts and abstractions.

One of my coworkers left for another job today.  You don't work for a non-profit because of the money, which means our office is particularly close and my coworkers have become some of my closest friends.  Losing someone hurts not only on a professional how-are-we-going-to-survive-without-you level, but also on the awww-man-I'm-really-going-to-miss-you level.  We've all been a little sad this week, and there may have been a few tears in the office today. I love my work environment - it's like going to work really means going to hang out with your friends.  But it's tough to say goodbye.

On the same front, there's a reason you don't work for a non-profit for the money - there's not much of it. We're not hiring to fill her position, which means I'm inheriting her job as the website manager and publications designer on top of my usual administrative and communications tasks.  Not only do I have a lot to learn, but my boss is on baby watch for the next two weeks.  It's going to be a lonely and incredibly busy few weeks.

We're also undertaking a membership class for the church we're attending.  Not only is it eight hours of getting-to-know-you, deep theological wrestlings, and pizza tomorrow, but our interest in membership was announced to the church (not in a pressuring sort of way) and the congregation was encouraged to "get to know" us.  Not that they really needed the extra reminder -- they're already the most hospitable church I've ever seen.  If Baptists are about potlucks, then Presbyterians are about inviting others over for lunch after the service.

I really appreciate it, though.  My biggest struggle since graduation has been maintaining close female friendships (outside of work, that is).  We have lots of couple friends, and Josh has his guy friends from college.  But that need has not yet been met for me.  I am hoping that as we get more involved in the church, I'll find that girlfriend who shares my interests and dreams.

And finally, both Josh and I have had our first experiences driving in wind, snow, and ice.  It's not so bad. :)  We passed about 7 cars in the ditch on the way to work yesterday, and those coming home from the city had an 8-hour commute on Wednesday night.  But I already feel much more comfortable handling a car in poor weather conditions.  I just needed to know how it felt. :)

Until I've had the time to catch my breath and gather my thoughts...hasta luego and happy weekend!

This Present Sojourn

In reading through Genesis, I'm noticing how much of OT life revolved around the wells.  As much as the tents they lived in were symbols of  their journey in faith, so their wells were symbols of God's faithfulness along their journeys.  Their temporary residences depended on the presence of water. Their arguments and quarrels were about the wells.  When they wanted to mark a spot, they named the wells.  The wells were their sustenance, their security.

Like their tents, I too have periods in my spiritual life where I dwelt by certain "wells"of God's providence. There have been times where I needed certain truths to soak in, to be immersed in some aspects of the gospel that I only partially understood.  Sometimes learning must stop to make way for greater comprehension - new information does very little for those who are already misinformed.

Like the OT patriarchs, I can look back on my spiritual growth by tracking those times of rest, of understanding. It is good for the soul to not trek on mercilessly.  Even spiritual journeys need a resting place sometimes, and that is usually where the recovery takes place that allows Christian to continue his trek.  But even more than that...

When men in the Bible built a well, they moved on. But the well remained.  I find it telling that Isaac camped at Beer Lahai Roi -- the same well that Hagar brought Ishmael in despair and saw God.  Ishmael's growth and sustenance became Isaac's, by a twist of irony.  The same God nurtured both and allowed them rest in the same place.

I too have benefited by the wells of others.  Countless counselors have spoken truth gleaned from their own experience.  Comforters have remembered their pain to empathize with mine.  Those spiritual camp-outs by the wells of truth have lasted far beyond their own thirst.  Through their writings and encouragement, I can follow in their footsteps.  And I can leave my own path behind, for others to learn from. And by recording the ways my needs were met in the past, I can return in the future to remember his faithfulness in the past, which should inspire my trust in the present..

Just a couple thoughts. :)

Pray for Josh

Tomorrow  night he goes to an open house at the school he wants to attend for his Master's.  He'll be going to night classes, so this is a trial run - he'll take the metro in.  Pray that everything transportation-related will go smoothly so we know what to expect come fall when school starts with his commute.

Pray also that he'll get home early enough to get a good, restful night of sleep because...

...his GRE is on Saturday.

So much for being done with major tests.

We've both had an incredibly draining, eventful, and head-spinning sort of week (yeah, you'll probably hear more about that later - I'm in hyper-preparation mode, so I have a one-track mind and it will probably come up), so we do covet your prayers for this weekend.

Conflict Resolution

One of the things that strikes me as a very obvious weakness in couples today is conflict resolution.  It's obvious, it's a chronic problem through the generations, it's in every marriage handbook.  Instant gratification is a big part of it - no one knows how to deny themselves anymore.  And compromise almost always involves that.

But even more than that, I think the mark of a couple that can live together well is how they solve conflicts outside of themselves.  What happens when there's a potentially sticky situation that needs to be decided? I find that many conflicts between young couples are actually rooted in a fear of conflicts with others.

For example, what happens when you have to make a decision based on someone's expectation of you?  Does your fear of confrontation from the other person overpower your fear of confrontation with your spouse?

I would suggest that in most cases it does.  At some point, you ceased to be concerned with your reputation to your spouse.  Let them think what they will - they know your every flaw anyway.  But there remains a concern for what other people think, and so we still want to live up to their expectation.  Thus, we may make choices to please others, rather than serve our marriage to our best ability.

Conflict resolution skills are important not just in your marriage, but for your marriage.  Being able to handle disappointing other people, being able to handle momentary tension in those relationships, will help maintain unity in a marriage in those times where you just have to make tough decisions.

It's been one of those days for us.  I've always considered myself to be a highly non-confrontational person. Yet I am finding more and more that in my generation (and in the workplace!), I'm actually more willing to confront than most.  I am also finding out that setting boundaries with others in areas that could affect the time and energy that I can spend with my husband is a worthwhile investment and peace-maker.

I've heard that conflict resolution is a big issue with many young marrieds.  But I'm realizing that for us, a lot of conflicts can be avoided by resolving things with other people.

Kanani

Can I help but give a shout-out to the new American Girl doll?

http://www.americangirl.com/index.php

I had the name first though!  ...okay, probably not really.  I've gone by Kanani for a year and 8 days, and she's probably been in the works for at least that time.

But still...it's fun to have a namesake. :)

HT: Ash (thanks for pointing her out to me!) ;)



P.S.  By the way, if anyone has any questions about how courtship worked for Josh and me or how it's perceived, please do comment or something.  I want to be helpful, but I don't know what is most helpful.

A Sad Realization..

I've had a very sobering couple of weeks after a series of conversations.  I find myself giving marriage advice...out of the wealth of seven months of experience. I ought to be the one seeking advice, not offering it!

A friend approached concerned about a couple that is close to her.  They married two months after us, and already are considering splitting up. It came as a shock to my system.  Four months of marriage and giving up- I cannot even comprehend!  What has for me been a supremely happy time has for them been misery.

Don't  get me wrong, I've found marriage to have all sorts of....shall I call them "stretching experiences"?  I've learned a lot both about Josh and myself (and about his twin, coincidentally).  But the good has ALWAYS overpowered the bad, and so the hard parts have been completely and utterly worth it.

Yet to be blissfully in love on the day of your wedding and on the verge of disaster before it's even been half a year....

And yet again, I am painfully aware that my generation is emotionally and relationally stunted.

What's the problem? And how do we help solve it?