Time to Grow Up!

Today, whether reading Christian or secular sources, you will find all sorts of articles about my generation's failure to grow up.  We're pushing off marriage, pushing off kids, pushing off responsibility, and staying as young as we can.

If forty is the new thirty, then thirty is the new twenty. And twenty is too young to be tied down with a husband!

You can tell us to get a grip. You can tell us to grow up.  You can tell us that we're selfish, self-absorbed, and irresponsible. Most of these articles do that.

But you're not going to get anywhere with my generation if you don't get to the root of the issue.

Addressing the symptoms isn't enough.  You can force a boy into marriage, but you can't make that marriage last.  You can force him to move out, but you can't keep him out of debt.  You can even frustrate him into having kids, but you can't make him a good parent.

No, you have to address the cause:

  WHY is my generation having trouble growing up?

Remember the book The Greatest Generation?  My Mom's disagreement with that book is that the greatest generation was the one that raised those people.  The generation that had the best impact on society was the generation that taught their children how to rise up and meet challenges.  The so-called "greatest generation" completely failed to pass it on.

I don't want to be harsh, but that applies to my generation as well.  Do you wonder why my peers shrink at marriage?  Because it started with the generation before us.


They were raised to think that marriage is limiting and that growing up is nothing but a pity.


Yes.  My generation didn't arrive at this conclusion for themselves.  They're really not smart enough for that.  My generation was taught that it is better to be young.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard these statements:

"Just wait until you have to pay bills!  Then you'll care about turning the lights off!"


"Enjoy being single!  You'll never be free again!"


"Once you have kids, the honeymoon is OVER!"


"Ooooh, I'm achy.  To be young again...and my waistline would be much smaller for sure"


"Remember when we were kids?  Those were the days...carefree and fancy-free!"


As a teenager, I listened. I listened to the women at church talking about their problems with middle-age.  I listened to the elderly complaining about their aches and pains.  I listened to the dads talking, careworn with bills and payments.  I saw the magazines: "Look 10 years younger in 3 easy steps!"  And I got the message: young is good.  Old (or even "older") is bad.

And I didn't want to grow up.  It sounded stressful.  I didn't want to get married. It sounded limiting.  I didn't want kids, because then things would never be the same again.  I was afraid to be older.

When I was about 15, I read a proverb about the glory of the silver-headed being wisdom.  I realized then that every age has its drawbacks.  But every age also has its own unique joys that are to be cherished and appreciated.  And no age is better than another, because they all have their own special problems and benefits.

Parents, your children need to hear that from you.  They need to hear what you LOVE about being your age - snuggling your children, growing with your husband and marriage, the special perspective of a mother that you wouldn't trade for the world.  Yes, you might not be able to move as fast and your metabolism isn't quite the same.  But isn't it worth it to watch your daughter mature into a young woman? Isn't it worth it to have your son run into your arms?

They need to know that.  They need to know that when they grow up, it will be okay to be older, and that they will enjoy it.  They need to know that, when you're walking with the Lord, 30 is great.  40 is great.  50 is great.  They need to know that you are still learning, and that you are enjoying your life.

My generation can't grow up because they were taught to love their youth too much.  They were taught that no benefits come with age.  They've been taught to devalue wisdom and the experiences that bring it, and instead to value only independence and irresponsibility.

Selfish, self-absorbed, and irresponsible? Definitely.  But raised to think so.  So how do you fix it?

Send the other message.